AgentAxeman

Time once again to tune in to Eyewitness News, Palm Beach, for an American perspective on the General Election. Good morning, America, how are you? This is your favourite son, Chad Hanging, reporting. Let’s cross live to London, Englandland, where our special correspondent Brit Limey has been following developments. Good morning, Chad. I’m standing in historic Piccadilly Square, in downtown London, where people are coming to terms with the results of the election. From a distance, you can't tell Cameron and Clegg apart. They even look like members of a boy band - Westminster's answer to Jedward Given that the TV debates turned this election into a glorified version of the X Factor, it is perhaps fitting that the country may soon be run by a political double act. From a distance, you can't tell Cameron and Clegg apart. They even look like members of a boy band - Westminster's answer to Jedward So who is the new president of Englandland, Brit? President Norman Brown, Chad. I thought he was the old president. He is, Chad. So President Brown won the election. No, Chad, he lost the election. President Brown’s Labour Party came second, two million votes behind the Conservatives. So the Conservatives won? No, they lost, too. They didn’t get enough seats in the House of Lords to form a majority government. So President Brown got more seats, even though he got fewer votes. Negatory, Chad. President Brown got 60 fewer seats than the Conservatives. Then why is he still President? He’s holed up in Number 10 Downing Street, where the Queen lives, and refuses to come out. Can he do that? Apparently so, Chad. He can carry on being President until someone else forms a government. What happens now? Well, Chad, it’s up to the Liberal Democrats to decide who becomes President. I didn’t realise the Democrats were standing in Englandland. Does that mean President Obama could become president of Englandland? No, Chad. Different party. They’re led by a guy called Clegg, who won one of the TV debates. For a while he was the new Susan Boyle. They’re a new party, right? No, they’re an old party. Even older than the Conservatives and Labour. So the Liberal Democrats won the election? No, they lost, too. They only got 57 seats, which is fewer than they got at the last election in 2005. How come they get to choose the president, then? Because they came third. So this guy Clegg could become president? No chance, Chad, but he could become Vice President or Homeland Security Secretary. How so? He’s talking to the Conservatives about forming a coalition. And where does that leave President Norman Brown? Clegg’s talking to Labour about forming a coalition, too. If Clegg decides to go with Labour, does that mean Norman Brown could stay on as president? Not necessarily, Chad. Labour and the Liberal Democrats still wouldn’t have enough seats to command a majority. And Clegg says he wouldn’t work under President Brown, so Labour would have to choose a new president. But that would mean that the new president hadn’t been elected by anyone. That’s the way it works in Englandland. President Norman Brown wasn’t elected by anyone, either. Tell me more about this Clegg guy, Brit. Well, Chad, he looks like Piers Morgan, from America’s Got Talent, he supports illegal immigration and thinks Englandland should be governed by Europe. And what do the people of Englandland think about that? They hate the idea, Chad, which is why the Liberal Democrats came a poor third in this election. Yet Clegg still gets to choose the president? That’s right, Chad. Isn’t that like letting the Tea Party pick the president of the USA? Not really, Chad. The Tea Party is more popular than the Lib Dems and contains fewer wacko nutjobs. So what happens now? Clegg could still do a deal with the Conservatives, which would mean a man called Call Me Dave becomes president, even though he didn’t win enough seats, either. Can they do that? I guess so, Chad. During the election, Clegg promised a more open, accountable, honest form of government. It’s the ‘new politics’. Run that by me again, Brit. So under this new, open and more honest politics, the politicians pick the president without asking the voters? That’s a big Ten-four, Chad. All the negotiations are being conducted in secret. Why don’t they just hold another election, Brit? Because the Labour Party and the Liberal Democrats haven’t got any money to fight another election, Chad. The biggest Lib Dem donor is a convicted fraudster who is on the run from the police. Did they give the money back? Of course not, Chad. They kept it, arguing that it was the only way they could compete with Labour, who are bankrolled by the unions, and the Conservatives, who are owned by someone called Lord Paddy Ashcroft, who lives in a banana republic called Belisha. Englandland sounds more like a banana republic than a mature democracy. Funny you say that, Chad. There was chaos when the polling stations shut before everyone had voted. You’re kidding me. I wish I was, Chad. There are also 20 separate police inquiries into voting irregularities, including postal vote fraud. The election has been widely condemned by international observers from as far afield as Kenya, Rwanda and Bangladesh. It looks as if it may have to be rerun in some areas. And these are the guys who told us we didn’t know how to run an election in Florida.

Got it today, sounds great. Well impressed with the delivery time aswell!

you sure the top wave form is the cd?! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_Magneti...ding_production aye, loads of metal bands are doing the same thing now, ie. recording overly loud. that wiki article explains why very nicely indeed.

tbh TR, i think you and i are the only people that remember them.

ordered it yesterday. hopefully should have it next week.

He's wrong. They were lush! Ahh thank you Meenz. I couldnt have imagined them. I want one now though. confectionery in the 70's/80's was much better imo! loads more E numbers for a start!! does anybody else remember Nutty Bars? basically a lump (roll) of caramel covered in peanuts. came in a kind of clear brown wrapper iirc. they were LUSH!!!

Renton, may i please have some of the substances you've been ingesting?

does you crystal ball tell you so? When a team's 3-0 down in the 88th minute you don't need a crystal ball to say they'll get 3 points. depends if the oppo then gets another team on the pitch to help them.......

does you crystal ball tell you so?

source? http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/election-2...ervyn-King.html Whichever party wins the election will have to impose spending cuts of such severity that they will find themselves exiled from power for a generation, the governor of the Bank of England has reportedly claimed. maybe i havent read that correctly but im sure it doesnt mention Cameron by name.

source?

Must be galling that you like her so much yet she's still stopping the Tories getting in dont worry, the witch will be dead soon enough! And Cameron will take her place. As people were saying before the election, with the economic situation as it is, Cameron is going to fuck it up SO badly he'll make Maggie look like a happy memory. i hadnt realised you had a crystal ball Happy. do you do palm reading an'all?

Must be galling that you like her so much yet she's still stopping the Tories getting in dont worry, the witch will be dead soon enough!

meh, anyone up here who says its not about thatcher is deluding themselves tbh.

hmmmmmm, i think its been a very disapointing night from all perspectives. oh well...........

Fuck off. right back atcha!!

the bitterness from certain posters on here is fuckin' laughable. get over it. use your vote the way you see fit but dont gan on like little whiney bitches cos other people disagree! ffs!

Yup. nothing would please me more

whatever happens, i hope the next 4 or 5 years will be better than the last.

I'll respect Hughton even more if he gets rid, nice guy and all from the looks of things but he clearly isn't good enough for the PL. aye, me too. IF it happens

Hi chaps, a few salient points.... PLEASE VOTE! seems obvious but sometimes people need reminding VOTE FOR WHICHEVER PARTY YOU LIKE. theres no such thing as a wasted vote if you vote for what you believe in and lastly......... PEACE OUT! Whoever ends up winning has deserved it by popular mandate see you at the polling station

too late bonny lad. its already been decided. re the bolded bit, i totally agree. thank the lord the uk has (so far) resisted the clamour to join it.

Meh! guys, just vote the way your conscience tells you too. all these endless arguments are pointless as neither side are going to change their minds at this late stage of the game. Peace out!