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The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half 16/02/2019 Oh this year we're off to sunny Spain! Y Viva Espana! EEEh ya fucka, diary. The things ah get to do in this crazy world of following NUFC just so me loyal punters get their daily fix of Ryder hot takes of life on the United beat as Olly used to say. Ah managed to get to Murcia via an easyjet flight to Alicante then bussed the rest of the way to the United camp, 'living the fucking dream' diary! Lol. When ah fund oot aboot the trip ah thought ah'd ring rund the lads and kill two bords with one stone which is something all us seasoned hacks know is the way to get the scoops. Anyways, ah bells cockeyed Mala and he let on that Pigeon chest Campbell was thinking of having a second stag do after his first got ruined by getting drugged and bummed by a couple of rent boys in Budapest after a prank got a bit oot a hand. Like Hannibal off the A-Team, ah fucking loved it when a plan got together and thought we'd ah'll gan on the piss after the friendly v CSKA Moscow where ah'd metamorf, meteormophis, err change into Balou with the NUFC stuff and only do the bare necessities with a Rafa quote, a player quote and a 'five things' bit before giving the Spanish senorita hinnies six nowt later on! Ah'd also gave one time Spanish Toon defender, 'Sore-finger-on-my-chip' Marcelino a bell asking him to turn up so ah could tek a photo of him as ah knew he lived close by. "Senor Ryder! I am having a family BBQ that day! I cannot make it, my old friend" he said on the phone. Ah then reminded him of a certain Thomson House cleaner called Jeanette and how Senora Marcelino might want to hear a few tales when he reluctantly decided to show up! (You have to be ruthless in this game, diary, kid gloves off). Anyways, after a shite kickabout ah got a couple of quotes, took 'fingers' pic then met the lads in Murcia toon centre. Ah'd already had a few chilled sangrias pitchside in the heat and mustn't have realised the potency as we headed oot. Ah was fucking rampant winking at the Iberian fanny and any holiday makers of the female variety. Ah was fucking mortal by the time we got to a nightclub and that's where these fucking Russian booncers set their lip up. "No! This one does not come in!" said fucking Ivan number one. "What ya talking aboot ya daft cunt! ah've anny had a few!" ah said trying to stand up straight. It was then ah noticed a CSKA tattoo on his knuckle! So, he was in the huff at not beating the mighty Mags in a friendly, eh? Thought he could mess with the former foot soldier of the Toon army? Ah was aboot to swing a punch when ah realised he was probably one of the MMA Russian hardcore hooligans. Ah thought to mesel that ah couldn't spoil Pigeon chest Campbell's second stag do after the first one went Pete Tong so ah let Ivan off the hook and we staggered to a brothel where even Cock eyed Mala got his end away and Pigeon chests arsehole remained unmolested! Lol. Anyways, flights to catch, NUFC stuff to write, Punters to keep happy! Ryder and fucking out.

Sunderland is a shithole and their ground is shit too. All they have that the rest of the division doesn't is 30,000 empty seats. Although it's instructive how far they have to fall before they start being other teams 'cup finals'. Teams raised their games against us and got their record attendances both times we went down, because we were a big draw, someone they hate & want to beat. Sunderland fit in with that division quite well & I'd say there's a score of clubs ran better. They've been buying snake oil off Stu for too long and it's going to haunt them wonderfully.

The levels of delusional arrogance they have shown this season towards other league 1 teams is embarrassing tbh, I mean for fuck sake half of their stadium got closed off because they are such a HUGE club. They never learn do they? They expected to walk the championship (the pub leeg marra) and got relegated while enjoying Burton and then this season most of them expected to walk league 1 now it’s sinking in that they probably won’t go up and they are slowly turning on the club, manager, players ect. The amount of times I’ve seen ‘the clubs to big for the players and the manager, the pressures to much’ type comments is unreal as well (we are the delusional ones though) but the saddest part of it all is that we are still largely the main talking point on that forum despite the position they find themselves in.. they can say that we are obsessed all they want but take one look at RTG on any given day and it’s crystal clear which side of our rivalry holds the most obsession for the other. Imagine how even more rabid they would be if in a couple more years they are still stuck in league 1 being everyones cup final every week (they actually say that) and we are in the prem under new ownership.. I think it would just about push most of them over the edge.

Today's pearler, they are fucking clueless, utterly clueless.

"Hehehe. The auld black book of shit hot toon contacts, handed down by me auld mentor, Alan 'wide of the mark' Oliver paying divvie, divadents, err, paying off once again. Up there for thinking, doon there for dancing, wor kid. Lol."

I read that a couple of hours after the discussion started there was an article about how Mourinho told Woodward to sign him. Obviously expected to only pay £10m though. It's probably a mental block where they refuse to accept that he's worth more than their ENTIRE CLUB

I’m sure Honeyman or whatever shite they have in midfield are far better according to them. Just had a quick look, apparently Lascelles would be lucky to be worth £10m, meanwhile they’ve paid basically half that for an average League One striker. They are fucking ridiculous

Anything less than finishing top is their worst season in their entire history. But all of that can be undone if the Don has a dig at the mags in Twitter

They’re going to have to go on some winning run to get in the top two since Luton and Barnsley don’t look like they’re going to drop many points. So, they need to go on streaks of 4/5 wins on the bounce but they absolutely don’t know how to kill teams off. What a shame

FFS gloomy, man!

They’re a proper league One side, it’s time they accepted it the arrogant fucking bastards.

Lads, lads, they're being too nice to the minnows. That's the problem.

Have they dismissed Longstaff as shite yet? They'll hate him coming through.

They're knacked if they don't get promoted and they're knacked if they do. They'll be bummed senseless in the Championship.

1-1 Howay ffs down if we lose this.

@Dr Gloom why don’t we have a new owner yet? You promised.

That’s shit. Used to use them all the time when I worked in Norn Iron and they seemed to be universally known as FlyMaybe

At least the sponsor adds some class to the aesthetic

Don’t shoot the messenger!

281 games for club and country. 86 goals. £4m for a third tier striker who doesn't even average one goal in every three games. The gift that keeps giving. The silly twats don't realise that drawing a game is as close to losing as it is to winning. 'If we'd won those games......'

Me too. “ Tuggy” “Nana” “Mam” and “Pet” , I reckon.

There was a woman practically in tears in the audience explaining why her high tech chemical company would have to move or close if we had a hard Brexit. Not a single fuck was given by the panel. Its as if they didn't hear her. JRM made up some anecdote about a chemical company who he claims would benefit from the reduction in red tape. And that was that.

ITS HAPPENING LADS! LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL!

A typically transparent fraud. Unfortunately he only has to know a tiny bit more that those who follow him.

I saw that on QT last night. He really compared British concentration camps, which he claimed were beneficial the natives, were no worse than living in Glasgow. Really. And people applauded. Really. Nobody bats an eyelid. This is where we are now. We have a massive problem.

Re: Churchill & Empire. Rees Mogg going into bat for him last night on QT elicited this response on a well known social media site...

Not letting myself get excited in anyway. As mint as it sounds I just can’t see the chode giving it up.

It’s the hope that’ll kill us 🙏 Cheers @Dr Gloom

If referees weren't so shit I would not be bothered if we didn't bring in VAR. However they are incredibly shit and self centred so we do need it.

Bloody Cockneys!