Jimbo

I treated the kids to a happy meal the other day, and thanks to a busty teenage strumpet, I nearly had to have a McWank !

What a breath of fresh air Lewis Hamilton is, a fantastic start to his F1 career, lets hope he can keep it up.

But then you'd only be half the wanker you are now Jimbo! I could donate a nut, not sure if I could go as far as to donate my prostate though.

Roeder's injury woes painful to hear By Tom Cary Portsmouth (1) 2 Newcastle United (0) 1 For a man who does not like to make excuses for his team, Glenn Roeder plays the injury card an awful lot. The Newcastle manager was left understandably frustrated by his side's listless performance at Fratton Park - which all but ends their push for Europe - but choosing to trot out the old St James' Park injury curse at the home of Harry Redknapp, a manager who consistently maximises the scant resources available to him, was never going to win him much sympathy. "The suggestion that we should have done better this season is rubbish," Roeder said. "We've done everything we can but there's other teams who haven't had injuries this year. advertisement "Please don't write that as an excuse. I don't make excuses. But the statistics will tell you that many of our players have been out for long, long periods." If that's not an excuse, what is? In any case, Roeder should be more worried about the players who are available than those who aren't. Even without Michael Owen - who will play in another friendly this week as he steps up his return from injury - Roeder was still able to call on the services of Obafemi Martins, a striker who cost £10 million. Behind him, Roeder deployed £5 million winger Damien Duff, Turkey international Emre, and England players past and future in Nicky Butt and James Milner. Hardly scraping the barrel. The one area where Newcastle were lightweight was in central defence, Steven Taylor and Craig Moore being no match for the invention of Kanu. In fact, he gave Moore such a torrid time that Roeder withdrew the Australian after 30 minutes, by which stage Benjani had already scored. Matt Taylor extended that lead on 59 minutes with a left-footed strike from 25 yards before Emre pulled one back from the penalty spot after Dejan Stefanovic had upended Milner. For Newcastle, Martins threatened sporadically but, in the main, he was well shackled by Portsmouth's rearguard of Stefanovic, Sol Campbell, Linvoy Primus and Lauren. "I think that must be the first time that combination has played together," said Redknapp, who could not resist the chance to rub salt into Roeder's wounds. "I know Newcastle spoke to Sol before us but they decided not to pursue it. I'm pleased they didn't take him." How Newcastle fans must covet a solid, imposing centre-back like Campbell. Or Lauren, for that matter, who moved to Fratton Park for a fraction of the price Newcastle paid for Titus Bramble. Redknapp, though, reserved his highest praise for goalkeeper David James, whose excellent save from Martins in the dying minutes denied Newcastle an unlikely point. James' quest to break David Seaman's record of 141 Premiership clean sheets continues, but it is only a matter of time. "He'll go on for another five years. I've never seen anything like him," marvelled Redknapp, who gently mocked Watford's attempt last week to lure James to Vicarage Road next season. "Yeah, I'm sure he'd love to play in the Championship!" Match details Portsmouth (4-4-2): James; Lauren, Primus, Campbell, Stefanovic; O'Neil, Davis, Hughes, Taylor; Benjani (LuaLua 73), Kanu (Kranjcar 90). Subs: Ashdown, Pamarot, Mvuemba. Booked: Stefanovic, O'Neil. Newcastle (4-4-2): Harper; Solano, Taylor, Moore (Onyewu 30), Carr; Milner, Butt, Emre, Duff (Luque 81); N'Zogbia (Carroll 46), Martins. Subs: Srnicek, Babayaro. Man of the match: Kanu (Portsmouth). Referee: C Foy (Merseyside). Att: 20,165

1, I really should be in bed as I'm up at 5am 2, I think I'll have a sleepless night 3, I wish I'd had a few drinks tonight 4, I'm nearly out of blank DVDr's 5, I'm burning some video clips to DVD to watch on the shady at work tomorrow.

What if he's only played 10 or 20 mins for us, should he then get 90 mins for England in a must win qualfier ?

Tried signing him but he went to West Ham as I already have 4 strikers. How's Teaudours doing for you? He's doing well, I'm constantly getting bids for him.

Is there anything positive the prick does well ?

Very impressive but seen one, seen them all, they are all virtually identical, but I'd still give my left nut for Emre to be able to do that.

Franny Jeffers Richard Wright ? Reyes ? Cygan ? Grimandi ? Wiltord ? Wreh ? Stephanovs ? Wiltord ? Pennant ? Come on now, play fair hey I was struggling

Thats not a vagina, thats c.......

http://direct.tesco.com/q/R.200-1540.aspx

Franny Jeffers Richard Wright ? Reyes ? Cygan ? Grimandi ? Wiltord ? Wreh ? Stephanovs ? Wiltord ? Pennant ?

Great, ManUre are sniffing around Owen and the club then follows a course of action garanteed to fuck him off. Taxi for old trafford !!

Christ on a bike

I hope Al Qaeda are on his flight.

I ended my first season very strongly using this tactic, but my second season has gone to ratshit, in fact, I think I'm one result away from the sack, I'm currently midtable.

Thats one very hairy pussy you have there Toplass.

