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It's just like DWP sanctions etc - none of their policies are designed to improve lives, only to reassure their voters that a jack boot is being applied to people they despise.

Do robots use taxis? Asking for a friend…

I remember it, this is why it's laughable when he calls people bums and that they've fought no-one, it's as if his boxing history is exemplary. He's fought his fare share of clowns and had suspect performances all through his career.

Agree about the TV rights too. Even if the bubble doesn't burst, so to speak, there aren't exactly new markets to be exploited as the PL has surely reached saturation levels. The only places where it possibly hasn't are those where they prefer their own domestic leagues and that is unlikely change in any case.

I'd imagine the free advertising is probably paying him quite well as he's got a foot in the door in the American market. Last year S.D. bought Bob's Stores & Eastern Mountain Sports (50 shops) US analysts claim its a starter pack. Now given SJP is on American TV every fortnight with the sineage as far as the eye can see i'd imagine S.D. are doing some canny business on the back of that. Also I wouldn't be surprised if the thinking behind the signings of Ki & Muto was to try & dip a toe in the Asian markets.

The oddest part to me is I think it’s likely he was stupid enough to buy it as an investment but despite it being crystal clear what a shite investment it is he’s held it for a decade. The PL money and the inflated prices are a bubble imo, it won’t continue especially with other leagues pushing to compete (such as La Liga doing the game in the US bullshit). This is why he should sell up soon. There’s also the advertising/self promoting angle, which I agree is another motivating factor but as Alex and others have said while it helped in the short term I think it’s detrimental now as his various flaws are being exposed and it’s hitting his business negatively. For example it’ll be far harder for him to turn HoF round now than it would have years ago as he has a public reputation for selling tat, cheapening brands out, etc. SportsDirect have lost a lot of the premium gear, the shoes generally are the tatty bottom tier shoes of the brands, whereas JD manouvered and has targetted the growing athleisure trend by selling the high end sports wear and seem to have blocked Ashley from that market. His moves to try and squeeze the producers and distributors when it looked like JD was dead and buried have most likely pissed them off to such a level it’ll be difficult to repair those relationships now they have real alternatives to sell the high end gear to. With regard to the advertising I think the average return on an index fund tracking the FTSE or DOW is about 7% - 8% a year over his ownership. If he’d sunk £250m into that it’s around £18m a year I’d think, which would buy a fair whack of advertising I would think if you were just targeting the hoardings and if he had left it in and let it compound he’d have a return that he couldn’t imagine owning NUFC. Aye, granted that is hindsight but he could be in a hedge fund with that level of investment where he’d be almost guaranteed that level of return barring a large crash (which would have effected football club and tv rights as well anyway). I only bring up the idea of the index fund to show how straight forward it would have been for him to make far and away better returns with that level of capital, he could have hoovered up real estate or businesses after the crash or other investments along those ideas. TLDR; I’ve no fucking clue why he still owns NUFC, time to sell up bitch tits.

We don't need sound effects

I watched a video of all of his KO's on YT the other day and he's so unconventional it's almost like he's never done any training and has just rocked up for a scrap A lot of his trash talk these days sounds rehearsed aswell, like he's created this persona and he's trying too hard for the cameras. Much like McGregor in the UFC.

Sorry, I've been away for a few days so didn't get a proper chance to reply. I guess most of the owners of the other clubs (if not all of them) are ambitious and trying to get success as much as anything. Whether that's getting as high up the league as possible, getting into Europe, getting into the CL, winning a trophy or whatever. Given Ashley isn't interested in anything bar staying in the league and also taking into account what appears to motivate him generally, then it's probably safe to assume he's in it for the money. I agree with you that making a profit at a Premier League club is very difficult but that would just support my initial point which was, in essence, his hanging onto the club doesn't make much sense from a financial pov. One thing I would ask though is, if you did want to make money - what would you do? Without wishing to put words into your mouth I would guess that you and I would probably have similar views. You would look to maximise match day revenue, you would look to employ an experienced and capable chief executive, you would try and make the academy the best in the region and one of the best in the country and you would invest in getting the coaches that would make this possible. Additionally you would probably try and have a scouting network both at home and, particularly abroad which helped to insure you had an excellent chance of picking up emerging talent. All of those things would require investment but the potential returns, if you did it right, would far outweigh that. Yet, some 10 years into his ownership Ashley has done none of these things and shows no intention of doing so. So, from a financial point of view, again (to me) the way he approaches things makes no fucking sense. That's not dissimilar to the point I was making really but the headline figure of £135m doesn't take into account the debt he took on and the stadium repayments which needed to be made immediately. Bearing those in mind, does the figure the club is now worth (in actuality, rather than in the owner's dreams) represent a decent return on his investment? I think it was @Howay who said he'd have been better off with a FTSE tracker let alone the sort of hedge funds he could've had access to with the levels of cash we're dealing with. You talk about the trend continuing for the next 10 years but what has the trend been? We've gone down twice due to his falings as an owner. If he doesn't sell and Benitez goes, then would you bet against another relegation in the foreseeable? And what then? If you look at the money in the Championship and how competive it is now then would you fancy us to bounce straight back with an inferior manager? Also, if it's not the case now then it certainly will be the case soon that a good Championship striker is likely to set you back something in excess of our record signing (which, as we all know, pre-dates the current owner anyway). You also mention that he's looking for a figure in excess of what the club would appear to be worth so as not to bruise his ego. While that may be the case, on what planet is a prospective buyer going to pay £100m over the odds just to provide Ashley with a profit he doesn't deserve? Again, none of this makes a great deal of sense. I would argue you would just take a look at what other clubs in the league make from billboard advertising at the ground and base your estimate on that. Either way it can't make financial sense to own the club and sink hundreds of millions into just for that. As for the association with the brand, it appears to be a prett toxic one. Also, he's still pretty reclusive and and seemingly pretty thin-skinned in regards to any criticism. Even if it was just for the exposure it's not very good value for money. I think we had a similar discussion before and I would reiterate that (bearing in mind how difficult he is to read and how perplexing some of his decisions are then I don't discount your reasoning. I.e. they may well be the reasons why he continues to own the club. But if they are, they're fucking ludicrous iyam.

