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Absolute emotional rollercoaster. Finished my shift and my 9:30pm return load is from a drinks factory at Kegworth. Sleep spot 5 minutes away at Donington Services. I thought I’d nip in and see if I could dump my trailer there, let them load it whilst I’m on my 9hrs, also letting me park anywhere in the services as I’d just be my wagon only, no trailer. Bloke in charge was top notch- “ No problem me Duck!” Dump the trailer, pull in to the services, get parked in a quiet spot, and think “ Mint- uninterrupted kip!” Then I hear a plane taking off next door and realise I’m 2 minutes from East Midlands Fucken Airport.… Never mind, earplugs to the rescue. Off I toddle to check out the showers- they’re huge cubicles, with a double bench, constant flow ( not having to press a button every 10 seconds), and are spotless! I think, “ Best drop my final cargo of the day!” and nip in to the bog to release the Kraken, and it’s clean, fragrant, and roomy! This is too good to be true! And it was. As I was making an arse barrier on the seat with big roll, the flush went off. “ Odd?” Went to get some more paper, flushed again… It was sensor operated. Sat down to lay cable, 10 seconds in, fucking flushed again. Neptune’s bastard Kiss. But it wasn’t just the one peck on the cheek, oh no! I lost count after the tenth icy cold barse shower, and, every time, I involuntarily clenched - my turd must’ve looked like a fucking Yorkie with the bricks and the break-offs. Now back in the Strangle Wagon, about to strangle it, then kip! Goodnight 😘

Thanks, Albert.

Fair point, but gladiator was set in 180 AD and it didn't mean that then. Anyways, it's great to have you aboard the Gordon train.

if gemmill can quietly soldier on and go about his everyday business when his foot was all but amputated, then isak should be able to manage a game of football.

Cheeky cunt.

Matty Targett can’t play because he’s got eczema so isn’t available for selection Longstaff forgot his training gear so had to do Wednesday’s session in his pants Gordon has detention today for being rude to a member of canteen staff. His pumpkin latte was cold etc etc

Isak's toe is broken and he hasn't trained all week. Big doubt for tomorrow. Matt Targett is channelling Callum Wilson by having an eczema flare-up which means he won't make the squad.

To be fair to him, he was/is a fairly moderate social democrat who was eviscerated for the way he ate a bacon sandwich and was portrayed by most of the media as being just to the left of Leon Trotsky. Being yourself is probably difficult against that backdrop and he inherited the leadership at bad time too

Truckers, pluckers and bad motherfuckers.

USA! USA! Just getting ready to clock in to my 12 hour blob shift half an hour before my regular shift has finished. Vacation? Lol. As long as I get the fourth of July and Thanksgiving off that's more than enough for me. Hey, what y'all doing up there?

Also. I think I want to get creative and turn this epic story into a children's book, ladybird style. "Monkey's fist drops off the kids" or something. Edit. Also stikes me Viz may be interested.

Says the poster in Australia 😂😂

I give him stick for his patter but that's just carrying on really. Hope he recovers.

it was messy. I was too sloshed by the fifth innings to stay and watch Gloucestershire’s trophy presentation. That’s a long day of cricket man. 11am-10pm. Fucking Baltic too - the warmth of the boozer was calling and it was an easier decision to make as the final was a forgone conclusion and I had no skin in the game. found this tiny, edgy warehouse style dnb rave in Digbeth for the late night savagery. Only a fiver to get in. You would have loved it. Older crowd, and a real throwback to the 90s. Slightly moody crowd and general lawlessness with people smoking indoors etc

Yeah…

Is this a joke take? Properly confused

It's local media, they do it or used to. (Unlike the MLFs I don't watch it these decades).

That’s him the in the comfort zone.

He’s still not going to let you get a ticket.

I’d never noticed that before

As Fish was out for his pre-elevenses constitutional this morning , he heard what he thought was an angry duck approaching him from behind, and turned around just in time to be assaulted by the stench cloud as Mary-Anne Hobbs fart-stepped her way past him, necking cabbage-flavoured Japanese Kit-Kats. Poor lad’s had his day ruined.

Hope your dad recovers, mate. Give ower the pair of you, man!

Don't start sharing the flat earth map, man. It's bad enough as it is.

Fuckin chill out ya cunts it’s Friday

Poor bloke and fuck you cancer.

Can't tell if you're asking about elon or asking him to sniff your pits.

That's awful news. Sorry about your dad too, KD.

Farcelinotastic

No they can't whinge about shithousing, not after praising arsenal last week for doing it.

Incels gonna incel

There's some big Devo and Brainiac vibes in that Snooper song, sadly minus the chaos. I'll check them out though. Decline and Fall? Aptly named. Are they finally conceding that they ran out of Richey James lyrics 20-odd years ago?

Not for this game, if anything I want us to be all scrap and absolutely shit-house our way to a 0-0. Get the pundits whining like they did last time we did it

Up for this one. The wife is visiting SJP for the first time. Albeit she's off in the players lounge* 🙄 *she's not really

This lad tells it like it is 👆

Media calling Newcastle United “United”…it’ll never catch on… 😑

Think that's naive for reasons Alex has already said. Also, he kind of did knife his brother in the back which contradicts Mr Nice guy somewhat and was quite the sliding doors moment imo.

Just happened to notice this. In my last gig, I was trying to contact one of the tech leads (he was in US) to check where he was up to with some shit he was doing for me, couldn’t find him/get hold of him, was eventually told “oh he’s in hospital”. 2 days later was holding an update meeting and the fucker dialed in, was surprised and said “I heard you were in hospital, are you OK”, Yes I’m OK says he, followed by I’ve got pneumonia. Fucking mental the yanks about work.

ah, that's different to the thing my mother-in-law had then. she had this really rare form (MF), her odds were never great. sounds like hopefully eales stands a better chance of getting through it.

Well erm yes Captain Obvious. I was bloody joking you know you Blyth Twat

that review though - boxing should be banned. classic guardian take

No doubt they'd come up with some new Newcastle specific additions just for a laugh.

He missed a trick by not convincing Forest to hoy the Anderson/Greek bloke PSR deal through the books as £250m and £235m or something ridiculous like that mind. Show PSR up for the farce it is by putting them down as the two most expensive footballers in history. Would have had my full respect.

Fish trying to decide who he'd rather have a pint with, Klopp or Eales....?