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Ah waz in sunalin general as our lass had just dropped another bairn, (she said it was definitely mine, like), anyways, the head nuss pulls me over to one side and sez, 'eea, marra, ah dinna knaaz how to tell ya but thuz beyn a mix up of the babies. The three here got mixed up, there's a black asylum seykaz bairn, a Mags bairn and a MLF's bairn.' Ah just took the darkey bairn and when the nuss looked at iz ah sez, 'Ah canna tak a chance, marra'. The rest of the ward had gathered by now and all applauded my logic to a man. FTM.

Incidentally I've just watched match cam and you can plainly see Mitchell point across at Howe and then slowly draw his finger across his throat.

“Aah member this one time I was at the hospital coz ower lass was having a babbey an this mag was a bed ower with his tewn top on feydin his newborn (alsoah in eeyz bar code onesey) Anyways, aah hockled in his fayace and said tak that yi jawdey cunt. Never said a word. His dad chinned ez tho.”

"This next one is dedicated to two good friends and colleagues of mine going through a difficult patch at the minute..... 🎵 How can we be lovers, if we can't be friends? How can we start over when the fighting never ends? Baby, how can we make love, if we can't make amends? How can we be lovers, if we can't be, can't be friends? 🎶

a rousing rendition of mr brightside on the karaoke machine at the stack a week on saturday should put things right.

This is it, the silly escalation. "That's nowt. A was walkin down Rurker beaych and a sees 10 thousandz of the curnts all wearin gravey stayained sawdi tops, including the dogs. So ah windmilled the lot of the scruffy curnts, arms, legs and heads flyin everywhere. Well, ahh looked at one of them anyways, and he didn't say nowt back. FTM".

To be fair to Mitchell, I've seen several journalists who were in the room with him comment that they perceived Mitchell's intention to be aimed at clearing the air and looking forward. His actual words -- on the other hand -- were combative in denigrating past work combined with an apparent attempt made to distance himself from the calamity of a transfer window. Deemed by sensible people to be a "fuck up". I think there is some truth in both perspectives, which I think is Gemmers point (even if I do think he's being overly sympathetic to Mitchell). Mitchell is correct that the overall transfer strategy is not sustainable. For example, talking in general terms, we cannot rely on selling 65m worth of players on deadline and agreeing to bring in (or "fork out" for) a 20m make-weight to balance books. It is clear that the strategy leading to this situation is not sustainable as it produced a very volatile situation that we could have easily found ourselves not getting out of. On the other side of the coin, I have a suspicion that Mitchell has engaged in a little bit of personal ass-covering that wasn't necessary or perhaps even intended by him until it came to the moment. It's a personal opinion, but the situation seems to indicate that he could've clarified his position (either during the interview or afterwards) to avoid being interpreted in the way he has been by most. And he hasnt done that. I think there's no denying that the situation has not been managed effectively by any of Howe, Mitchell or Eales. But it's a learning process. Off the field is the same as on it, so long as they're trying their best, then mistakes are forgiven.

The @thebrokendoll right now.....

New cafe just opened in Brighton. I’ll be arranging meetings here from now on.

There aah was crawling out of the plane wreckage in a feeld in Pennsylvania around September 2001, ahm not sheweh of the day but it might have beyn the 11th. Anyways, there was this Saudi fella on the plane in his mag shirt, coz tha gay bashers have fancied the scum for over 20 years. Eez giving it big licks with a screwdriver tacking shots at the cockpit door and that when aah gets up, walk cleyn over tiv em and hewk em cleyn on the jaw. Aah’ll tell ya what eez alla wasn’t hew Akbar that day. Anyways, to cut a long storey longer, the pilot gets on the tannoy and blasts a belta rendition of he shags wee he wants, oh Adam Johnson ee shags wee he wants. Accidentally knocks the autopilot off and nosedives us into a feeld. Everyone else was too busey patting iz on the back and saying nice things about Quinney and Peeteh Reeyd coz wa massive in middle America. Obviously, aah was the only survivor and aah dinnit like talking about it because as a fan of massive lads am peweh humble.

