Monster

I had to phone the warranty dept. of a well known copier/scanner/printer company recently. Our machine was gubbed but still under warranty and i had to organise a replacement. Conversation went something like this: "Hello may i help you? This is Elvis speaking" Me:"Elvis? Seriously?" "Yes sir. How are the weathers you are having?" Me:"It's Scotland mate. It's raining. Now about this printer......" By this time i'm just pissing myself with laughter. To be fair to the bloke, he did get me a replacement machine......eventually.

The Lexus Monster. With a loudspeaker in-built so i can abuse all the twats in hats, whether it be the 90 year old ones in the Micras or the 18 year old ones in the £300 Clios with £5000 worth of neon lights, furry dice and bolt on exhausts that sound like a747 taking off

There is a catch. If you dont cover your bet with someone else (which would reduce your overall winnings but give a guaranteed return) and the mansion bet doesn't come up, you will probably lose through the exchange rate.

....aaaand thanks for having it removed.

Bloke takes his wife to the doctor: "Doc, i can't understand it, nobody can figure out whats wrong with her, can you help?" So the Doc runs a few tests. Next week the Doc calls the bloke up and says: "We cant be sure exactly what it is, but we've narrowed it down. It's either AIDS or Alzheimers" Bloke:"Bloody hell! What will i do Doc?" Doc:"Take her for a nice drive in the country, and if she finds her way home don't shag her."

2½ weeks of being a member and not posting a thing then suddenly 6 posts in 12 minutes!!! Wouldn't have anything to do with me bunging a minimum post threashold on playing the arcade games about an hour ago, would it? 192504[/snapback] Might have To be honest i got linked here from pie and bovril (Scottish Football site) to the Gold section and i pissed myself laughing so i thought i'd join up. I like reading it but am a bit afraid to post because i go to my own teams games and not to St. James regularly, in case i get the piss ripped out me. Then i found Jewel Quest.......

Getting suspended for booting the football under a teachers car. Bitter old cow.

Nicolai Davydenko, baldy Russian ranked number 7. Agassi is a big girl

i know you'll all be rushing here, but my true love is Ayr United FC, currently languishing in the lower reaches of Scottish Football(for about 96 years) At least we're black and white though www.honestpage.co.uk

One of them against Jamaica was an obvious own goal. Plus, he only scored against Trinity Tobacco because he pulled the defenders pigtails like a girly. But then what do i know, i'm just a Jock.

You can get a lot better down the Bigg Market on most nights of the week. Lot worse too, mind....

Some great wallpapers here. Thanks to whoever made the one i'm using.