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Put him in the Sahara, hands tied behind his back, make him walk for hundreds of miles with a rod hanging near his face with a bottle of water on one line, another line with a roast chicken hanging off it just out of range from his gob. Each item to have a '70% off' tag on them.

Well spotted.

But... but he's just getting the hang of this football lark

Opening line - Before we start - any coloured people in here tonight? No? Good

If you crop that, you can make it say “SHIT!” under a picture of them both

Some lovely replies though

People make a virtue out of going (and not going) but it's usual a case of people who still go still enjoy it and those who've jacked it in can't be arsed any more. One of the many things I hate about the fat cunt is that he divides fellow fans

I can

Not if you want to keep your chowder dry.

Aye his short term thinking and lack of noticing any blatant patterns is baffling to see in a bloke that’s become a billionaire. As you say he’d lucked into the perfect situation, a top manager who would comfortably keep the team in the PL, just give him a mediocre budget and a % of transfer sales and he’d happily work within those constraints. Instead, after one fucking season Ashley sees he kept the team up so the fucking mug has pulled the rug to try and keep a bit in the coffer now completely ignoring the fact this path ends in yet another relegation. What a complete fucking disaster this bloke has been for Newcastle United. The most baffling part of this entire thing is this lot desperately chased Steve McClaren and gave him more of a budget than any manager during Ashley’s tenure iirc, then Rafa comes along and essentially asks for the job, they barely give him two pennies to rub together and have spent more time this summer writing letters to palm him off to someone else than they have working on any transfer targets.

https://uk.trustpilot.com/review/www.sportsdirect.com

Some good reviews on there. You may wish to leave your own? (I know I did.)

Missed a trick not calling it Rentagoat.

"Hotly-tipped" Speaking of which, Adam Armstrong is off to Blackburn for £1.75 million. Seems a bit cheap for a current England U-21, a set-up which is very highly rated, but that's us in a nutshell

'Starlet' was one of Alan Oliver's favourites iirc

*laughs*

Jesus Christ I initially thought that was a piss take.

Of course he doesn't deserve to die. He's a bad boss and terrible football club owner but that doesn't make some one deserve to die. That being said I'd personally be more than happy to see him buggered death with a nuclear powered dildo.

The hairy sex pest is trying to be controversial in order to try and stay relevant.

He's fucking awful but fair play to him like

It won't happen to the degree that it will make a difference. You'll just have the stadium looking less than full. If you want media attention then I'd suggest a bit of civil disobedience. Have sit ins in his shops preventing customers from getting to the tills and make sure that the media are there to cover it. Though it would have to be done in a place that matters like London, rather than Newcastle.

You heard it here first!

Say what you will about the man, he gets things sorted. Put him in charge of the Tyne and Wear Metro, I say.