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Never mind getting a ticket, I could be getting a game at this rate

I like a lot of the Eurythmics stuff but when I discovered Dave Stewart was a mackem I said to myself, 'I dinnot care that you and Annie are pleasing on me ear, ahve not listened to car salesmens bullshit to put up with Yee so dinnot tell me about any thorns in ya side, am not fucking interested now, marra.'

This tweet sums up why the country is in limbo right now.

To be fair to them, the Mackems know a thing or two about goall scoring defenders as we saw the other week

I get through all 24hrs of every day without caring which famous person claims to support Newcastle United. If possible I care even less about which famous people claim to support Sunderland. My support for Newcastle is not really dependent on the whims of a minstrel who enjoys shagging at the pace of a geriatric sloth.

Paddy moves to England and starts frequenting his new local every Friday where he always buys three pints and when taking a drink takes turns with them. The barman asked him why he didn't just buy a pint at a time? Paddy tells him "Back home me and my two brothers would have few hours in our local every Friday without fail. When I drink they way I do it's like they're here with me." So this is what happens all year until one night he comes in and only orders two. The barman looks at another regular and they fear the worst. The barman goes over to paddy and gently says, "Paddy, I'm guessing you must've lost one of your brothers, I don't want to interfere with your grief but I'll just say I'm sorry for your loss." Paddy looks up puzzled and says "What? My brothers are perfectly fine." The barman then asks why he's only got two pints tonight? Paddy smiles and says, "I've only got two pints because I'm doing dry January and I know they won't do it."

My favourite is how they are adamant that Sting used to support them then changed allegiance to us. I don’t think I’ve ever seen any actual evidence to back that up but, even if it’s true, how the fuck does that reflect well on them?

Let's also not forget the time he tried to play politician as a tory and came last - in an election that included the BNP

He went to my schools in Gosforth, which I'd say is fairly Geordie, albeit soft-as-clarts Geordie. Granted, this will have been before the local government reform act so it'll still have been in Northumberland at the time, but acting like it's not always been a Newcastle suburb is bizarre like.

The pressure is now on all on the rest of you to give him a good nickname. Last, most recent one I recall being created was for a lad who got caught pinching someone's bait, (roast chicken) from the fridge at work. His new nickname became 'KF-Lee'.

😂

Just looked it up and he is the producer of a feature length documentary called "We are the Geordies" starring no less than Scud. Now, this has an IMDb rating of 8.9 which puts in the top 10 greatest films of all time, just ahead of "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly". I think it's therefore fair to say he is in fact a world class film producer, wouldn't you agree?

Nonce?

"Steve - You've tried your hand at everything. Bouncer, Public Relations, journalist, podcaster, author, actor, politician, YouTuber, west end gangster fluffer, protester. Is there anything you can do?"

Yes but you know CT, never one to let things get him too down.

Aye so basically anyone that’s famous that supports Newcastle is actually pretending seems to be their thing. Of course they at some point supported Sunderland, but changed for monetary reasons despite the mackems claiming the Sunderland fanbase are bigger, more respected by the rest of the UK and the world, it’s the logical move to try and make a cash grab by playing to a fan base they claim is smaller, fickle, and hated by everyone . Honestly man can they at least try to make some type of logical sense?

Has Callum been fucking ALL the wives?

Just let me have my joke man for fuck sake

Got a PM, in confidence, from Wykiki, telling me his name is Richard Bottomgape. I'm scoobied about how we can use that?

Yeah. Gosforth is County Northumberland marra so not NUFC. So is Wallsend come to that. Gateshead though is County Durham so is SAFC marra.

Yeah, I agree. Hoy his name up Wykiki, and any other details that might help (like his e-mail address) and the toontastic crew will see what they can up with for you. 👍

Such odd people. Random thread pops up about Mark Knoppfler, don't know why. Third post down: There follows a long thread bashing Newcastle, death threats to Sam Fender, and talk of "music washing".* * In fairness, not all of them, but a sizable amount so fuck them. Edit: Apologies, I can see this was a historical thread. It was bumped because his new album references the Tyne apparently. Fewmin.

