The Fish

Looks like someone is keen for a bong party.

Anyone got the number for Dignitas?

Well, you can technically gobble my cocksnot

Well below their standards, but are there many top 'keepers available to this iteration of Liverpool at the minute?

If that's the father of the bride, he looks conflicted. On one hand, the lad is an absolute weapon, on the other his daughter is no longer his problem.

I've not actually been banned. Twitter's been experiencing technical problems all morning apparently.

Too many arguments with idiots, probably.

Thought you were young. Soz

twitter's still fucked for me.

Apparently his mam just found out he's a fan of the Mindy Project. It's not gone down well.

Only driven in Paris a couple of times, but it's insane. Not just around the Arc de Triomphe, but the average street is batshit too. London is a bastion of graciousness and consideration by comparison. The worst junction I've seen was in Naples though. Not a single fanculo was given all day.

It's unlike you to accentuate the negative. You ok hun? Inbox me, yeah?

and a decorative box of tissues on the dashboard?

Hand signals? I've got a bloke with a red flag running in front of me.

Don't own my own, but I drive her car about a fair amount now, normally do the longer journeys. Did loads of driving last October-November. Find it relaxing, especially once you realise that in this country, it's not really worth driving above 60/65. You see queues of 20 cars, all stuck in the outside lane, furious because the car in front of them won't pull over. Completely oblivious to the fact that if they all followed best practices, they'd all get past the truck that's causing the congestion quicker. Proper Tory way of driving, "people should get out of my way."

Not all of them. I've zero points on my license now, and have never had points on my license. I've been driving for 16yrs. I'm an excellent driver and should be held aloft, as an example to others. Don't think it really makes a difference though. Mate of mine was failed because he didn't buckle up, passed the second time and is an awful driver. My lass terrifies me when she's driving in a city, she passed second time. My sisters are both terrible drivers and they too passed second time. I just expect everybody else on the road to be a bad driver.

Not that excited by either Townsend or Berahino tbh

Booooooooooooooo

Aye that's fair enough. If we popped off and signed a dead-cert finisher, someone like Defoe (say) we'd score a lot more than relying on the developing Mitrovic. I don't think there's a proven Premier League goal scorer available/interested in a move to St James'. In the meantime, we'll create enough chances and goals for Mitrovic, Perez, Sissoko and of course Gini. Think LB is a more crucial area of weakness. I mean Christ, McClaren is talking about playing Jack Colback at Left back. I am Jack's lack of pace I am Jack's inability to take on a man

Come to think of it, he does ramp up the cockernee-geezah-ness when the shit inevitably hits the fan

23 shots (most since Sep 2014) in the game, but counter-intuitively 15 of those 23 came in the 2nd half. Had 5 shots on target in both halves. We're creating chances and with confidence and cohesion will come a better standard of chance.

Well...

Berahino has had 1 season where he's scored double figures in the league and there are huge questions over his attitude. Imagine it... him, Mitrovic and Shelvey all approaching the last doughnut in the canteen at the same time... Ructions!

As was ever the case.

I can see Mitrovic, Perez, and whomever else benefiting from a central midfielder who's 1st instinct isn't to pass it backwards. Sure, I'd love us to sign Lacazette (1 in 3), but it looks more likely we'll sign Berahino (1 in 4), Gomis (1 in 4) and should we really swap Mitrovic's development for strikers with goal ratios little better than Shola's was?