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Aye the cook bloke is Gan Wok

Javelin

Unplug it for 60 seconds then put it back on.

Not bad for £14.90.

Jackson 5. (NUFC remix). Rafa: "A B C, Easy as 1 2 3 As simple as do re mi A B C, 1 2 3, Get me a player from ABC." Ashley: "D E or G Easy as 1 2 3, As simple as Lee Charnley, D E G, 123, That's all you'll get from a cunt like me."

Are you on glue?

Recap of what Benitez said at todays presser. Rafa is still hopeful he’ll have at least one signing by the close of the window On whether they’ll break the club’s transfer record he would only say they’d have to wait and see On Nicolai Jorgensen he just said he did not deal with transfer negotiations and merely gave those who do his A, B and C targets On Mitrovic, he said if someone does sign he’ll be able to consider offers for him, but only from teams outside of the Premier League He acknowledged Brighton’s bid but said he wouldn’t sell to a rival unless, he joked, they were willing to pay £500m He spoke of Kenedy signing, how he’d watched him since the summer and said he’s a great option who adds quality and versatility to the squad He said that the window should be reduced because 31 days is too long in the middle of a season when you’re left with uncertainty over certain players On the FA Cup game at Chelsea, he said he’s unlikely to bring any youngsters in because he says there are too many first team players on the fringes who would deserve a chance if he was to switch things up Injury wise, Lejeune has been back running this week. Everyone is fit except Jesus Gamez, although the suggestion was that Mitrovic won’t be involved Asked about his time at Chelsea, he said he enjoyed his time there and was proud of what he achieved, but said his only focus was on Newcastle now