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I had a mate living in Tyne Dale who met a bloke in a pub who offered to connect him to the gas grid for a large one off fee. Talking thousands but a pure one off capital cost. Made a bit of a mess of his approach road, but it worked really well at first, free gas! Then one day it suddenly it stopped working. Bloke isn't answering his phone so my mate has to dig up the feed pipe himself to see what's happened. Finds it connected to a now empty Calor gas cylinder.

Also I might add, I've heard that many of the delivery drivers are dodgy as fuck, especially if you have young ladies at home. Just saying. Fortunately I think they are being farmed off out of harms way into the HGV industry.

"Audrey asked me if I wanted get stuck into her hairy, I say, her hairy pie, Ashley!" "What did you say back, Dad?" "I said, 'Audrey! You know, I say, you know I don't like pies!' I don't know why she asked arr Ashley?"

if shit tasted like peanut butter

And what a lovely wedding it was.

There've been a few divisive issues on this board; sitting vs standing, stats vs gut feel, Adam P vs non-weirdos. But Pie vs No Pie will act as the rallying cry that brings us all together. We have a common enemy now. Get him lads!

Given that the match going fans in question are Liverpool fans and the employers are the Liverpool owners, I'd say he's to be applauded for pissing them off

The ref from Tuesday would have given this a very reluctant yellow.

Am scoobied by this thread but this amused me.

Wonder who helped him Prittstick on that armpit fluff?

We made the rookie error of moving back closer to family shortly after our first was born. Not the smartest decision. Three of my four are diagnosed autistic. It's impossible to get anything done when they're at home like. The lad needs 24/7 one to one care, can't really take your eyes off him for a second or he's liable to do something mental like shit on the window sill or throw a boiling hot kettle across the kitchen. Thankfully his new favourite activity is simply tipping the mattress off of his bed and using the divan base as a massive drum. Which is great because if I can hear him doing that I know he'll probably be safe for long enough for me to take the bins out or go for a piss. Sure the neighbours fucking love us.

"How did I take a picture using my phone, whilst holding my phone in my hand?" Probably ghosts.

trippier is a transformative signing for many reasons - not just what he has done on the pitch, which has been almost flawless up until his recent run of mistakes. does bruno join, if tripper hadn't already signed, for example? he opened the door for others to follow, sending a message that we were serious proposition. he's also a leader on and off the field. he was still in all the team victory photos even after picking up that injury and de facto captain until lascelles had his recent resurgence. and you can't overstate what he's done on the pitch either. he's practically been our playmaker - from right back no less! insane when you think about how much of our best play has come through him down the right side, linking up with bruno, longstaff and miggy. he's always been defensively sound and great at organising the back four. i'd say he's the best right back i've ever seen at the club. one of the greatest leaders i've ever seen at the club and possibly one of our greatest and most important signings. anyone on his back because of the recent mistakes is a clueless gimp.

all kinds of beans - the texture is like nails down a blackboard - although i'll swallow baked beans without biting them all kinds of peas especially mushy ones - garden peas can be swallowed peanut butter - it looks and tastes (i imagine) like a turd most things that live in the sea that aren't meant to be battered and served in newspaper avocados all scousers - not sure they strictly can be classed as food but they can fuck off anyway all fruit teas - any tea that can't described as English breakfast tea or Yorkshire tea - funny I've never seen any tea plantations in Yorkshire mind you tea served in those big round half a globe coffee cups. i want mine in a mug or a teacup thanks all milk that doesn't come from a cow. white wine - to be fair that's only meant for the ladies anyway in fact all alcohol that isn't beer all Belgian beer american chocolate twinkies

Who? Asking for a friend

It was a reference to @Monkeys Fist. FFS do I have to explain everything?

I booked my click and collect weeks ago. Fuck going into any supermarket at this time of year.

3-0 Trippier hat trick. unfortunately. Howe out.

0-13 All outplayers to score once. Dubs with a hattrick

I have no kids and live 12 thousand miles away from any of my family. Working from home is the best.

That's just life generally, to be fair.

Well, he's never been great with money

"Do you think you could score 100 penos past me, you rat faced, Scouse cunt? I'll fucking kick a medicine ball up your hoop 100 times out of a fucking hundred, and twice on Sundays, causing more devastation to your anus than your racist cunt of a brother took at the hands of his cell mate for 17 years." *Joey, wiping tears away* "I'd like to go home now please, la"

Another 8-0 - Only the ghosts of former players to score - whether they are dead or not.

On his last tour of Ireland, the Pope was asked what he thought of County Down. “I preferred it when Carol Vorderman was in it”, he replied.

FYP

That's Gemmill's evening sorted out.

He must the only one in the squad that has put in a decent performance away from home this year.

Belgian beer is mostly fucking amazing

How canny?

I've heard some of them turn up at the door looking like Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen, checking out not only your wife's tits but also the state of the house noting how many pizza boxes are lying around, the latter being a prop for small talk, the former to be deposited in the wank bank but then again, I'm sure this doesn't really happen in real life does it@Monkeys Fist

Yeah. She’d sent then deleted a tweet telling Trippier to fuck off. Then lots of people piled in on her, including ex players This wanting to be famous and popular is on SM is completely uncontrollable. People are just waiting to give you a kicking and the more simple minded appear to be the most needy and the most sensitive at the same time…

I'm just not used to Renton trying to be funny.

I said she definitely exists. I don't know what your problem is

mind you, that said, I can't stand klopp or liverpool's support so I don't care if he's pissed them off. it's a win, win situation really.

Bit windy today

Cunt has lost it this time

It’s working again unfortunately. I wouldn’t have minded if it had got spaceXed.

SPOILERS FFS!!!!

Though I would read a brief film review by Michael Owen on most films as he goes on to explain the entire plot, and offers insight into things he think we may have overlooked, but are just painfully obvious facts. "Spider-man: no way home. There were no spiders in this film. But there were spider-men. I love little surprises like that."

4-0 to us. Trippier with all five of them