Good start in the Champions league for Aston Villa 2-0 away to that team the former BBC news reader likes.

You might well be right. But what Mitchell said would in my book entitle Howe to ask him “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU MEAN BY THAT YA CUNT?!” . If you can’t see that you’ve probably been out of the workplace too long grandad

Gemmill is right, the policy needs changing. However, there’s no fuckin way that Mitchell should’ve put that point in the terms that he did in public to some of the biggest journalistic cunts in the uk (Craig Hope was apparently there too) If someone needs to talk on behalf of the club in future it should be Eales, not some mealy mouthed manc bruiser who may have a firm grasp of the absolute waste of fuckin time that is Xg but is about as subtle as Gemmill loitering near a taxi rank at 10pm on a city centre Saturday night with his Focus sat poised in an adjacent car park. If Gemmill can’t understand this, as usual he’s not as fuckin clever as he thinks he is. As posters may have noticed, I now no longer desire his recently rediscovered Smiths records

FYP

Howe retaliate by making a V around his mouth and wagging his tongue up and down - the universal signal for fanny licking. But it devolved into farce cos Mitchell thinks he means him and is mouthing back "I DON'T HAVE A FANNY" and Howe is mouthing "NOT YOU! YOUR WIFE! IT'S YOUR WIFE'S FANNY I'M GONNA.." and then he does the fanny licking sign again. They just need to get in a room and sort it out.

Nailed it. Mitchell deflected from a disappointing window under his watch. A more mature response would have been to admit that it had been a frustrating window but that we were not going to make signings for the sake of it. Effectively what Howe himself said. Or he could have noted that we would have more of a focus on bringing in and nurturing young talent. To have criticised previous signings really hits a sour note when we've honestly had a fantastic success rate with signings since Howe's arrival before Mitchell. Trippier, Burn, Guimaraes, Pope, Isak, Tonali, Gordon, Barnes, Botman, Livramento, Hall, Wood, Minteh, Ashby, Kuol, Targett, Karius Overall that's a phenomenal hit rate. Targett has been disappointing due his injuries, though in his first season here he was an integral member of the side that helped us escape what seemed like an inevitable relegation. Wood we overpaid for, but it was a necessary signing to inject something different into our side. Plus we also managed to sell him for a good price. Ashby hasn't kicked on, but he was a young player with promise. Kuol has done nothing to suggest he will develop into a quality player. We got stitched up by AC Milan with Tonali, but now that he's served his time he's shaping to be a great player for us and he's only 24.

I love the escalation as they all have to one up each other. "I was a snobbish cunt on a shit beaych holiday in Wales, marra." "Woh yeh? Well aah was a bellend to a mag in Ponteyland Airport." "That's nowt, marra. Aah shouted obscenities at a toddler in a full barcode kit in Marmaris." "Buckle up lads, aah've got yeeyz aah'll beyt. Aah uppercutted Feylix Baumgartner when he landed after his stratosphere base jump because aah read summit on 4chan about him liking Sheyrer as a kid. Not that aah have a problem with big Al marra, eez one of the good ones."

Their neverending tales of bumping into mags everywhere and anywhere in the world where the MLFs present are all fine, respectable pillars of society but the mags are brash, big mouthed scruffs all wearing football tops who are usually publicly humiliated by the debonair descendants of founders of global football clubs always tickles me. Keep it going, marras, lovely to see.

it's inconceivable that had this really happened that the young mackem kiddie in the sunderland training top wouldn't have leapt up like a ninja, and laid waste to the two pitbulls with some nifty SAS like self defence moves. I don't believe a word of it.

seven mackems on holiday and instead of one of them singlehandedly windmilling the living fuck out of the entire barcode family they all move to a different part of the beach? something not quite right here....

