Gemmill

Lie in a bath of your own shit, or someone else's piss.

I remember that one,classic tale of a woman prisoner trying to escape through the gravediggers plan of being buried alive then later dug up to be free,she turned around to see who she was lying on top of and yes you guessed it. It was the gravedigger who was supposed to dig her out later Tales of the Unexpected, wasn't it? She was meant to knock on the coffin and he'd let her out. She lights a match only to find..........THE GRAVEDIGGER.

Sunshiiiiiiine Fanneh!

I didn't even act on those tips tbh. But they were poor, and Kirkey paid the price.

If someone else does one, I'll do the other.

Do I get to choose the child? Definitely the latter though. Like Gemmill says, you could buy their love afterwards (so to speak), and if they're young enough they'll have the memory of a goldfish anyway. "Look, Lego!" GROOMING Like I'd fancy a deformed kid with a broken face. Yeah I'd find an ugly one to punch. Keep the purty ones for teh lovin!111

Is bad AIDS full blown or just HIV? I'd take HIV over cancer cos I'd last longer.

Permanent limp or speech impediment?

He's started on the Chinese again! Pretty logical response, I reckon. I would become a national hero in China for freeing up some space.

Hit the kid. I'd buy them an ice cream after or something.

China has overpopulation problems. I reckon the world could stand to lose a billion Chinese and keep one me. Not the ones that work in the takeaway across the street though.

What nationality are they?

Not that arsed about being famous really. Depends what you're famous for as well - if the reason I'm famous after my death is because I was found, asphyxiated, in lingerie with an orange in my mouth, I'll pass. surely that's infamy? and no, the "Infamy infamy, they've all got it infamy" isn't funny anymore. Voted funniest one-liner in a British film ever recently btw. Jesus wept.

.....is the wrong answer!

Not that arsed about being famous really. Depends what you're famous for as well - if the reason I'm famous after my death is because I was found, asphyxiated, in lingerie with an orange in my mouth, I'll pass. If you're concerned about being found in that state when you're deceased I have to surmise it's a regular state of being for you ? Hands where I can see them, mincer!

The fact that you have ANY knowledge of law and are able to pass yourself off as a lawyer amazes me more than enough, never mind assuming you have an encyclopaedic knowledge of all aspects. Ooooh, pots and kettles. Silence, chubster!

Not that arsed about being famous really. Depends what you're famous for as well - if the reason I'm famous after my death is because I was found, asphyxiated, in lingerie with an orange in my mouth, I'll pass.

You missed "AND LOTS OF IT BABY!!!11" off the end of that sentence.

The fact that you have ANY knowledge of law and are able to pass yourself off as a lawyer amazes me more than enough, never mind assuming you have an encyclopaedic knowledge of all aspects.

Only drinking water. I'm not arsed enough about alcohol to care, but eating boring food all the time would be.....boring.

Homophobe. Just because it's harder to identify gay people than ethnics, so I would be doing less active hating.

Jew. Assuming I'm not doing the whole curly sideboards thing?

Lottery. Not even close tbh.

What a fucking arsewipe Shepherd is. "We already have a manager. That he's substandard is none of my concern. He'll still be here next season to continue his quest for mediocrity."

I would see a solicitor about that. I don't know much about the law, but common sense would say that if you've all paid up on completion of your contract, and the property is in good condition, he has no right to keep your bond - certainly not all of it, maybe this lad's share? Sammy might tell you otherwise....