Best excuse you have ever used to be off work

[sweetleftpeg 0]

I didn't want to say nowt Cath, but I think it's best for everyone if you invested in a bra.

[catmag 336]

I didn't want to say nowt Cath, but I think it's best for everyone if you invested in a bra.

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Cheeky fucker!

[peasepud 59]

Im currently using the "My cats been sick everywhere, so Im keeping an eye on her"

 

trouble is she has actually spewed all over the place

[Pegasus Bridge 0]

Im currently using the "My cats been sick everywhere, so Im keeping an eye on her"

 

trouble is she has actually spewed all over the place

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My sisters rat died last year, so I phoned up Orange and told them I was holding a ceremony...

 

 

I didnt go back into work like.

[Kid Dynamite 5907]

Not one for getting out of work, but a girl id been on a few dates with had coerced me into stopping at hers for the night. She was mortal however and it was turning into the most cringeworthy night of my life. When she nipped to the loo i sent a quick text off to my mate saying

 

'text me that my house alarm is going off so i can escape'

 

The twat text back 'Ive just seen a bloke in a black and white jumper with a swag bag jumping oot your bedroom window!!!'

 

He sent the proper text half an hour later and she cottoned on i was lying in a flash and went ballsitic!!! Even more reason to go home then. Needless to say we didnt see each other again.

[Kid Dynamite 5907]

Also, my mate rang me before we were all going paintballing for my birthday to say he couldnt come cos his dog was knocking on deaths door and had shit everywhere. Except he turned up at the pub later that night. His dogs still not fucking dead to this day!