Ted Maul 0 Posted October 3, 2006 Share Posted October 3, 2006 I've been lucky enough to hear my lass come out with some absolute howlers over the past few months. Here's a few snippits of her wisdom... While at the local pub quiz, a daft question about the nationality of people who live in Sweden or something... Me - Swedes. Her - I think you mean the Swiss? Me - The Swedes come from Sweden, the Swiss come from Switzerland. Her *in a smug, i'll prove you wrong voice* - Ah, where do the Swedish come from then? Me - FFS Halfway through watching Die Hard, she gets completely vexed that an English actor could play a foriegner... Her - The terrorists are German!? I thought they were English! Surely Alan Rickman can't be German!? Me - His characters name is Hans Grüber, love. And he speaks with a German accent. Her - Still doesn't mean he's German. Me - FFS I really don't know how this conversation actually came about... Her - I really thought you had two holes down there. One for the wee and another for the spunk. Me - FFS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJ 0 Posted October 3, 2006 Share Posted October 3, 2006 (edited) Your lass isn't Jade Goody is it? Edited October 3, 2006 by JJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Toplass-101 Posted October 3, 2006 Share Posted October 3, 2006 whats wrong with that then eh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Manson 0 Posted October 3, 2006 Share Posted October 3, 2006 Me: When we were here for the millenium, we could barely move. Her: I love New Year! Me: Mmm. Her: *manner-of-factly* It's like a new year! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ted Maul 0 Posted October 3, 2006 Author Share Posted October 3, 2006 Your lass isn't Jade Goody is it? Fortunately not. She can be bright as a button 99% of the time but she'll have the occasional massive lapse in sense which is hilarious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazarus 0 Posted October 3, 2006 Share Posted October 3, 2006 after my mother watched brokeback mountain she said 'thats the queerest film ive ever seen'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark 0 Posted October 3, 2006 Share Posted October 3, 2006 Your lass isn't Jade Goody is it? Fortunately not. She can be bright as a button 99% of the time but she'll have the occasional massive lapse in sense which is hilarious. Fucking hell son, some of your language is appauling... You sound like my Nana! "bright as a button". I need to get you street wise again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ted Maul 0 Posted October 3, 2006 Author Share Posted October 3, 2006 Your lass isn't Jade Goody is it? Fortunately not. She can be bright as a button 99% of the time but she'll have the occasional massive lapse in sense which is hilarious. Fucking hell son, some of your language is appauling... You sound like my Nana! "bright as a button". I need to get you street wise again. Fo' sho' Yo got yo Timberland's yet, dawg? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJ 0 Posted October 3, 2006 Share Posted October 3, 2006 Your lass isn't Jade Goody is it? Fortunately not. She can be bright as a button 99% of the time but she'll have the occasional massive lapse in sense which is hilarious. Is she one of those who is intellegent but has bugger all common sense? My last lass was like that. She was fairly clever academically but came out with some stupid shit sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark 0 Posted October 3, 2006 Share Posted October 3, 2006 Your lass isn't Jade Goody is it? Fortunately not. She can be bright as a button 99% of the time but she'll have the occasional massive lapse in sense which is hilarious. Fucking hell son, some of your language is appauling... You sound like my Nana! "bright as a button". I need to get you street wise again. Fo' sho' Yo got yo Timberland's yet, dawg? Not yet. Still undecided, although they look good only people what wear them really are OG's, and I'm not and OG. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ted Maul 0 Posted October 3, 2006 Author Share Posted October 3, 2006 Your lass isn't Jade Goody is it? Fortunately not. She can be bright as a button 99% of the time but she'll have the occasional massive lapse in sense which is hilarious. Is she one of those who is intellegent but has bugger all common sense? My last lass was like that. She was fairly clever academically but came out with some stupid shit sometimes. Aye, although I think every woman is tbh. Not yet. Still undecided, although they look good only people what wear them really are OG's, and I'm not and OG. You'll look propa fly in some Timberlands, sonna. Get those bad boys! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark 0 Posted October 3, 2006 Share Posted October 3, 2006 Your lass isn't Jade Goody is it? Fortunately not. She can be bright as a button 99% of the time but she'll have the occasional massive lapse in sense which is hilarious. Is she one of those who is intellegent but has bugger all common sense? My last lass was like that. She was fairly clever academically but came out with some stupid shit sometimes. Aye, although I think every woman is tbh. Not yet. Still undecided, although they look good only people what wear them really are OG's, and I'm not and OG. You'll look propa fly in some Timberlands, sonna. Get those bad boys! Dinna like, gorra bit of a rock on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.../\......\o/... 0 Posted October 4, 2006 Share Posted October 4, 2006 One from my best mate "talking about stalin and hitler with her brother" Me: Do you know who Stalin was Her: Bloke from Red Dwarf wasn't he? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bombadil 0 Posted October 4, 2006 Share Posted October 4, 2006 I once had a girlfriend who thought Scotland was an island... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jill 0 Posted October 4, 2006 Share Posted October 4, 2006 One of my friends thought you had two livers in your chest and one lung down at the side - which was why you got a stitch. She also thought Lindisfarne (the band) wrote the Lindisfarne Gospels or had something to do with them. She's training to be a teacher. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetleftpeg 0 Posted October 4, 2006 Share Posted October 4, 2006 I've already told you the one about the time we were watching Rambo. Bint. The only other one I can think of is that she wouldn't have it that John Terry was 24. Said he was blatantly 36 and that I was lieing to makr her look stupid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Dynamite 6171 Posted October 4, 2006 Share Posted October 4, 2006 100percent true story. My mates gran got given some new tablets to relieve her constipation. A week later and they still havent worked and she tells her grandson 'ive been eating them all week but for the use theyve been i might as well as stuck them up me arse' and yes, yove guessed it! Shed been taken her suppositaries orally all week! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monster 0 Posted October 4, 2006 Share Posted October 4, 2006 A few years ago i was watching the Worthingtons Cup Final on Sky. Richard Keyes introduced Frank Worthington and of course the wife goes:"Oh, i wondered who that trophy was named after!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snakehips 0 Posted October 5, 2006 Share Posted October 5, 2006 There's a list of mrs hips 'moments'. Here's the latest, from around 6 weeks ago. I'm working on the outside of the house (Bloke stuff: re-pointing, painting, general maintenance) and in order to do this work I take off the bell push (wireless bell - remember this as it's important) and leave it in the porch. Mrs hips brings me a cup of tea (Wife stuff). We are chatting (can't remember what about but was probably along the lines of how great I am at everything and what a wonderful orgasm she had the night before - AS USUAL.....sorry, I digress ) For some unknown reason, as we talked, I pressed the bell push and the bell rang. Mrs Hips: "eeee (though to be fair she doesn't have any accent at all) how is that working if it's not on the wall?" You see what I have to deal with??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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