The whole design team have had an email this morning apologising for 'a friend sent a joke email link, which I forgot to shut down' Aye mate, of course.

I remember him scoring a pretty inconsequential goal (for us) against Cardiff that pretty much sent them down and he ran the entire length of the pitch to celebrate What a fuckwit

He’ll be finished if he stays or one of the best right backs in history if he moves to Bayern Munich 👍🏻

Also

Tbh the lass I've seen twice so far has been fine. So far. Got an interview tomorrow but it's a bit far as much as I'd like the job. Interviewed for the same job but closer to home at the end of November just before I finished work but missed out so want the job but realise it's a bit of a hike, (not saying I'm going to get offered it. They did ring me up about it TBF asking if I fancied it?) I also went to a well known local company for a job interview on Monday, on arrival was told my interview had been changed and due to people starting a job then walking out I'd be shown around first, then interviewed if I was happy to go ahead with it? My brain on hearing this.... .... Anyway, lad shows me part of a process/manufacturing plant, explaining parts of the process, I ask him a couple of questions, nothing brilliant about it but nothing screaming out shit either until he says, "....... Anyway, I'll show you what you'll be doing....." before taking me elsewhere to basically a job packing in a line and telling me that's it when I ask if that's all I'd do? I just looked at the miserable cunts standing there and it reminded me of some of the agency packing jobs at my old place which we'd have to do once in a blue moon if there was no graft on in our department and we all loathed doing. Once I clarified that's the only thing I'd be doing I told him it was a nein, danke from me. By the time I'd got home I had an email from the company informing me they'd withdrawn their job offer which made me laugh I'll admit.

He’s good at playing lollipop men. Specifically ones that guide the recently deceased over the metaphorical road into the afterlife. But then run into trouble with HR for being resistant to new ways of working

Show some respect to the "best coach in the Premier League". His famous victory against West Ham will live long in the memory and his Liinkedin page.

"I've just had a bath, a drink and moved house - thanks Storm Jocelyn"

If I never hear Local fucking Hero ever again it’ll be once too many. Having got that out the way, claiming Gosforth isn’t Geordie is Olympic Gold level mental gymnastics.

Nope Do I look like Monkey Fist ffs? I think I was about 12 when I bought it and cream can get to fuck as well, so it's not that shite. As others have said, putting Screamadelica is just courting controversy.

I checked with the medical examiner. He told me "girl, you know it's true".

And don’t forget the poppadoms.

It’s Leek and Potato day at the soup kitchen, the Library is shut for “ Yoga When You Have a Tail” classes, and it’s too cold to go for a shit in town, so …

Must admit Im so chilled about whats going on right now. For me, the seasons over with and they are simply being very shwred and looking at the longer term plan. (And at least we know these people do plan). Our financial circumstances dictate that to achieve our ambitions we have to squeeze money from every source so thanks for your service but bye to the majority of them. Fill the under 21's up with the next wave and lets get some younger first team talent in for next season along with a couple of jewels who can hurt the opposition.

Magyar behaviour that, marrow.

Call him Voyager 2. So far, the only probe to visit Uranus.

@Howmanheyman

What was the name of that ship that got stuck in the canal?

I mean he went to school in Newcastle and considers himself a Geordie iirc. Is a fan of NUFC. Brought up / schooled in the area so what’s the fucking problem? It winds them up for some reason yet at the same time they’re so irrelevant they try claim anything with a tenuous link* to Sunderland, Co. Durham as belonging to them. *or completely fictitious link like the Bilbao thing

First they came for the earwax removal services, and I did nothing because I have a big fuck-off syringe. Then they came for the smeg removal services…

How do we know he’s actually dead and not just miming?

I would’ve gone with Basque/Wear as opposed to Wear Basque Football Tournament like