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What does it look like above water?

I can do worse than that. They don't look so clever after 45 years

We're all bad parents doing the best we can! My dad let me watch Total Recall as a young kid which was a gore fest, and had a woman in it with three tits and I turned out fine, okay not fine, but okay - well not okay either tbh, but in short I'm a shit dad. What were we talking about again?

It is but tv in general was desperate for a shakeup and some diversity. If you watch almost anything pre-George Floyd’s murder / #MeToo then it can be quite jolting just how lacking in diversity shows were. Like panel shows where one woman, maybe one person of colour or someone with a non-British accent (just one of those, not all 3) were on. That would be on a relatively ‘woke’ programme too. It was also good to see the likes of Lawrenson being fucked off. He went from being good to going on like he’d been asked to identify a body in terms of his personality and enthusiasm on 5Live, etc. Ditto Alan fucking Green.

Glory hunters, want to be associated with the glamour games. Didn’t see them at the Baseball Ground in 92 did we?

The Babadook!

We need Brian Moore from the rugby to come in and commentate... Totally unbiased

As it's nearly Christmas, let's embrace the spirit of this old broon ale advert.

Guaranteed the lad had his tongue sticking out as he was drawing it.

we've already got renton. don't need anymore fannies on the board

I’ve learned more about the actual tactics being played out in front of me on the screen from Emma Hayes than maybe any other pundit ever. That’s from about two/three England games I’ve seen her do. Others that explained things simply and clearly were Terry Venables and Jack Charlton when they were on the circuit. The rest are to varying degrees ok to fuckin awful but I’ll quite often turn the sound down if it’s Savage or Ferdinand or Owen. Put some music on that’s not too distracting and make your own fuckin minds up about what’s happening

Quite enjoying the thread wars

Aye McCoist is great. Of all the current commentators and pundits he's my favourite. He never takes favourites, and basically passes on the information of what he's seeing in a way that any normal fan of the game would. I think Neville is the better of Sky pundit/commentators as he can put his personal feelings aside and talk about what he's witnessing. Carragher is the complete opposite. However, I do like those two together in the studio. Keane is a fucking dickhead, but it's funny watching his outbursts whenever he's on pundit duties for Man Utd, plus him and Micah Richards have been an interesting pairing as Richards is clearly a wind up merchant, and loves to get under Keane's skin during games.

My last season ticket was in the platinum club (it was my brothers, who decided to boycott Ashley a lot sooner than me! ) so I always had a nice warm bar to go and stand in, and the queues for the bogs were a bit smaller so I'd always manage to get a quick piss in and then a pint. On occasion I'd see the tail end of some fat cunt tripping over his own feet and the bloke on the mic offering commiserations. I'd rather have witnessed a stoning tbh.

Gavin Peacock is completely wrong and I'm a Christian but then again I'm not grifting We need better punditry full stop, whether that's male, female or moose.

It would have been interesting watching some flip flop on Sunday. Starting off waving their wangers around in the sausage thread only to shit the bed and move over the to the dark cloud thread at half time.

This is how it begins. I will not stand by while sossige apartheid rears its ugly head. I’m Cumberland and proud.

I think someone mentioned it earlier but it should be split into bed wetters and sausages. One can be a thread of hope and positivity. The other can be full of misery, negativity and suggestions we should sell Miggy when he misplaces a pass.

Those who have criticised female commentators have gone down the worm hole unfortunately in trying to be polite about the ones they're referring to. What they should have said is some of the women who are commentating on the football are shit and have been put there to appease a section of society so can we have some more women who are good at it. I've heard a couple of decent female commentators and there's a couple of decent pundits, including Jill Scott (excusing she's one of the unwashed) but there's a whole bunch of blokes who are equally shit at it and only got the gig because of their ex player status.

More of it in England, I say

What happens when the AI loses us a game though?

