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Get the house fitted with Smart Bulbs, get a staff and a robe, and declare yourself the Keeper of the Light. Anytime she forgets her place, plunge the house into darkness.

Just shut the back door on my lass hanging the washing out, telling her "we're not heating the street". Tried to lipread what she was saying through the window, but couldn't work it out. I'll find out soon enough.

Quiff, only I can see the accounts you're making and even if that wasn't the case, grown adults don't really get worked up about the things you're using them to say when they come from a psychotic loser on the internet. Call your therapist and book some more appointments, you need them.

I’m on a nice weekend break in Dublin with a friend from uni who I haven’t seen in about seven years. We sit down and the first thing he mentions is that he has been arrested twice in the last three years for threatening to kill Boris Johnson and other public figures. He reckons 9/11 was done by the British, he knows who killed Princess Diana and has various other theories. I’m sharing a room with him until Sunday and I’m a bit scared at this point.

Boris or Bust, they must be expecting Mordaunt to make the final two.

When will you drop the "It's like Blackpool Illuminations in here!"? I used that recently. Did. not. go. down. well.

We barely mention the war for the last 70 years, and this is how they repay us.

Lord Nelson was about 5ft 6. His statue is 17ft 4. That’s Horatio of about 3:1

Don't indulge him. (unless it works)

City of Chester. @The Fishterritory. I bet Dave's his wingman.

I still struggle to care about the National team

It costs 0.1 PENCE to run a 60W LED bulb for an hour. Typical accountant, counting the pennies and ignoring the thousands of pounds your divorce will cost you.

Who says we don’t need the BBC?

Absolutely not. The only thing I'd like Johnson to swing on is a fucking noose. I absolutely detest the cunt and don't want him anywhere near the PM job.

It would’ve been 11/9 for a start, if ewerk’s mate was onto anything.

Say hello to Wolfy from us.

Man of the people.

The problem with only appointing leavers to cabinet is that they are as thick as fuck. Odd that.

Craig, get off Facebook. For your own good and ours.

Never heard of it until now, quick youtube and my interest is piqued, though I worry it may already have peaked. Words are fun, aren't they? Piqued, peaked. Homonyms.

The BBC like the rest of the news media is a business looking for an audience. Nothing guarantees listeners/viewers/readers like Boris Johnson, so we are 100% guaranteed wall to wall Bring back Boris vox pops because whats what drives interaction. The impression that the nation wants him back is reinforced in a circle of bullshit

We're basically this gilet now.

all the milf hunters who were bigging up truss could have their world's turned upside down if morduant wins as she's different league

Apparently they think it'll be Poch or Emery.

Beale just turned them down yesterday apparently. Said he wants to stay and continue with QPR. I can't work out if that's funnier than him replacing Gerrard or not.

Yeah but people tend to scroll right past your posts.

Starmer should keep banging this drum. That is fucking outrageous for 44 days.

Incidentally, this is exactly the same word cloud you get when you ask Quiff what he thinks of TT's mod team. #BringQuiffBack

You fuck one pig ...

The targets I've seen mentioned appear beyond them to me in Frank and Poch. They'd be more suited to Sean Dyche. He's suitably bland that he'd fit in without being noticed at all. Just like the whole fuckin club.

JRM might decide he’s had enough fun in the Commons and follow in his father’s footsteps and become a Life Peer. That way he can dress up even more and work even less.

@Meenzer 🧵

There’s a bit of NUFC supporter syndrome to this. If the polls were anything like the opposite then we wouldn’t give an incumbent Labour government a hope. I accept people are morons and the Tories have the support of large swathes of the media. Hopefully whatever happens just further damages them. And I would have Johnson back in a heartbeat if I believe dozens of Tories would cross the chamber. Not sure they’d have the stones if it came to it though

Christopher Hope is a fucking bellend. Everything he writes is in service to Boris Johnson. He needs to come back. He nerds to apologise to his MPs, his party and the country. And then he needs to whip his MPs to end the Privileges Committee inquiry and chuck out any that refuse. You fucking what mate?!

He's just resigned. Fuck me my posts have got some potency.

Winning it would be fun, but also bring out all the mouth breathing chest beaters. We have a chance but can only see quarter finals tbh, Southgate (who I like) isn’t brave enough to win a tournament

If Dyche goes there, we could sell them Chris Wood in January. (No offence Woody!)

The fact that both Pochettino and Dyche are being touted for the Villa job illustrates the massive gulf between where Villa think they are as a club and where they’re actually at.