- The previous management did a great job overall as far as individual signings are concerned - We just haven't been able to keep pace on outgoings or grow commercial revenue to match thus far - We know they had their hands tied in many respects and had to deal with Ashley's years of neglect - After 3 years, if you're selling your star young players last minute and offering your best players to direct rivals then something definitely is wrong ffs. We've all said as much. - While there might be valid excuses for that we still need to learn and adapt in the twisted world of PSR. This is Mitchell's remit While I agree maybe Mitchell could have handled this more finesse, my view on this has always been Howe needs to put his big boy pants on. He can't be personally offended by those comments, if that really is what's happened. And aye, Eales should be sitting everyone down and sorting it out the useless tit.

It’s fit for purpose if the purpose is to start every season on -9 points. My boxing strategy is to take a step back at the start of each round and fucking whack myself in the face as hard as possible and then wonder why I’ve never won a fight.

If the water is very cold anti freeze

The good stuff. 1961 me, My kids ok boomer me all the time. The cunts

It’s Tough Guy Mick! I wonder if he’s related to the Mackem Micks, Uncal, Little, and Basic?

Scouse version of Mackemory.

Pliant?

Last one contains far too much detail to be on RTG

no disrespect mate but I'd rather gouge me eyeballs out with a rusty spoon than spend any of my time studying the transfer dealings of those murdering bindipping cunts.

The path to "most unexpected turnaround in poster belovedness since CT" is a rocky one, but it might yet happen

Well I'll be driving an electric car soon, when I was a teenager in the eighties watching Alexei Sayle I had a burning ambition to drive a Czechoslovakian car from behind the iron curtain and be the envy of my classmates so we're getting a Skoda enyaq.

Also journalists are predisposed to look for a story and a narrative. That they all left the room with one, which they've all run with, some to the extreme, doesn't necessarily mean it was there. Certainly not to the extent that some have spun it. Don't get me wrong. Whatever the intention, it's clearly caused a rift, and it's the job of the man above the pair of them to ensure that it's resolved quickly now.

His first paragraph sets the scene for everything that follows imo. We can't buy at peak age and peak price. You could take a lot of what follows out of context and say that it's direct criticism of Howe and his predecessors, but with the context of the first para, I'm not sure that that was the intention.

Joyant?

HMS Antares ??

Adam Ant?

Teething problems, they'll work things out, NUFC are fucking mint again. There'll be disagreements, bad windows, poor sales/incomings, whatever happens we're operating like a proper football club again and it's not just Ashley to Charnley to Pardew/McClaren/Bruce anymore.

Last season we were in the CL. That was the time to come out with the dodgy deals and try to explain everything away by saying we're a CL club now. Instead it looks like we're far to scared to even test the associated party rules and the taps of untold wealth. For example, why are our shirt deals worth nearly half of Tottenham's?

I hope all involved (Mitchell, Eales and Howe) learn from this. We haven’t been a club that has aired its dirty laundry in public since the takeover. Let’s go back to keeping the politics in house

Think I've spoken about this before - it was a pre-hillsborough - but as mentioned above no lessons were learned. Considering all the dodgy days on that road previously and without going all RTG, it was almost glorious to see them get a taste of their own medicine.

In water? Currant.

I've only just heard this and mentioned it to the lads in the office. Lad from Bedale; 'Aye because they don't have space because Starmer is locking up people who've done nowt wrong man!'

we'd complied with psr though.... before he arrived. he then spent a month attempting to overspend on a defender at peak price and age. he should shut his fucking mouth.

Playing Devil's advocate, is he not saying that the system is not fit for purpose in that we can't just spend on good players, we need to have turn over by selling as well? The problem being that we haven't been able to shift the shit left by Ashley's ridiculous long term contracts to avoid having to buy new players.

His Mrs. creeping downstairs and catching him sucking his fingers.