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If I win the lottery I'm going buy a box at SJP for Toontastic use. I am also going to start a company solely to employ the twat during match hours

Surely we could have had this wrapped up a month ago? We can sign players in 5 days.

He can’t handle the truth.

All this talk of injuries and changing things is all well and good but some things are just written in the stars

Aye Phillips is a very typical holding midfielder. I’m not his biggest fan but he’s the type of player we need to give our midfield balance, as at the moment we have Bruno, Miley, and Longstaff all going forward as 8’s with no one hanging back and teams are just walking right through midfield. Even with Joelinton and Willock there it’s still a type of player we needed, it’s just their all action pressing style helped mask it more. It’s similar to Liverpool getting Endo really, he’s not that great but he does his role and helps the rest of midfield keep pressure on. I agree with PL on the keeper tbh, Dubravka doesn’t seem to make a save nowadays he was canny a few years ago but sometimes he doesn’t even seem to move as shots fly in. Think DM, GK, and obviously the right wing are priorities this window.

He needs to be firing out CVs this Twixmas instead of sitting in bars drinking OUR tax dole. Fucking bludger.

Anyway, barely sat down in the bar yesterday when one of my mates said, 'Are you working yet?' I told him I wasn't before he slowly looked away and said 'Fucking lazy cunt.' Which made me laugh.

Btw, anyone calling this time of year*: ’Twixmas Fuck off, keep fucking off and then, when you get there, fuck off some more * I assume this applies to no one on here

Klopp to win by a furlong.

Ive always been a right skinny bastard despite my ridiculous diet of Guinness and fry-ups but quit smoking in January this year and figured that if this isn't the year I get fat it's never happening. Photos from the last couple of days confirm that it is indeed happening.

Howe is bringing in PL’s middle niece for a motivational talk before the game 0-5. All off Miggy’s right peg.

I take this one for the team

Pickford

Where do you get those players? Theres no guarantee that a player from abroad is going to get up to speed immediately and decent PL players playing regularly now are hard to get.

Our current run of form is ENTIRELY down to you being a fucking lazy cunt I'll have you know.

Christmas collation MKII done- got about 12 coming tomorrow, for a delayed Boxing Day eat and drink fest. I now have: Beef and Chestnut Mushroom Pastistada* in the slow cooker. 6 Bean Veggie Chilli ( I’m counting green lentils as beans in same way mackems are nearly human- but for a few crucial genes they’re the same)-Arseburner version Homemade guacamole 🤮 A shitload of fresh salsa Various salads A cuddly fucking toy Corned beef and potato pie- the rules. Cheese and Charcuterie boards I’m making spicy potato skins as well when thy all get here. Also, Turkey Dansak for tea tonight** I am now going to minesweep the “opened by mistake when there’s already one open” wine from Baby Cheese’s birthday bash, and have told the kids and Mrs. F. that after tomorrow we’re living on Gregg’s and Rinky-Dinks until Jan 2nd. * slow cooked beef in a tomato base sauce, a bit of cinnamon and fuckloads of garlic. ** Just the single gallon, totally cheated with one of those Spice Tailor kits from Sainsbury- it’ll ding-dang-feckin-do!

Tearing* down that road in my mother's Rover 100 was a hoot. *limping

Sorry

Need a spirit of '88 vibes when we inexplicably beat them at anfield when; A. They were very good and B. We were very shit. If we can do it with that side......? (Jokes, we're getting the usual defeat).

what would he swap his spare testicle for?

Or..... "Wallsend high street? You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious."

Like what? Walter Mitty-esque? They fucking do like. I used to work with a bloke whose life, were any of it true, would be Hollywood material ten times over. Or do you mean nobody is so howl-at-the-moon mental when it comes to football they lose all sense of reason whenever their bitter rivals are mentioned? They do too. Just read that messageboard and the fury that pours off the screen from some regular contributors is astonishing. These are (mostly) grown men and women who cannot set aside petty partisan rivalry for a moment. People who somehow conflate supporting Sunderland with hating Newcastle. As Renton mentioned, we may well have a superiority complex when it comes to you, but we've got good fucking reason. Most of us are mid 30s to mid 50s, and for the past 20-40yrs Newcastle United have been superior to Sunderland in almost every season. Better players, better managers, better football, better finishes, better standard of competition, better crowds, just better. Of course some of us think Newcastle are better than Sunderland... we have been by pretty much every measure.

Any non-flat cappers we should be looking at there, Wykiki?

It'll be closer than we expect with a 97th minute (or however long it takes) sickener or two

I fucking love this place. Googleplex to the power of a Googleplex - - Pi. Nunez to break the laws of physics creating a black hole that stops just short of Warrington services. (soz to our away fans and most the population of Norway). About as plausible as the dribbling shit on BBC right now about that jug eared King Charles and his hound he married.

I think in the next window or two we might need to upgrade on miggy but not sure if you'll agree on that one, don't shoot me if you don't?

It'll really bake your noodle to find out that he wrote A Few Good Men too.

I thought there was something wrong looking at the empty spaces at both ends at Stamford bridge?

Used to be the place for illicit meetings of folks practising their infidelity.

another month of defeats and the club might allow members to enter ballots for aways. mind you, I doubt it, there's been several aways already where it's reached zero points and members who have points have still been excluded from purchasing. something n.u.s.t. seem to completely overlook in their surveys etc.

I hadn't heard of it till now. Cheers, Alex.

We'll be hammered. I'm giving this a miss.

Tear along the dotted lines - Italian animation that perfectly captures the millennial mindset and the depressing era we live in, while still being funny. It's on Netflix, I strongly recommend it but watch it in English cos in Italian with subs the dialogue moves too fast to actually read.

JINX!

We’ll lose in the most cruel and agonising way possible, defying the odds by taking an early lead and clinging on until two VAR decisions go their way after 15 minutes of injury time and Klopp shouting at the fourth official

Absolute hiding 5-0 Gerrard all 7

FYP

@Isegrim

My mate suffers with them and it’s at the point where he’s going to need brain surgery to remove the benign tumour that’s causing them. Something like a 98% success rate but increased a bit more because it isn’t keyhole. Going to be a worrying day or so when he goes in for it but hopefully, when they’re rummaging in his brain meat, they can switch off what makes him a miserable cunt

That’s why gift bags were invented.

Only time I've ever been in Harrogate was for a sexual interflora, fine dining, some drinks but mainly sexual interflora.

The Monte Carlo of the North. Get you