Smooth Operator 10 Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 Just been for some tests for a job, if I pass them I get an interview. However I fail to see how my answering a few maths and english questions tells them I am capable to do the job more than what my GCSE pass marks in both subjects couldn't tell them. So why instead don't they just ask me to bring the certificates to the interview and save my time! I mean what real value can there be in asking, "If Timothy has a shit at 09:30am and takes 12 minutes to shake of his turtles head at what time will he be ready to wipe his filthy arsehole?" I cheated as well, inbetween tests the woman took the only other candidate to the bog cos she had to let him through a security door to get back in so I placed the acetate over my answers and changed 4 of the 5 I'd got wrong! So that's 39 out of 40 instead of 35. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChezGiven 0 Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 Work related tests that involve pissing can be a serious inconvenience.... if you pardon the near pun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 There's the Civil Service in a nutshell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smooth Operator 10 Posted December 18, 2006 Author Share Posted December 18, 2006 There's the Civil Service in a nutshell Not Civil Service job this, nor was the last one I went for and had similar tests. Didn't receive the pre-test materials either which I spun a yarn to the examiner about and managed to get her to agree to consideration being given to this fact when they are marked! Why aren't qualifications good enough anymore? OK so we've got this job, you've got to have a decent understanding of maths, but your GCSE isn't good enough so we'll get you to do these tests, whats 2+2? Err 4? You're a genius, employ that man! Bumped into an ex on the way to the test too, gave me her number, said get in touch. Said she hadn't been fucked properly for 8 years which coincidently is when we split up. It would be cruel not to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 There's the Civil Service in a nutshell Not Civil Service job this, nor was the last one I went for and had similar tests. Didn't receive the pre-test materials either which I spun a yarn to the examiner about and managed to get her to agree to consideration being given to this fact when they are marked! Why aren't qualifications good enough anymore? OK so we've got this job, you've got to have a decent understanding of maths, but your GCSE isn't good enough so we'll get you to do these tests, whats 2+2? Err 4? You're a genius, employ that man! Bumped into an ex on the way to the test too, gave me her number, said get in touch. Said she hadn't been fucked properly for 8 years which coincidently is when we split up. It would be cruel not to. You talk some fucking shite man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smooth Operator 10 Posted December 18, 2006 Author Share Posted December 18, 2006 There's the Civil Service in a nutshell Not Civil Service job this, nor was the last one I went for and had similar tests. Didn't receive the pre-test materials either which I spun a yarn to the examiner about and managed to get her to agree to consideration being given to this fact when they are marked! Why aren't qualifications good enough anymore? OK so we've got this job, you've got to have a decent understanding of maths, but your GCSE isn't good enough so we'll get you to do these tests, whats 2+2? Err 4? You're a genius, employ that man! Bumped into an ex on the way to the test too, gave me her number, said get in touch. Said she hadn't been fucked properly for 8 years which coincidently is when we split up. It would be cruel not to. You talk some fucking shite man I may have embellished the bit about how she hadn't been fucked properly for 8 years like. But the rest is gospel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 There's the Civil Service in a nutshell Not Civil Service job this, nor was the last one I went for and had similar tests. Didn't receive the pre-test materials either which I spun a yarn to the examiner about and managed to get her to agree to consideration being given to this fact when they are marked! Why aren't qualifications good enough anymore? OK so we've got this job, you've got to have a decent understanding of maths, but your GCSE isn't good enough so we'll get you to do these tests, whats 2+2? Err 4? You're a genius, employ that man! Bumped into an ex on the way to the test too, gave me her number, said get in touch. Said she hadn't been fucked properly for 8 years which coincidently is when we split up. It would be cruel not to. You talk some fucking shite man I may have embellished the bit about how she hadn't been fucked properly for 8 years like. But the rest is gospel. That's the bit I meant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smooth Operator 10 Posted December 18, 2006 Author Share Posted December 18, 2006 There's the Civil Service in a nutshell Not Civil Service job this, nor was the last one I went for and had similar tests. Didn't receive the pre-test materials either which I spun a yarn to the examiner about and managed to get her to agree