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Somewhere in the depths of Newcastle Civic Centre, a panicked conversation ensues between membersof the Saudi royal family, the Reuben brothers, and the city council. "Def con brown, I repeat DEF CON BROWN. Redandwhitedust of the SMB has figured out our massively complicated, over-elaborate and completely unfeasible plan to grift a few more pounds for the Saudi PIF. Mission abort, mission abort".

Even in their fantasy land it involves us struggling instead of them being good

Praising the high land and property values in Newcastle? Mag behaviour, that.

His market value on transfermarkt is €75m right? So we send Ritchie, Dummett, Hayden and Fraser that way and we get the fee down to €74m.

Who could we possibly send to Bayern Munich? ”yeh Mätt Reichhie, he’s class…£50m off?”

Tidied.

FYP

Probably stuck them sausage fingers up there in an effort to remove a gerbil and caused significant trauma to the owld back passage.

Could he be wrong?

“ The Crown accepts the defendant is innocent on the grounds of Jaffa and Batty , however, there is a compensatory claim for damages outstanding. The driver of the minicab, a Mr. Chris. Mastree, has submitted a list of cleaning charges following the incident in question; Cleaning of batter ( fanny)- £50 Disposal of 40kg of empty pizza boxes ( duck flavour)- £50 Disposal of 14 (pairs) of soiled, XXXL Asda Menswear y-fronts. - £50 Disposal of 1 condom ( XXS) - £50 Loss of earnings and mental suffering - £5080. Mr. Mastree has offered to waive the financial penalties if defendant carries out 100hrs of unpaid service at North East Solo Metectors Club. What say you Mr. Gemmil?” ” Cash or cheque?”

Yorkshire’s not a race.

"Den why doesn't she fuckin' commentate on fuckin' legal proceedings den, la? Coz she's never played a game of mens footy in her life, mate. She's only played for the England bairds*, and dat doesn't even count coz dey've never even won any'in of merit, la. Other than making a bairds* World Cup final, and winning the bairds* Euros. Plus, lad, plus she looks like Fred West, mate. Despite being both a different gender, and a different race, la. Fuckin' tell 'er I said dat as well, mate. Tell her to stop bein' a fanny and get out 'er 'ouse and do some solicitor shit, and leave the footy to the blokes who played at the top level. One full cap for England me, mate plus time in the nick for batterin' a kid. Can she even do a French accent, la? I can." *Birds in a scouse accent - fuck off.

That letter is irrelevant in a way, fake or not, we know they meet up. They're obviously getting their needs and wants out and agreeing what to demand before the actual PL clubs get together.

No, he probably will have to enter in a small noat and knowing our luck will end up first on a barge then in and then Rwanda.

As most of you know, we are kept running by time put in by myself and the other mods & admins and the money generated by the TT Patreon. Since we started the Patreon we peaked in donations and members very early on, since then the numbers of both have dwindled consistently. This is fine, costs are going up and people have less money to spend. However, the cost of running the place is also going up. We do have a problem however, we have had no new signups to the Patreon in months, only once since we peaked at the start has the number gone up from one month to the next. Eventually, this leads to the death of the place. We need you all to chill the fuck out on dogpiling new members the second they make their first post. Give people a chance to become members here. While I don't expect poor Zaro would have signed up for the Patreon, this thread was an absolute piss take. The poor bloke showed up with an innocent question, perhaps a little poorly phrased because english isn't his first language because, as he said, he is Bulgarian. Within two posts he was asked how he wipes and called a cunt. If you don't want to interact with stuff like this, just leave it. So, please; Calm down on attacking new sign ups Leave the Quiff investigations to the mods team, we always know it's him way before he fully outs himself, we just wait for him to do it since he can't help himself. Sign up for the Toontastic Patreon TODAY! https://www.patreon.com/ToontasticNet

Speaking of which, Mrs. F. has a mole on one of hers… … and there’s a photo of Mars’ moon Phobos passing over a Martian volcano.

I see their knowledge of Saudi business practice rivals that of Saudi geo-politics

It appears you share, with Princess Kate/Catherine/Sugartits, the common affliction of sand in the vag.

The amount of time, money and energy that's being expended on this policy is disgusting. Country is dropping to fucking bits and it's ALL these pricks will talk about.

It's been CLOSED DOWN by the Magedia. Tells you everything you need to know. FTM.

