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If you think PT meetings are a pain in the arse then spare a thought for me. I was doorstepped by the Chair of the Board of Governors who asked me to join the board and for the life of me could not think of a single excuse to say no. It's a fucking four year term. No idea if there's any time off for good behaviour. At the first meeting it became very clear I was recruited because they think I'm an accountant.

"Ten minutes? I'm sorry I have alphabetised bullet points to discuss and we're barely out of the Bs. Let's move on to Bravado, a characteristic particularly close to hy heart. How would you say he's faring there?"

Fish: "Aaaaarghhhh! Aaaaarghhhh!!" Mrs Fish: "Are you alright?" Fish: Aaaaarghhhh!!..... Aaaaarghhhh!!......The pain!!!!.......Aaaaarghhhh!!!!...... I'll tell you in a minute darling, I'm just hastily deleting the scene from our poncey ring bell......Aaaaarghhhh!! ...... Aaaaarghhhh!!...... Nearly done it.......Aaaaarghhhh!! Aaaaarghhhh!!.....there you go...... Deleted....... Aaaaarghhhh!!!!"

Banned already

"My love" [weak voice, croak] "My sweet, sweet love, promise me one thing?" "Ffs, yes Dave?" [derisive sigh] "Before I pass into the unknown, arghhhh, will you do one thing for me?" "Ffs, what, I've got aerobics in half an hour" " Will you press that button on my phone for me......." Last breath, fades to black.

The fish nearly into the house after the accident, nearly, so close but couldn't quite get over the threshold before the agony finally proved too much..... "I..... I can't make it darling.....aaaarrrghhhh!!!... ..... delete the ring bell video and the money's in the biscuit tin......aaaarrrgghhhhh!! Farewell my love!"

" Aarrrghhhh! The pain, the fucking pain. Aarrrghhhh! Aarrrghhhh! Must.... Aarrrghhhh!... Must... Just one minute! Aarrrghhhh! Must now get this little funny anecdote posted on Toontastic. Aarrrghhhh!..... "

The only pie chart I like, is the one that charts the number of hairy pies I've eaten.

Speaking of pie charts… Here’s a bar graph of my progress painting the side garage door.

I think they're better for this reason actually, especially at secondary school where you have 10 subjects to navigate. You just flip from one to another. 5 minute slots though not 10 minutes, that would be ridiculous. Ours were in person this year though which was like speed dating. * * I wish, especially given how fit some of these teachers were.

Me granny (Burradon one) used to give me a spoonful of Lurpak with sugar sprinkled on top as a treat.

FYP

Fuck off, man.

The plan is to put decoy missile silos on uk farmland which exceeds the inheritance tax values. Once Mad Vlad slings a few janky owld bits of 1990s Russian missiles at them, they’ll drop in value and won’t be eligible for IT Sorted. ( We can start by putting a full fake tactical warfare HQ and missile factory on Clarksons gaff.

Jeremy Clarkson's US counterpart:

RIP.

What’s wyki’s username on there?

Captain Tom’s family personally benefited from charity they founded, report finds https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2024/nov/21/captain-tom-family-personally-benefited-from-charity-they-founded-report-finds?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=bluesky&CMP=bsky_gu

Toontastic: Officially not the place to come for sympathy

All while doing the Steven Taylor fall to his knees in slow motion.

Just turn up pissed, dishevelled, possibly with some excrement involvement, and get lairy about the younger teaching staff or possibly even the older students. Oh wait, that won't work, you live in Ireland. Apologies, just do your time.

Fyp

Tell that to all of the women who loved a bit of sausage until you turned up with a flip pad full of home made pie charts.

And the hair on their heads, not just the pubes.

My lass likes these ones cos the timer has a hard cutoff at 10 minutes and if flips to the next parent's. So you don't have to deal with the parents who want a full half hour debrief on their kid, knowing full well that there are another 30 in the class to get through.

That includes the sheilas.

Vibes of

Russell Brand is looking rough.

the wonders of the little blue diamond.

What next time?

U ok, hun?

I’m picturing Fish falling down as fast as Peter Griffin

So after my venture into high brow Latin mysticism I have returned to more familiar ground; the ex footballer’s autobiography… so I’ll open it to the floor…. how much “literary time” does the author give to his two seasons playing for a certain football club in the North East of England?

Ewerk’s first board meeting…

Bet it turns out the cunt wasn't even a Captain and he was only a privet

If I remember from the last one I went to, French teacher, English teacher and one of the Science teachers were all bankable. 👍

Tories

WYIKIdMP

LTAdMP

Everyone under the age of 30 in Australia has bleached hair and the homemade version of the carpet remnant haircut tbf.

I’d happily throw my man-eggs her way