Monster

Happy Mondays - Jellybean

What kind of muppet gets the sega logo tattooed on their leg?

There are some nice coffees if you are looking for strength. Java Love is superb and organic too. Asdas own brand strength 5 is about £1 a bag and surprisingly tasty.

"Is it a girlscout meeting or is it that you girls can't admit you have a problem?"

Arctic Monkeys - Teddy Picker

The Hives - Walk Idiot Walk

Be careful!!

Remember to remove the extra warranty Not bad for £327.

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful woman wave at him and say hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from.So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies,"I think you're the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says,"My God, are you the stripper from my stag party that I made love to on the pool table with all my pals watching,while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???" She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."

Arctic Monkeys - A Certain Romance

When is the album out? I have them on at the moment - they're great at being 'Northern'

Somebody from the supporters bus ponced a score off me a couple of weeks ago and is such a slippery git that he didn't even go to the game last week to dodge me! I think he needs to be included in this corner......

If I ever need a lot of potatoes lifted from my garden or gallons of whiskey needing drank, I shall call an Irishman. Until then, I am Irishless, and happy with that.

The Killers - Change your mind.

You've spotted the flaw in the plan here. It took me quite a bit longer and a sore face to discover that.

Meenzer's blatantly up to the same rouse. Oh, we've all done it! Haven't we? Just me then....

The wife just bluetoothed a set of filthy pictures of naked muscley blokes from the phone of a guy she works with. I reckon he's pretending to be gay to score chicks though - you know it makes sense! As for friends, I don't need them, I've got my flying reaper monkeys....

I wouldn't have been poking her hand, but then you lesbians are a mystery to me.....

I've got it and I find it cuts out at really inopportune times (i.e. when I'm about to pot the 8 ball on internet pool) and it runs pretty slowly often. I'm downloading just now and it's at 105kb/s

Hows this for a drinking game? Watch your team get gubbed at home to Cowdenbeath and continue drinking cans of stella until you pass out. Easy to remember.

Happy Birthday Catmag - 32 is a great age.

The Killers - Smells like you mean it.

Best: The Deer Hunter Worst: ExistenZ

Duran Duran - Skin Trade. tbh.

After Dennis Leary denied he was a Bill Hicks riip- off act: Interviewer:"Bill, we hear you quit smoking again. Why did you do it this time?" Bill:"Uh, to see if Dennis Leary does it too...." Legend. Greatest comedian ever, www.loveallthepeople.com