Tdansmith

Summerville also looks a canny good player as well. If Leeds do go up they'll have a better chance of keeping them.

On your advice I'm putting my savings on this. I'm looking forward to seeing £70 winnings in my acc late sat neet.

😂 8-10 Kevin Ball gets his off the old lady, give her a medal btw

A young man walks onto the stage of Stars in their Eyes, on crutches, with a plaster cast from his feet to his hips. Matthew Kelly Introduces him as Simon. “It’s very brave of you to come out here,” says Matthew. “Please tell the audience what happened.” “Well,” replies Simon, “about a year ago, I was driving with my uncle when we had a really bad accident. Unfortunately my uncle was killed outright but I survived. I was trapped in the car for six hours before I was eventually cut free. The doctors had me in surgery for 12 hours but they couldn’t save my legs.” “That’s terrible. But I see you have legs now. Are they artificial?” asks Matthew. "No Matthew, while I was in hospital the doctors informed me that my uncle had in fact died. But they also said that his legs were fine and, with all the advances in medical science, they could graft the bottom half of his body onto mine. As you can see the operation was successful. “I have been having physiotherapy for six months and hope to be walking fully again by the end of the year.” A huge round of applause erupts from the audience. Kelly responds with: “That’s an unbelievable story. So tonight, who are you going to be?” “Tonight, Matthew, I am going to be Simon and Half-uncle.”

After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.” “But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer. “I know,” says the sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.”😂

As they get closer, they can see the tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There’s smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly-raw bacon, all sorts. “Oh my, Pepe” says the first bloke. “It’s a bacon tree! We’re saved!” “You’re right!” says Pepe. So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets within five feet of the tree, there’s the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets. His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Pepe. “Pepe! Pepe! What on earth happened?” With his dying breath Pepe calls out, “Ugh, run, run! It’s not a Bacon Tree…it’s a Ham Bush”

"Pay it and take their targets because feck Newcastle" manc twats ! https://www.redcafe.net/threads/dan-ashworth-newcastle-dof.478683/page-15

Has Beale been sacked yet ?

Jonathon Ross was arrested this morning for stealing kitchen utensils. He said it was a whisk worth taking.

😂 This mackem whopper.... https://www.readytogo.net/smb/threads/i-honestly-dont-want-us-to-go-up-this-season-or-any-season.1627594/

Watching Lyon v Nice good game so far. Lyon look much better these days and I'll be looking towards backing them in the future games.

A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. He looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, he finds an ad for “Bear Removers.” He calls the number, and the bear remover says he’ll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van. He’s got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. “What are you going to do?” the homeowner asks. “I’m going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I’m going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage at the back of the van.” He hands the shotgun to the homeowner. “What’s the shotgun for?” asks the homeowner. “If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog.”

10th 😂

Aberdeen 0-3 Motherwell (26mins) Aberdeen 3-3 Motherwell ( 50mins) Sounds like a great game.

Happy birthday wor Kev.

Adam Pearson scores for Huddersfield against sunderland😂 ok his first name isn't Adam

Man City being nice and letting Copenhagen have a goal to make it 1-1, but just for a laugh. 2-1 up now.

A woman who suspected her husband of cheating concocted a clever plan to confirm whether her suspicions were true. One day, the husband called his wife and let her know his boss had invited him on a fishing trip in Canada with some friends. The man told his wife he thought he should go, as it would be a great move for his career. When his wife agreed to let him go, he asked her to pack a bag for him, as he and his boss would be leaving for the trip directly from the office. He asked her to pack his new blue silk pyjamas, specifically. The wife knew something was odd about the trip from her husband’s request, but she packed everything he asked for and had it ready for him to come pick up on his way to Canada. The husband returned home after a week and his wife asked if he had a good time and if he caught any fish. “You bet we did! We caught pike and walleye – tons of fish!” he told his wife. “We spent all day out on the lake and had fish every night for dinner. It was fantastic.” The husband then mentioned his wife forgot one little thing. “You forgot to pack my pyjamas, like I asked,” he said. “No, I didn’t,” his wife replied. “I put them in your fishing box.”

😂