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"Ya knaa me, ahm nee grass, you keep your cards close to ya chest and say fuck ahll. But. When it's an international break and stories are slow, when you can get away with a quick made up retro piece from Kevin Scott then get down to the monkey bar to have a few moretti's you'd think everything would be cush. Wrong. Ahve had a few and am feeding the fucking bandit but the bandit isn't playing back, fifty fucking bar ah dropped when ah was virtually doon to BFH, bus fare home, so sat down to finish me pint before fucking off home. Then what happens is Sandro Fucking Tonali walks in with his olive oil voice and Guinea charm and puts a quid in the bandit and it drops the lot back to him including me fifty fucking spondoolies. NUFC hero or not ah was onto the Italian FA quick as a flash. Fuck him! Made iz feel a bit better afterwards, lol! Laters. Ryder and Tonali's out."

"Why didn't you tell me you worked for the cabal of mysterious Tyneside businessmen, Tom? I thought you were just some two bob mackem bastard trying to get me to pay for their elevator to be fixed." "The mysterious cabal of Tyneside businessmen don't like their name to be banded around, I only have one client and it's them." "What can I do for them, Tom?" "Get Sandro off by tonight or tomorrow you'll be sharing your bed with Khartoum's head, bonny lad." "Mamma Mia!"

If Tonali had told him to jump off the Tyne Bridge would he have done it? [/Me Grandma

"Saudi Airlines @ SJP" on the way with £250m a season to help cover Tonali's gambling debts.

Not really advice, just empathy, I have similar issues with one of mine, although she is a fair bit older. It's really one of the things you can't control, especially at school. Let the teachers know your concerns and I am sure they will be on the lookout and help where they can. See, this is the thing about having kids. One of the characters on bad sisters said "you're only as happy as your unhappiest child" and I was just knocked over by how true and profound this was. I mean I'm socially awkward as fuck as an adult but after a while you really stop giving a fuck. But now you have to worry about how your kids socialise, and what's worse, it hurts much more than anything that directly affects you and you have little control over it. Parenthood sucks in many ways.

Ah, but you forget he was named MOTM in one of their Derbies with us. That's automatic Icon status on wearyside.

Reads like a Louise Taylor piece.

TBF you can understand their nostalgia for the heady days with M’Vila when they finished *checks notes* 17th in the Premier League.

Not sure the Italian accent is still appropriate here.

Ca flan pour moi.

First thing they should do with the nonexistent £50m is have a nonexistent plan to expand the stadium so they can attract nonexistent extra fans to a ground they are several thousand nonexistent fans from being able to fill

Its alreet Wor Sean has it covered.

Whatever it is will be small recompense for your lost gonads

Good that he's just moved from a country with very strict gambling laws to a country that actively encourages betting and which includes betting adverts during every break on Sky Sports. Even suggesting possible bets at half time during football matches. That should help.

Just reminded me but the kids found an old DS. Anyway I’d completed New Super Mario Bros years ago but noticed there were some levels (maybe a half dozen) where I hadn’t found all the star coins. So I decided to find them without using any walkthroughs or anything. A couple of them were really difficult to find. Anyway, guess what happens when you find them all. That’s right. Absolutely fuck all

Perish the thought they grow into adults spending all their time with their online friends

I know of a young, Italian lad who'd be willing to bet the opposite.

Wasn't involved in their last game as he's been sent to Fat CUNT camp

Translation. I'm going to come out with a list of obvious lame right wing talking points then fuck off as they are undefendable and evaporate under the slightest logical analysis

Except it is clever, and it's also funny. Just because you like Trump (making an assumption here based on your overreaction to the bit) doesn't make this any less funny. You can joke about anything. Literally anything. It's a joke. Although the irony, of right wingers crying about cancel culture, "you can't say anything these days", and "snowflakes" - and then have the brass neck to cry arse on about a stand up comic making fun of Trump (in any way, shape or form) is equally hilarious to me. "You can't say anything these days, fucking snowflakes - Ooh but you definitely CAN'T say that." He literally jokes about Biden immediately after Trump - saying he's so old he'd be the first president you could punch assassinate. It's comedy for fuck sake, anyone who kills someone because a comedian made a joke about it is mentally ill - but that shouldn't stop comedians.

You really shouldn't consider if you should be watching this. What good can it do? They're jihadists, they are human zombies, with no humanity. Whilst I understand your reference to the holocaust, they did exactly the same in Paris at the Bataclan, 8 years ago. It's not just Jews they hate, they hate everything the West represents and life itself. There will be more attacks in Western Europe. I fact it's already started in Brussels. Be careful everyone.

There now follows an advert for the match day experience at the Stadium of Light.

Wonder if this is all about Tonali hitting the jackpot on the slot machine in Wetherspoons?

Pep Aroni

WHat do I win?

Was it your kid that flicked your ear on the Metro?

Fagioli's bookie upon hearing the news:

Quite like the username though

Maxi was still bang average for us, perpetually injured, and is doing shite in the kingdom of Saud. Soz Glenn.

been likened to glenn close..... saying no more!

I am guessing LTA is a crazy super fan, who will not have a bad word said about a player who never earned that adulation on the pitch?

Hideous places, but a nice busy soft play on a weekend might help him come on as that age group just run around mental in those places as there’s no (or very few) pre established friendships. They just copy each other and do daft shite. Also well worth asking for an appointment with the teacher and get their view of what they see. Its quite a common situation and most kids find their route eventually.

In fairness, if there were any authorities I'd believe would suddenly misplace key evidence, it would be the Italians.

Don't worry, we're on it.

He looks good playing at half-speed against a load of forklift drivers tbf

Good idea.

If you've got him in football training, if you keep him hanging out with kids away from school and all that, he'll be grand. He might just need a little time to warm up. You got him in any other groups outside of school? Maybe try some martial arts?

BFH

Yeah. Heartbreaking to watch and that’s without them going too deep into the finer details of what happened. Animals. The world just feels a bit shit at the moment. Almost like something huge is brewing.

Italian football media know fuck all, Italian media say Tonali is likely in the clear

Willo leaves Gateshead with his head held high….

Fagioli in court.