to consideration being given to this fact when they are marked! Why aren't qualifications good enough anymore? OK so we've got this job, you've got to have a decent understanding of maths, but your GCSE isn't good enough so we'll get you to do these tests, whats 2+2? Err 4? You're a genius, employ that man! Bumped into an ex on the way to the test too, gave me her number, said get in touch. Said she hadn't been fucked properly for 8 years which coincidently is when we split up. It would be cruel not to. You talk some fucking shite man I may have embellished the bit about how she hadn't been fucked properly for 8 years like. But the rest is gospel. That's the bit I meant I was just going off the look in her eye and the way she was feverishly touching her fanny whilst talking dirty to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gejon 2 Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ally 0 Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 Tell me about it. Trying to get on some of these graduate management schemes for September, but some of the online application tests are ridiculous. You have to do Verbal Reasoning and Maths, the maths is ok as its just GCSE level, but the verbal one is crazy. Full of trick questions/answers like, the twats. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Manson 0 Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 There's the Civil Service in a nutshell Not Civil Service job this, nor was the last one I went for and had similar tests. Didn't receive the pre-test materials either which I spun a yarn to the examiner about and managed to get her to agree to consideration being given to this fact when they are marked! Why aren't qualifications good enough anymore?so we've got this job, you've got to have a decent understanding of maths, but your GCSE isn't good enough so we'll get you to do these tests, whats 2+2? Err 4? You're a genius, employ that man! Bumped into an ex on the way to the test too, gave me her number, said get in touch. Said she hadn't been fucked properly for 8 years which coincidently is when we split up. It would be cruel not to. Because nowadays any spacca can get a GCSE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob W 0 Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 Its one way of cutting down the number of people you have to REALLY consider - set the pass mark so that you get 4 names and save yourself a lot of bother plus you are covered against racist/sexist/ageist acusations years ago Prof C N Parkinson (he of Parkinson's law) described how a perfect job ad should be written to produce only ONE applicant who would be the right man for the job........................ people either can't be bothered or have no idea what they REALLY want so they get dozens of applciants Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rikko 20 Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 I never had any problems with them. Did seem fairly stupid having to do the maths one when i've got a masters degree in engineering... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shearergol 0 Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 Tell me about it. Trying to get on some of these graduate management schemes for September, but some of the online application tests are ridiculous. You have to do Verbal Reasoning and Maths, the maths is ok as its just GCSE level, but the verbal one is crazy. Full of trick questions/answers like, the twats. Been accepted on any? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ally 0 Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 Tell me about it. Trying to get on some of these graduate management schemes for September, but some of the online application tests are ridiculous. You have to do Verbal Reasoning and Maths, the maths is ok as its just GCSE level, but the verbal one is crazy. Full of trick questions/answers like, the twats. Been accepted on any? Got rejected for the Civil Service Fast Stream, knew I had though totally fucked up the test. Fancy going into some kind of public sector work though so that was annoying to not get in. Passed the one for some management thing at ASDA's head office in Leeds, had one of those all day assessment centres but didn't get in. Was 8 of us and only 1 got through apparantly, but when they phoned me up the feedback was ridiculous. Apparantly i'd put my hands in my pockets 'a couple of times' in 8 hours which reflected badly on me. Talk about nitpicking! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shearergol 0 Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 Tell me about it. Trying to get on some of these graduate management schemes for September, but some of the online application tests are ridiculous. You have to do Verbal Reasoning and Maths, the maths is ok as its just GCSE level, but the verbal one is crazy. Full of trick questions/answers like, the twats. Been accepted on any? Got rejected for the Civil Service Fast Stream, knew I had though totally fucked up the test. Fancy going into some kind of public sector work though so that was annoying to not get in. Passed the one for some management thing at ASDA's head office in Leeds, had one of those all day assessment centres but didn't get in. Was 8 of us and only 1 got through apparantly, but when they phoned me up the feedback was ridiculous. Apparantly i'd put my hands in my pockets 'a couple of times' in 8 hours which reflected badly on me. Talk about nitpicking! My lass is applying for some of the law ones, and despite being predicted a 1st, she's finding it really competitive. Reckon she'll just end up applying for jobs the normal way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gejon 2 Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 I went for some IT job a few years back (some may know i know bugger all about computers but they said you will get full training and stuff so thought what the hell). Did some test thing, I think I got EVERY question wrong! They must have pissed themselves! