Wardi

Yes I still have this on VHS video tape. I was 11 years old.

I recently attended the annual disco held for the National Dyslexic Society. It was all going very well until the DJ played 'YMCA'.

The rock artist Sting was seen entering a den of iniquity in the Amsterdam Red light district this weekend. It was later reported that he was having a massage in a brothel.

True Story.. many years ago I was in a bar where they were holding an Elvis impersonator contest. One of the contestants did look remarkably like Elvis but only had one leg. He announced his signature song as 'Blue Suede Shoe'.

I live in a Leeds catchment area, the local fans are saying Leeds chucked it away in the last 6-8 games, too many losses and draws. They were going like a train in Jan/Feb, 9 wins on the trot.

2-1 Forest.

Anyone else want to chime in with a time pun? No need to be alarmed.

I'm trying to train my dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground. Progress is good - he's gone from barking to tooting in less than an hour.

The inventors of the ballet skirt thought long and hard about what to call their creation. Eventually they just put Tu and Tu together.

I managed to burn my Hawaiian pizza in the oven last night. Maybe I should have tried aloha setting.

If I hear any more half baked bread puns I will be kneading help!

Two jump leads walk into a bar and demand a pint of lager each. 'Alright, I'll serve you' said the barman, 'but don't try and start anything'.

A lorry load of stolen wigs has overturned on the A1 near Washington. Police are now combing the area.

Police have pulled over a suspicious empty horsebox on the A1 with Irish number plates. The driver claimed he was taking the non-runners to Catterick.

Police investigating a robbery at a prosthetics factory say they are searching for a number of unarmed criminals.

A lingerie business set up by ex Star Trek legend William Shatner has gone into receivership. A disappointed Shatner admitted that titling the lingerie range 'Shatner Pants' was probably not the best idea.

It has just been announced that Wildebeest Pate’ - once famously endorsed by Frank Sinatra - is to be re-launched on the American market. Start spreading the Gnus.

A prolific Swiss clock and watchmaker with a collection of hundreds of timepieces has sadly died at the age of 95. Solicitors acting as executors say it may take several months to wind up his estate.

In the 19th century the Cornish Pasty makers of south west England had reached crisis point. A general shortage of meat and meat rationing left them short of fillings for their pasties. In sheer desperation they decided to use the innards of large rodents as a meat substitute. These pasties became known as the pie-rats of Penzance.