The Orcs pissing their knickers in case we get the full allocation. Ready to Groom, the gift that keeps on giving

Much like our erstwhile football team, we here at TT Towers are having a personnel crisis. Andrew is now essentially nocturnal, he only comes out with his fellow hobbits to talk about second-breakfast and potatoes. Tom has been churning out some very niche grumble movies in Holland, involving Grannies, Guinea Pigs, and Granola. He’s been pretending to be on tour with “his band”, but WE’VE ALL SEEN THE VIDEOS TOM! ( well… I have). Meenzer, as evidenced by his response above, has fully embraced nihilism, chaos, and curtain twitching since moving to the ‘burbs. If you can drag him away from the Residents Group on Facebook where he’s conducting a campaign against THAT BITCH from no. 42 and her incontinent Pomeranian, you’re doing well. Rayvin now lives in a cave in the Outer Hebrides, burning wicker figurines of Starmer and apologising to passing sheep. If it wasn’t for my technological genius and wizardry keeping this place in its feet, we’d be Parsnipping every other post. 5-0. Double hatrick from Cabaye and Tiote.

I got my sex sossidge done not long after I met Mrs. F. I showed her and she said “ Why does it say ‘Way’?” I said “ Give it a minute, it’s ‘ Welcome to Newcastle upon Tyne, have a nice day’ “

there used to be a pub in cheltenham called '1992' right den of iniquity and probably a huge embarrassment to the town's council as it was in a prime spot on the promenade next to the fountains etc, loved it in there me, was the cotswolds equivalent of the black garter! anyway.... bizarrely it was owned by newcastle breweries and just before it closed down to become an Italian restaurant I erm acquired the tin golfing and camping ones from the wall. inconsiderate twat's could've had that one for me to steal too!

So Gloomys kids, what were your Dads last words? Well…err…

You try taking a photo of your upper arm, it's not easy, I don't know how lasses do these selfies without breaking stride?

there aren't many things that scare me as much as the prospect of a long, slow decline towards death, losing faculties and being a burden to my kids. i'm going to get a massive stash of all the drugs i was too scared to ever try and go out in style long before i get to that point

Love Brian Moore. He’s an even bigger Yorkshire bastard than Wykiki

I’m absolutely shite at it. I don’t pretend otherwise

They also think they are getting Will Still from Reims. Stranger things have happened but I can't see how a young manager, who's exceeding expectations in the French league would suddenly up sticks (along with his backroom staff) and move to Sunderland. His stock has never been higher and if he keeps going surely a mid-table premier league club is surely going to come calling in the next 6-12 months.

Alex Scott ticks all my boxes.

RTG levels of shambles this, mind.

Two threads is confusing enough, why would we want a third?!

The meltdown on rtg tonight over our ticket allocation is funny as fuck.

First ever CL game for me. Also, probably last ever CL game for me. As a new fan, can anyone tell me which one is the surgeon hall exhibition Newcastle brown ale west stand, please?

Had a drop at Central Station in town today. Parked at the top end nearest the Life Centre, unloaded, rang the number to find out where they wanted it. Me-“ Hello, I’m at the staff car park with your pallet, where would you like it?” TAFMG* “ Errh, I’m near the Hotel…” Me “ Oh, OK, which hotel?” TAFMG “ The one next door” Me - “ Next door to the station, ok, are you at the hotel or at the station?” TAFMG -“ I’m on me own “ Me * muttering “ Jesus-titty-fucking-christ… Erm, Ok mate, if you tell me where you are I’ll come to you. “ TAFMG- “ I’m next to the Hotel” Me, now thinking I’m actually dealing with a special needs lad-“ Ok mate, can you see the buses where you are, or can you see the trains?” TAFMG - “ No, I’m near the hotel” Eventually found the fucker, at the other end of the station, in the goods yard next to the Long Stay car park. Not special needs, he was just, without a shadow of a doubt, the stupidest fucker on these fair isles. * Thick As Fucking Mince Gadgie

I guess not everyone has a Blue Badge Chaffeurs account, eh @thebrokendoll?

There's a few of those on twitter, [insert photo here] 'What on earth am I doing up at daft o'clock at the central station? WHY DO WE DO IT?' Don't fucking do it then?

“Last surviving megafauna”….. Dave goes all Attenborough on us, he’s probably sat at his iMac now, wearing a safari suit and a Panama hat ☺️