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He’s bringing in his right hand man, Nigel Burner. Bunce N Burner have great chemistry.

i don't mind the odd chemistry pun. not too often, but periodically

A years supply of Rich Energy for the lads if they win, a lifetimes supply if they lose.

Starting a match thread for another team? Mackem like behaviour.

What we see: What CT sees:

Tbf, there are only bad chemistry jokes. The good ones argon

Dougle, you know I'm not LTA, so no use carrying on like the mackem sister knicker sniffer you are. Good luck with Monique.

Albert's either shuttled off this mortal coil or been sacked from his marketing/social media role.

C’mon the glittery cow stabbing bastards

You can get humane traps for them. Get one of them, catch it, and drive it to the edge of town First Blood style and tell it to keep walking or the next trap won't be quite so humane.

"Hello, this is the operator speaking, I'm just putting your joke back through to 1982. Thank you for calling."

I dunno, the photos from training today don’t look good.

https://www.newcastleunited.com/en/news/newcastle-united-announces-agreement-to-change-its-ownership-structure Full article there. Mad quote from the chairman Yasir Al-Rummayan: "This CLUB is automatic. It's systematic. It's HYYYYDROMATIC. Why it's GREASED LIGHTNIN'!"

I'll be visiting Poland next month. Going to make sure I go to bed early when I'm there. So I can get up at the Krakow dawn.

These are all shit. I am going to have to keep my ion the lot of you.

10 second rounds mate- 5 seconds to dad grunt off the stool, 5 seconds to waddle in to the middle, clink glasses, sit back down- pint.

Just vial, just fucking vial!

In Southgate we trust!* *speaking as an Irishman

There’s a crossbow going cheap in Enfield if you fancy it.

Hopefully. Supposed to be Keswick start of next week. I feel utterly exhausted though.

Christ!! One little chemistry joke should not generate such an acidic reaction, cunts !

You couldn't walk your dog without breaking your collarbone. You absolutely do not need a firearm. This has got "local man loses sight in one eye" written all over it.

Most likely the backpacker making it.

Eddie looking like Darth Vader's personal trainer at the training ground today. All joking aside the training gear is pretty sleek.

"What kind of phone you got, mate? Got any games on it?"

Alright! I will admit it since no one else is prepared to. I predicted that Sammy would be met with warm applause and universal adulation for his early prediction that a teenage prospect signed for peanuts wouldn't make it. I'm ashamed of the lot of you, honestly. Expected more. I guess those pesky "in the knows" already knew that a person frantically patting themselves on the back has all the congratulations they deserve.

Great signing.

Ah shite I had a couple more but they've skipped me mind, were right at the tip of my tungsten.

I could pretend it was a typo. In fact, that's exactly what I'm going to do. It was a typo alex, so I'm going to need to get all of the way up off my fucking back.

"How very dare you Alexander. It's Seaton Sluice, near the Delavals, don't you know?"

"Get that down you. Glens - £3 from the premier round the corner"

Such a base-level pun.

Would you like a fight?

Why aren’t you supporting Scotla… … oooh, awkward.

Au that was

There won't be any Americans left after Trump 2.0. The country will change it's name to Trumptopia. Everyone will have an orange hue (because of the radiation poisoning), and will all shag their daughters (although the southern states do this already). You can't even bring fruit into the country over there, no way are Aussies letting in irradiated humans.

Instead of tidying your garden, why not toss waste into a neighbours? Then it's their problem.

Fam innit blud?