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Monster

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Everything posted by Monster

  1. I notice the champions of each game are now those with the lowest scores.... Has this been done as the start of an ongoing campaign to get the Toon named upside-down champions of the League, in anticipation of where they appear to be heading?
  2. Phone them up and make a big noise about how they haven't given her the customer service expected and how it's a real worry etc etc. As long as you are nice and polite with it, you'll probably get a result. All mobile companies at the moment are practically throwing deals at folk.
  3. Didn't youse lot read about the guy who went and nailed his season ticket to the front door at St. James after the Fulham game on Saturday? When he got home his lass apparently went berserk at him because of the waste of money, and so he thought he'd better go get it back. When he got there someone had stolen the nail......
  4. It's only 4 miles from the open sewer that is k*lm*rn*ck. I swear i can smell the soap dodging bastards sometimes.....
  5. I live in a lovely little village of 2700 people. It's near my team, pubs and supermarkets and the boys school is only built about 10 years and is great. Plus i live in a 3 bedroom house which we bought before property prices went mad, so the mortgage is buttons. The only downside is one of my neighbours is from Pelaw and he's a mackem.
  6. "I've got a present for you Lois. I'll give you a clue:it's in my diaper and it's not a toaster!" Genius.
  7. Mate of mine always makes us cringe with shame at home games. We stand directly behind the goal in the Somerset Road. Every time a ref gives any decision against Ayr United, and i mean anything at all, a blatant foul, a clear handball, anything, he starts bawling "CHEAT! CHEAT! CHEAT!" at the ref at the top of his voice. A couple of weeks ago in the pub we told him in no uncertain terms to shut the fuck up. So now he's graduated to:"The refs boyfriend is straight!" He is a ginga though.......
  8. It was one of Matty M's. Just a general pastiche of the team. No worries, i prefer our version of Wonderwall anyway.
  9. I'll second that^^. It's quite good here...
  10. You're saying 'security issues' but i'm thinking 'keep monster from the arcade now he's got 50 posts'
  11. I once had a nightmare about my team getting humped 4-0 at home by Cowdenbeath. That would never happen though.....
  12. Eskimos car breaks down, so he calls the AA. The bloke turns up has a quick look and says:"I see your problem mate, you've blown a seal" The eskimo says:"Nah, that's just a bit of frost on me top lip...."
  13. I watched Gangster No. 1 last night through my 'home defeat tears'(which are getting more regular ) There's nothing quite like some mindless violence to take your mind off your pishy fitba' club.....
  14. Hugo calls him everything except a mackem.
  15. Bless you. 195804[/snapback] Forgive my innebriated state. 195807[/snapback] No problem, thanks for getting me two posts closer to my next attempt to get a decent score on the gem game. If you so much as go near Jewel Quest i'll just up the high score to over a million. I only stopped the last time because i had to go produce a big curly steamer. I am the Jewel Quest legend.
  16. Best: Chilled pint of lager and lime after the 5's. Worst: Hairspray(someone put it in a bottle of vodka and dared me to drink it )
  17. That was me 20th birthday actually. You still beat them 7-1, but it was fucking funny at the time.
  18. That was me 20th birthday actually. You still beat them 7-1, but it was fucking funny at the time.
  19. Keyboard gangstas should be banned unless they're funny. Was this guy funny?
  20. I failed my Maths higher the first time and it was piss easy. It just bored me to tears, but i passed the damn thing the next time. I also have a higher in Latin. Do i win £5?
  21. I wear glasses because my mum said they made me look handsome and all the girls would like me. Now i'm a socially bereft overweight 32 year old who masturbates to goat porn.
  22. Do you want an Ayr United members badge rather than a Newcastle one by the way? 194875[/snapback] That would be reet nice of you, cheers. And my parents didn't hate me that much, my nickname is 'Neil'.
  23. Yeah, at one point he compared them to the Isle Of Man. Very disrespectful to a young country with limited resources that are just proud to be at the table with the big guns feeding for scraps. I didn't think they were all that bad actually. A lot better than the Faroes tbh.
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