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I'm just waiting for the nod at my office window from the gaffer to indicate that he's fine if I fuck off early. I'm pretty much done work wise - there's no-one else in to give me anything to do. I'm even holding in a piss to the point I can barely contain it just to add some stress and excitement to my day when I inevitably have to lump 15 stone of fat-mess at a world record speed to the bog to avoid the shame and embarrassment of pissing myself at work again.

Only problem is that Gemmill hasn’t shown any of the wit or charm that Pearson does in his videos

12.26 today.... What a sad, sad cunt I am.

Well, it's suddenly very quiet here now most people have finished work! Six hours left for me. Merry fucking christmas everyone!

TRUTH!

This reminds me of an old joke. As I'm bored.... Marjorie had been invited to her son Alan's flat he shared with his flatmate Martin for some dinner. Marjorie liked Martin and thought he was a lovely lad but also thought he and Alan were an item but Alan always got evasive when Marjorie dropped hints. Anyway, a lovely meal was had by all, the odd hint was politely batted away and Marjorie went home later that night. A few days later Alan sent his mam a text; 'Mam, we've been looking all over for our big frying pan. We haven't seen it since you were around for dinner. I'm not saying you did take it and I'm not saying you didn't take it but we thought you might've borrowed it or something? Love, Alan x.' Marjorie replied to Alan's text; 'Alan, when I went to the toilet not long before I left I hid the frying pan in Martin's bed. I'm not saying you are a couple and I'm not saying you aren't a couple but if Martin was sleeping in his own bed you'd have found it by now. Lots of love, mam x x'

My bosses are German so am I fuck being allowed to finish early. Doesn't mean I'll actually be doing much work though. And the mother-in-law is coming to stay tonight so the delights never end. (I like her really, I just resent having to make the house vaguely presentable.)

Did you give it a good suck before swallowing it?

I had a mate living in Tyne Dale who met a bloke in a pub who offered to connect him to the gas grid for a large one off fee. Talking thousands but a pure one off capital cost. Made a bit of a mess of his approach road, but it worked really well at first, free gas! Then one day it suddenly it stopped working. Bloke isn't answering his phone so my mate has to dig up the feed pipe himself to see what's happened. Finds it connected to a now empty Calor gas cylinder.

One of the great days

No idea what the score is going to be, but Wilson to do a few keepy ups and then sit on the ball

Not gonna lie, it’s been fuckin great 😀

That's one muckle ladies bathroom your photographing there you old perv.

I had to go to Sainsbury's instead of just Wallsend as I needed more than veg. Parking wasn't straightforward and the shop was full of 50/60 year old couples blocking the aisles while they discussed what they needed but I knew what I needed, had the scanner, sharp got in and out and drove out the sneaky way so was back home within an hour. I was thinking of getting the wife some perfume she wanted but she says the silver link is stowed off so it's the thought that counts.

BlueSaga.

Quiche is fucking class. Especially when it’s as thick as a brickie’s wrist.

Gets mentioned every time something like this gets posted, but try and count the obese people in that video. Compare it to walking through town today. Nice trip through memory lane too.

Dr Gloom confirming he has also fallen for Adam Ps legendary chat up lines.

Cans

Ooh unfortunately that's incorrect. The answer I was looking for was "more Guinness" but thanks for playing

You'll find yourself doing this all the time whether you like it or not in a couple of decades. Fortunately us pharmacologists have devised treatments for it, it's what i'm working on now as it happens. We really are ace. People should worship big Pharma, not deride us.

You think you're sad? Mind, at least I'm at work...

"Where's my ho, ho ho's at?"

Compasses won’t work near this post

Behind The Scenes - Michael Beale's First Day | RTG Sunderland Message Boards (readytogo.net) The mackems don't appreciate a good powerpoint. Won't lie though, some of the comments have tickled me so I am off to have a bath in bleach.

Classic schizophrenic

Good. Means I am on stealth mode What's your name there?

I was given a lovely jelly baby today at work. Something about it didn't feel right.... What a depraved world we live in.

One for @Craig

Am scoobied by this thread but this amused me.

There've been a few divisive issues on this board; sitting vs standing, stats vs gut feel, Adam P vs non-weirdos. But Pie vs No Pie will act as the rallying cry that brings us all together. We have a common enemy now. Get him lads!