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ally 0 Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 Tell me about it. Trying to get on some of these graduate management schemes for September, but some of the online application tests are ridiculous. You have to do Verbal Reasoning and Maths, the maths is ok as its just GCSE level, but the verbal one is crazy. Full of trick questions/answers like, the twats. Been accepted on any? Got rejected for the Civil Service Fast Stream, knew I had though totally fucked up the test. Fancy going into some kind of public sector work though so that was annoying to not get in. Passed the one for some management thing at ASDA's head office in Leeds, had one of those all day assessment centres but didn't get in. Was 8 of us and only 1 got through apparantly, but when they phoned me up the feedback was ridiculous. Apparantly i'd put my hands in my pockets 'a couple of times' in 8 hours which reflected badly on me. Talk about nitpicking! My lass is applying for some of the law ones, and despite being predicted a 1st, she's finding it really competitive. Reckon she'll just end up applying for jobs the normal way. Yeh I think i'm going to do the same. In an ideal world i'd like to be on one of these schemes, but each firm only has about 50 places on average across the country, with thousands applying to it. Just going to try and concentrate on getting a job full stop in June, then i'll worry about career prospects later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Papa Lazaru 0 Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 I never had any problems with them. Did seem fairly stupid having to do the maths one when i've got a masters degree in engineering... My mate has a PhD in pure maths and has still had to do them. He also made another discovery about the world of emplyment which has been confirmed by many people in a position to know. Apparently they will discard people instantly on the basis of a-level results not matching the points total the job requires, even if you have a degree, masters and/or PhD on top of the a-levels which quite blatantly shows what you can do!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peasepud 59 Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 Theres also the logic of scoring "too much" or at least in the Civil Service there is, knew a lass whos sister went for a job as an Admin Officer with the IR and they sent out a test to fill in so the girl I knew who was a Higher Executive Officer (ie 2 grades higher than applying for) at the time, filled it in. Sure enough her sister failed so the lass rang up and (seeing as it was anonymous) pointed out the fact that she had filled it in and was clearly more than capable of the AO job to be told, and I quote "well thast the problem you see, we scored the paper as too high for an AO job" fuckwits the lot of em. EDIT: Oh and Ally, if you get onto the faststream then Im handing in me resignation Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34485 Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 If you're failing any of those verbal or mathematical tests, it basically means you're retarded. They're a piece of piss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyluke 1 Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 I mean what real value can there be in asking, "If Timothy has a shit at 09:30am and takes 12 minutes to shake of his turtles head at what time will he be ready to wipe his filthy arsehole?" If this was one of the questions I'd be more concerened about the nature of the work you're applying for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shearergol 0 Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 I mean what real value can there be in asking, "If Timothy has a shit at 09:30am and takes 12 minutes to shake of his turtles head at what time will he be ready to wipe his filthy arsehole?" If this was one of the questions I'd be more concerened about the nature of the work you're applying for. plus he had to cheat on it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jusoda Kid 1 Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 I told him to bail out when i did, the dick wouldn't listen and look where it's got him, surrounded by steers and queers and a blind kid to boot, and a doughnut punching gaffa breathing down his neck 24/7 (literally) for internet abuse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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