Ashley will sit tight until a buyer with no money for transfers shows up

He said he'd see you alright, Rob, once he gets his laser treatment.

It's not even "allegedly" reading through that. He admitted that she said no and that she didn't want to have sex with him, so he paid her $375k out of court. Bet Real Madrid are glad they got rid, this isn't going away anytime soon

Just wait till he targets bong users on the breadline, then there'll be ructions.

I’m picturing essembee slapping on the blackface and wrapping a tea towel round his head after his weekly overdose of Mackie Tans, then running up and down his street in Pennywell shouting “Goodness Gracious Me! I’m foreign, you know” in a terrible Indian accent, to a chorus of slamming doors from his poor neighbours.

You are such a Mackem cunt. I was talking to a lawyer who works for Nissan at the weekend. He told me in no uncertain terms they are leaving wearside after the current models expire. This is the reality of the situation. Honda, Toyota etc all in the same boat. How's this going to affect your work? I fully expect your fingers are in your ears. But you will reap what you sow, fatty.

the great british public will never forget the global financial crisis was all labour's fault

The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half 01/10/2018 Alreet diary? Been almost a year since ah was in the kooh i noor restaurant in the bigg market disguised as an Indian waiter in me never ending quest to get the scoops on the high flyers at the cathedral on the hill, St James' park and one Michael Wallace Ashley, all for me loyal puntas who live for their daily NUFC fix. Why bring that up again you might ask? Well, not for the first time in me award winning career ah was going fine dining again to fill mesel up with some scrumpchis, err, scrumptchi, err some lovely NUFC story for me back page in the Ronald Gill. Ah heard off one of me new narks in the NUFC squad that Mike Ashley was tekking rafa and the lads oot for some scran as he was starting to feel the heat from the protests and wanted some good publicity. Me nark, who ah can't name, let on where they'd be, so ah thanked young Jamie, 'Sterrys-in-their-eyes' and hot footed it doon to North Shields Sambucas restaurant with me false tache on and glasses and managed to get a seat near all the squad, Rafa and the Buckinghamshire whale. The waiters handed oot two menus, the proper one and a 3 course special one which was only £3.99 for three courses. Mike piped up, "Rafa, me old Iberian sausage, tell the boys they can have anyfing they want off the £3.99 menu. Anyfing, money's no object!" And ah thought to mesel that must be almost £150 with drinks chucked in! That would've been me weekly wage when the great Sir Bobby was in charge! They'd just finished ordering and the waiter was heading to the kitchen when Jacob Murphy had changed his mind and wanted Spaghetti bolognese instead of a Hawaiian pizza. Ah thought the kid was as decisive on his food as he was with his final ball but when it looked too late Javier Manquillo piped up, "Don't worry, Jacob, I'll intercept him before he gets to the door and tell him what you want!" Manquillo then darted doon the long table, got past Rafa's and Ashley's chairs and was just about to tap the waiter's shoulder when the Italian waiter side stepped him went through the kitchen door and Manquillo crashed onto his arse. Nee wonder we were struggling, ah thought! Ah got a few bits and pieces for me back page, ah wasn't in the best place to hear everything but ah thought ah'd just do a '5 things we learned about a 3 course Italian Toon slap up' and clocked who ate what, when ah noticed what looked like Rafa coaching Joselu at the dining table! Wow! He just doesn't let up and is a fanatic. Ah pretended to gan forra piss so ah could hear his advice to the Spanish hitman. "Please, Joselu, I know it is not your favourite but mike has paid good money for it, can you not finish it?" Matt Ritchie then shouted out that he couldn't finish anything before the unhappy Spaniard striker broke down in tears. Just as things were kicking off Mike diffused the situation by necking a pint, farting loudly, shouting out 'more tea, vicar' and then spewed up in an alcove! He then got out his phone and argued with the owner about getting two for one on his voucher cloud app but Luigi wasn't having it and said it was already on special! Eventually a deal was done and a happy Mike got a further 25% off while the players picked straws to see which three of them would have to come back next week for an hours photo op with sambuca's customers. Ah thought to mesel that yes, he gets stick, but fair play to him for boosting the teams morale with this night oot. Ah just knew the players lapped it up and would now go on a winning run and ah just knew me puntas would be dining out on me 5 star, shit hot Newcastle United craic! Ryder does it again! Lol. Laters.