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Listen, I don't think anyone should jump to any conclusions. It's impossible to know for certain why she put the bet on and whether her actual fucking husband tipped her off. It would be inappropriate to comment while an investigation is ongoing.

Just seen something saying Gareth Southgate would put his phone on low battery mode at 99%.

So you've got the goals, but can you dribble much?

Ok, so you made 21 goal contributions, two more in the cup plus got us a few penalties.....? LTA:

By lawyers he means some of the kitchen staff that take pity on the homeless and give them some of the leftover scran.

CCHQ is refusing to comment on whether their statement that the gambling commission has approached them about "a number of individuals" means that there's more than just the ones we currently know about. I would caution you all against politicising this or jumping to any conclusions whilst the investigation is ongoing. It wouldn't be right

Screen grab of tweet from the conservatives hastily deleted.

No one’s going to buy it anyway- the first 300 pages are given over to dedications to his kids.

It’s because he “doesn’t have a natural replacement for Kalvin Phillips” -direct quote. Tells you exactly where he’s at as a manager. Appalling.

Real, poor Kunt. In a surprising twist, she has announced her engagement to recently divorced, pizza-face DJ Simon Mayo. “ I’m so pleased I won’t have to hear any more jokes about my name”

Just like that one against France in the WC - a keeper with normal arms would've saved it.

It's back on!! Gerrin!!

Also, coincidentally, their transfer kitty.

…with a St George’s flag draped around you like a English SuperHero. ”Stop the Boats” plastered down the centre would also add a touch of class.

In fact, you know what, fuck it. I'm gonna give you all the ultimate gift. The Benevolent Predictor speaks: I predict that Scotland will qualify from their group.

I’m afraid I haven’t got a prime spot at the pool this afternoon. I spent the morning out on a beach buggy tour with the wife and a smoking hot blonde Slovenian mother and daughter combo. Of course we were caked in muck come our final stop at the beach where I took a dip in the water to wash off. Not so the blonde mother who had brought a change of clothes and was happy to strip down to her underwear right beside me. Sadly the daughter didn’t follow suit but I’m in desperate need of an external hard drive to expand my wank bank.

Given the early kick-off, shit performance, obvious intake of teatime pints on your behalf, is it too much to ask that you actually get one of these “ American hotties” on a pervsnap? Disable the shutter sound, pretend you’re trying to take a panorama if Mrs.ewerk is hovering, whatever. I’m beginning to suspect that you’re actually at a swingers resort and it’s over-40s week.

‘England bucket hats have been removed. I repeat. England bucket hats have been removed.’ This is what you’ve done to the country, Gareth.

You just wait until they sell their best players! all that dough they could buy 2, maybe 3 top class chocolate bars. I'm not talking about the cheap shit either. I'm talking Lindt, Tony's or Montezuma!

I blame the established top clubs creating this protectionist bullshit in the first place.

Ravel Morrison

If you’re not even going to support my boy Gareth when we need the whole country behind us then you are OFFICIALLY BANNED from criticising him.

Why did you have to say current? How many partners do you have your dorty dorty bast'd.

Been bugging me all morning, but it finally hit me what this reminds me of:

They’ve even managed to spell ‘unsheathed’ wrong.

Dustin Hoffman, method actor, stayed up for 48hrs for a scene where he was meant to have been awake for… 48hrs Apparently Olivier’s response was “ Dear boy, just try acting” Anyway, this is like having a root canal.

I would like to say how ordinary you lot look and that I am delighted. But then you lot would probably come back looking like Brazil 1970and win the tournament. Therefore I have to say how sad I am that you are looking so ordinary. I really, really hope you will improve in the second half

Solid performance for England. A draw here and a draw v Slovenia will see us through. Gareth knows how to play tournament football.

Southgate ✅

The grift just doesn't stop.

They don't have that much man, don't give the poor fuckers hope.

and the accountants. mainly gemmill and dazzler tbh

I wonder if he's talking about the Victorian late 19th century when he talks about 'one of the most prestigious jobs in English football '? (But that sound you can hear is one big motherfucking penny dropping).

And just like that 13.5m dogs just started barking.

See also the above. They're having an absolute worldy of a nightmare campaign.

Lads, have a look at this absolutely belta tweet I've just put up. Fuck sake Tony man, I had 10 likes on that you fucking dick.

of course we should keep him, but we might not be able to because of this ffp bollocks, if selling means we can finances deals for ollise and the other players we have targeted. the sooner these rules are scrapped, the better. it's ridiculous our owners are being told they can't afford to buy and sell who they want

Not salty Rice decided his nanna could go fuck herself at all is he? Poor wee James "Ooh aah up the RA" McClean

Pure profit for someone untested in the Premier League. I'd sell him to Dortmund for £30m+ with a reasonable buy-back clause?

It's gonna make this all the worse when you get humped by Hungary. I would like Scotland to qualify. *a pat on the head for all the plastic Jocks on TT. Very benevolent of me. I'm such a nice guy.*

High Heaton’s like a shite version of Eastbourne. With a disproportionate amount of smug golf bores, who’ve reaped the benefits of being both mortgage free and retired on a generous public sector pension for at least a couple of decades. And that’s just the women

Fabricant and Truss predicted to win theirs though. Which is even better. If the Tories have about 60 MPs and those are two of the high profile ones