MANCHESTER UNITED are ready to make a sensational summer move for Michael Owen. Sir Alex Ferguson has focused his search for a striker on Newcastle's 27-year-old England star, who has a £12million release clause in his contract. Owen has been out with a serious knee injury since last summer's World Cup finals but scored in a friendly game against Gretna last week. He has been pleading with Toon boss Glenn Roeder for a chance in the first-team and could make his comeback against Chelsea next week. Ferguson will only launch a bid if he is fully satisfied Owen has recovered from the knee operation. A well-placed United source told us: "It is no secret that Sir Alex wants another striker and he is bound to be attracted by someone of Owen's pedigree at such a competitive price. Naturally we would have to be certain he has recovered from his injury and that is why his return will be closely monitored. "Ideally we want to see him in action for several games between now and the end of the season." United's interest is certain to appeal to Owen, even though he still feels a debt to Newcastle after they paid £16m to sign him from Real Madrid nearly two years ago. Owen still has his main home in the north-west, near Chester, even though he has a property in the north-east. He is itching to get back into Premiership action and has also earmarked England's Euro Championship qualifier against Estonia in June for his international return.

Aye, its amazing what shit the Times will print these days.

ALMIGHTY God has his favourites, whom he blesses with his beneficence; and then there are those who, for some unexplained reason, he cannot stand and upon whom he ladles misfortune, misery and humiliation. Such as, for example, Newcastle United. Just last week he got the ladle out again, perhaps annoyed that Glenn Roeder had succeeded in lifting a very ordinary side safely away from the drop zone against all expectations (or at least mine; I had a tenner on them to go down). He put mischief in the hearts of the club’s supporters, a little germ of bitter discontent at some imagined unfulfilled potential. “Roeder out, Roeder out!” the fans chanted, as if they had suddenly became aware this was yet another season where they weren’t going to win anything at all, let alone anything worth boasting about. “Roeder out!” they bellowed, forgetting that this likeable mild-mannered man had rescued them from the hell of last season when, winless after five games, they were bellowing with great conviction: “Souness out, Roeder in! Souness out, Roeder in!” And promptly got their wish granted. Just as they got their wish granted a short while before when the chant had been the almost sacrilegious: “Robson out! Robson out!” The poor Geordies do not know on what side their stotty cake is buttered; I remember them calling for the head of Joe Harvey, the most successful manager at St James’ Park in 50 years and the last to win them a trophy they might reasonably be proud of, the Fairs Cup, back in 1969. Unless you count triumphs in the Anglo-Italian tournaments of the early 1970s, the Texaco Cup of 1975 or the Intertoto Cup of 2006, all trophies that have stamped indelibly on the thinnish silver plate: “For second-rate also-rans only.” As did, I suppose, the Fairs Cup, although that win over Upjest Dosza, conjured by the loyal journeymen Bobby Moncur and the ungainly Wyn Davies, was at least thrilling and against the odds. I watched it on a crackling and spitting black-and-white TV, a little kid cheering himself hoarse among northern relatives who were, to a man, Middlesbrough supporters but who had put their usual visceral loathing aside for the evening. You have to go back to 1955 for the last time Newcastle United won anything — the FA Cup, in this case — which the big clubs really cared about. And this season marks the 80th anniversary since they last won the league. Why has it been so long? They are, after all, the third best supported club in England, after Manchester United and Arsenal. These days there is an almost one-to-one relationship between fans coming in and trophies piling up in the boardroom; with the transient exception of Chelsea, the clubs with the biggest fanbase win most things. But not Newcastle; not this season, or last season, or the one before that; not ever since 1955. Why is this? Bad administration, I suppose, a succession of beefy megalomaniac northern businessmen suffused with an almost inconceivable arrogance. That’s one answer. If only they had had a Steve Gibson, they lament, looking enviously down the A19 towards the “little” club, Middlesbrough — the little club that recently won the League Cup, got to the final of the Uefa Cup and may well finish above Newcastle in the league this season. But that’s not the sum of it; misfortune drapes itself around the shoulders of the Toon and breeds within the supporters a gnawing discomfort: nobody is good enough for them. “Keegan out! Keegan out!” they bellowed at the best manager they’ve had since Harvey, and now it’s “Roeder out!”, the best manager they’ve had since Keegan. It is not Roeder’s fault that Michael Owen ended up with a foot facing in the wrong direction while playing for England: with Owen - a reluctant conscript, to be sure, nobody wants to live in the northeast of England for reasons that elude me - and with a fit squad Newcastle would have been top six, at least. Without him, and with calamitous injuries, nothing. So, it’s God’s fault. Perhaps he hates the Likely Lads and Lindisfarne and Ant and Dec (for which, fair comment, Lord). But having placed in the hearts of the Geordies a deep dissatisfaction with Roeder, he then set about more mischief and spite. Who should replace him? Someone utterly hopeless, someone the fans already hate, even before he’s been installed. Someone as unGeordie as its possible to get. Yep, got it, Sven. A marriage made in heaven. It doesn’t matter that the club have denied approaching Sven; you sort of just know it will happen. A manager whose only truly remarkable achievements came some quarter of a century back with Gothenburg and taking Lazio to the Serie A title after spending tens of millions on players; apart from that, he has taken a succession of clubs to within an ace of great things, but almost never won them. It is too perfect. Nobody embodies unfulfilled potential quite like Sven-Göran Eriksson. When you think about it, the only choice for Newcastle that could possibly be worse than Sven is Steve McClaren, who is a bit like Sven except without the charisma, intelligence and floozies. I wouldn’t bet against that, one of these days, either. Poor Newcastle.

a new legend: Carlos Javier Acuna

He needs coaching, clearly something that a number of our players do not get enough of.

Just had a text read out on talksport: Roeder is a clueless loon and we'll get relegated next season if he's not sacked soon, we were linked with Sven last week, after today's performance we'd take Nancy.