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Today I was eating at home with my father. We watched the first half of the game together in the living room (where I have a TV with the station to watch football) and, at half-time, we went to eat in the kitchen. I took a little longer than the 15 minute break, so when I returned to the room, we were already losing 1-3. My father, meanwhile, has been left washing the dirty dishes. Good. Well, around the 70th minute, more or less, he went to see how the game was going. He has seen that 1-3 and has gotten a little lost... But no. He came back every 2-3 minutes to see how we were doing and every time he came we scored. In the end, he has left the kitchen half-cleaned and has come to watch the final minutes, just to check Barnes' last arrow. Yes friends. My father is already a Newcastle fan.

Some highlights.

AHEM!!

Just got back from the match. First game of the season and first game ever for my lad. We did Shearers Hospitality for his Birthday. David Kelly did a chat during the grub. He hates West Ham. what a game! We were completely flat (as was the atmosphere) until we got it back to 2-3. Hall was class (even when they put Kudus up against him). Anderson and Barnes also class when they came on. I’d seriously start them next game. Murphy was also superb at right back. We play like an a Ossie Ardiles team. The midfield leave the slow defence wide open. We need someone to get their foot on the ball in the midfield along with Bruno. Shoutout to Moyes as well for deciding to defend the 3-1 lead when they could have ran riot and finished us off. Taking Antonio off and also putting Phillips on were magical decisions.

Me thinking about Moyes bringing on Kalvin Phillips whilst leading 3-1 to break his curse.

Fuckinnnnn yesssssss

The only thing that could top that for entertainment is reading the match thread on RTG

Every non-cockney in the stadium to get season ending injuries. VAR to suddenly achieve AGI and vaporise all biological officials. New version of Local Hero features The Brown Note Steve Bruce barbecues his feet for Jesus. Fuck this season. This fucking club man. FFS

flipping heck was listening on my way back from tesco earlier, wet spam were 3-1 to the good. could hear the ole's from the hammers crowd on the radio and assumed that was that. just checked back and wow, probably won't click in to find out more as i can be lazy like that but nice one fella's

I am in Paris at the moment. Turned notifications off at half time. Reading the last 8 pages has been brilliant.

Never in doubt

They turned up second half anyway! I had a ticket in the standing section which was class

@wykikitoon Youth in the team photo.

Spent the day walking with my family so missed it. Just catching up with what sounds like a mad game. Would have been amazing to be in that atmosphere for the comeback. My West Ham mate was there and said they had no answer when the crowd got whiff of a come back in the second half. Sounds like we continue to play far too open. Makes it entertaining when you win but we will lose a few more playing this way this season. Lots of mitigation again, the injury merry-go-round shows no sign of abating. We’ve got almost our entire first team out injured. Some proper bedwetter replies when we went 3-1 down on here mind. Embarrassing craic. I won’t embarrass anyone further by naming names as you know who you are

Now heading into London to spend the rest of the weekend with my lass - straight through West Ham territory - hope the shit-eating grin doesn't give me away...

Can't fucking believe it. First time I've turned off early this season, went out on the bike on the 65th minute and only stopped now to see how bad it ended! I'm going to have to watch the replay for the scenes.

This game, more than any other, shows that we have to stick with Howe. Even at 3-1 down we didn't give up, some shite finishes aye but attitude says everything and they clearly love him and playing for us.

I never doubted.

Better be quick!

All part of the model marra. Have you fucked off back to Pennywell?

Barnes obviously deserves a ton of credit, but I thought Hall and Anderson were both really good after coming on as well. Gordon man of the match imo, he was a constant bright point when he got on the ball. Stupid sending off but the ref was a right hopeless cunt throughout he barely booked anyone but managed to book Gordon twice ffs. West Ham have some excellent players but they can’t seem to put it all together, Paqueta loves a dive mind . Schar is a real liability defensively mind, and Dubravka can’t make a save which is becoming really frustrating.

A statement from Eddie Howe:

Can you imagine the quality of your easter hinging on the outcome of a game not involving the team you support, in fact not even in the same league. It's bizarre, it's hilarious but we know it's true.

Fair play to Almiron for going off injured and forcing Eddie's hand btw

Ref absolutely arsehole mind

Oh I didn’t go out. Too much of a sucker. 😅

You two should put your heads together and make a hut

I love to see a couple of Brazilians rubbing up against each other..

And now Bruno getting into it. Like two autistic kids on a bouncy castle

Id argue Pope has been our biggest miss. The fall in quality has been massive. I'd make decent backup keeper one of the priorities for the summer based on this season.

Thread.

A warning to all - be careful about drink driving as the police are out checking on people. Last night I was out for a few drinks and one thing led to another and I had a few too many, not a good idea & knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave the car at the pub and took a bus home, I passed the police check point, where they were pulling over drivers and performing breath tests, because I was on a bus they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and no accidents, which was a real surprise because I have never driven a bus before…

Steve Marshall Barnes at it again.

Alright, @craigc?

Well, someone didn’t read the kick off time, did they?

A woman answers her phone and hears a deep voice with fast , heavy breathing say, " Have you got a fat ass?" The woman answers, "Hang on … @Christmas Tree , it’s for you pet"

Since it’s Easter, I’m going with a scrappy 5-0 to us. 3 from Tonali, 2 from Adult Botman, and one each for Burn.