They all got excited about some legal action being brought against Al-Rumayyan (unrelated to NUFC) after it was reported in The Athletic. And in the space of a couple of hours got themselves wound up because no one else is making anything of it.

'I wouldn't know anything about that, sir.'

Then a week later you awaken in a crack den, stinking of piss and shit, your phone and wallet missing, a burning sensation in and around your member. You wander home and your missus asks where you've been and all you can come up with is:

Or 6

She probably is. There’s organised trolling online and actual stalking and all sorts takes place for any females with an online presence who get criticised by cunts like Barton. The police are about as much use as a chocolate teapot as well

I guess they did just sign Eric Dier. Maybe they’d take Manquillo off our hands

We dont have another game for 11 days, and he wont exactly be flying in the cheap seats. Some time off will be good for his mentality.

That was prison, not the civil service.

Wolves Mags are the worst, marra.

I was brought up on a council estate in Leeds. Far from what this kids upbringing was. Despite him being a dipper I get along well with this lad at work. I just want to help the lad.

Sounds like exactly the sort of bloke I wouldn't be having a deep and meaningful with Wyki!

So, they’ve bought the club at a cost of £300m, spent another £1b in court in order to get the sale through and so far spent about £400m on players and injected £100m or so into it via the share buying cash injections, the next step of this master plan is to then buy not only new land to build a new stadium on, but also buy the land SJP currently sits on. They will then lease the land they own, to the club they own (for a reason I guess). Then they will neglect to invest in players as they cite needing to pay the stadium off (so I assume the stadium build debt is burdening the club at this point). The final step of this grand plan is to then sell the club that has at this point cost you £1.3b plus the land you built the new stadium on (I’ll ignore the losses they’re covering for buying players and injecting cash into the club), at a profit while the club is heavily burdened with the debt of the stadium you’ve made it build and has by this point a presumably shit squad due to neglect? What is the ultimate point of this theoretical plan and why the fuck would the poster assume there’s any chance whatsoever it’s accurate? Why don’t they just watch football? I’ve never once just sat about dreaming up scenarios of what the mackem owners are doing with the club .

Fyp

Aye, in the scenario laid out above we'd basically be back to having regular derbies, but in league one and the johnstone paint trophy or whatever it's called

If you want to be taking drugs and humping birds, you've got to not have kids AMIRITE GUYS? GUYS?

Surely that would involve planning so.... I don't know?

It’s fucking mad they spend most the time acting like they’re this morally superior fan base, then when a bloke is a victim of armed robbery they’re all celebrating, the same bloke they all made up rumours about that he got a 16 year old lass pregnant and spent the last few weeks abusing for being a nonce while they also defend actual nonce Adam Johnson. What a bunch of specimens.

There aren't really consequences for the cunts making people's life a misery online though, especially if they are 'famous' cunts like Barton. Even if he gets a ban on Twitter (Which 'famous' cunt Musk won't do) he'll just fuck off and spew his bile on Trumps fucking truther app and still get spots on sucker offer of 'famous' cunts podcasts like James English etc. The consequence for people like Barton is that he's basically spelling the end of his involvement in football - he'll never get another manager job or be a pundit - but he's already made a fortune out of the game so probably doesn't care. Now he'll become the next alt-right beacon of hope and selective truth/outright lies and grift a few more bob out of the incels that buy into it until he's outed as yet another horrific raper like his boys Brand and Tate.

Beat me to it. Bastard.

We don't play again until the 27th, a break will do all of the team good.

Some Bild bloke is reporting we've gone in for Kimmich. Thats the kind of daft shit I want to hear, not all this FFP 'we cant afford loans' crap

Alex Two Times.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-stoke-staffordshire-67994919 Lass from Wolverhampton wakes up with a Geordie accent. Someone needs to get her to safety, quick, before the Ready to Groom mob claim her as MLF.

Well… funny you should mention that

You talk about this workmate quite a lot man, like youre on some sort of poverty safari. Guitly by association if you ask me.

The thing about poor behaviour like this, as a parent, is that your kids remember every little detail, even if they’re too young to know what’s going on. Once they’re older they work it out and then the real problems start. I avoided any chance of that by getting my two absolutely skullfucked on scag when they were little, so they don’t remember me and the Mrs. crawling round the bathroom looking for the giant blue spiders.