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Fist jnr asked for a Mohawk today, having grown his mop to Peter Tork out the Monkees length. Happy to oblige.

Sounds like one of those very annoying peloton adds

I did have to have a wry, spiteful chuckle at a teacher I know booting off (rightfully) about the safety concerns about going back to work where 4 weeks ago, she seemed perfectly content in thinking that a clap on the doorstep was enough to Get rid of my concerns about having to go to work with even worse conditions.

Fuck me, the Mail are a bunch of snowflakes, aren't they? Not to mention hypocrites. Imagine the outraged thinkpieces they'd be writing if a nursery or a hipster café banned words like "mucky" to describe kids because it might hurt their feelings.

23 degrees today apparently. Trip to the coast to see Renton? Get there early, it's gonna be rammed.

Paddock Lad even more influential than I realised.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-52723101 Anyone spot the tiny little contradiction here?

This was really fucking tedious to scroll through twice on my phone.

Fast-forward three hours:

I have decided this will be announced today as I have 2 days off work, it's already scorching hot, and I am going to start celebration drinking in about 30 minutes. Will check the news later to confirm I am correct

Every single cunting one of the cabinet send their kids to private schools, none of which are opening before september - why don't they just ask all of them whether they'd send their kids back in June?

My favourite was

I’m going to have to take drastic measures, like. It’s nice to be reminded that my hair has the depth and strength of the raging sea but it’s getting out of control.

You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well, I'm the only one here. Who do the f*** do you think you're talking to? Oh, yeah? Ok.

Just watched it. Double bastard.

Bastard. I have to watch it now.

Cans! Cans!

First day I’ve thought the easing of the lockdown is a good idea. The queue for the Co-Op has been quite excellent.

Its alright, I'm stuck in an office at work you massive twat.

Also and

Gnat West was my favourite

Never get tired of watching it

You definitely want to queue on the other side of the road.

He’s doing it wrong. Get back in the shed.

Knew I’d get someone

Mate of mine posted a pic to his FB of Cullercoats beach- not quite as packed but still… I look at it as Darwinism in action, thinning out the herd.

How many of the parents on there are 'I'm not sending my kids back to school?' 'ere Chardonnay, go to the ice cream man and get your dad a 99'

I see we're not really getting anywhere with this takeover

I saw them on that tour but in cardiff. In the pub too long so missed the verve though

No, saw them at reading festival though, must have been 94 or 95

You’ve got to love how having concerns about your health, the health of the children you teach, the health of your family, their families and wider society is ‘callous’.

Mellon Collie is too indulgent and long with brief highlights whereas Siamese Dream is a musical masterpiece and very strong contender for the best album ever made.

How the fuck did we get here?

Half of everyone is under average intelligence or something, I’m not good a percentages

Thing is, I think it's human nature to think like that to an extent, and that's okay. I went to the local park to sit and read at lunchtime, and I was a bit pissed off at first by how many other people were there. But then you catch yourself and realise that obviously you're no different to them. And besides, you didn't drive 90 minutes to get there. And you aren't complaining about it on camera.

“Sunderland stand uncertain in seventh place in the third tier and, if the season ends now, it will be the lowest finishing position in their 141-year history.” Mint.

The academy of light Between them, Sunderland’s under-18 and under-23 teams have a record this season of P34 W0 L 33 and a goal difference of -99.

Reminds me of that George Carlin line, “Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”

The thing with stupid people is, they are so stupid they don't know that they're stupid.

Always reminds me of the kid in Mask

Funnily enough neither can he since that.

His predictions are crepe

It's pointless man, the brain dead are already lapping it up. It's the fault of the WHO, China, remainers, the left, the NHS, anyone except those actually in power. I was reading the Mail earlier today and the comments are broadly "I'm sick of people criticising the government, these care homes were privately owned so the buck stops with the owners", and "send the young back to work, we need our pensions", and "where were these so called experts when the pandemic was unfolding?! hindsight is easy!!". I now have very strong feelings about what should be done with these people, that I won't note down here.

I'd actually been thinking this might be the perfect time for me and the fella to finally tie the knot. "Sorry everyone, couldn't have anyone there except us and the witnesses, such a shame"