McFaul

Kelly was on about peoples historical support. When you've been brought up and schooled in 10 different places, mainly non-Newcastle, like some you might as well be classed as a gypsy, or a posh gypsy thinking about certain people. We understand how those types are very different don't you worry.

Totally agree.

Fuckin hell, that game. Honestly this in my entire life against all sides, some incredibly shit, that game was THE most one sided affair I've ever seen in my life. We've seen plenty 5-0s, 5-1s, 7-1s even but that game against West Ham 12-0 would've flattered them never mind 3-0.

All this patter reminds me of one of my favourite ever songs all about turnin oot in the toon.

Followed through when I got home three times after being in there. We all used to go there because it was £1 a pint and you could get mortal with your 10a pocket money on a Friday night.

Newburn Boathouse with me fatha. I can tell you the date 3rd April 1993. I was 15 and I'm pretty sure the drink was stinking Carling. The reason I know the date is, it was the day of the Sheffield Cup Semi Final at Wembley where Waddle scored that beauty.

Remember that game well. I was in the Leazes End, there was about 34,000 there because we knew it was the game that would be pivotal in our relegation battle. I remember going 0-1 down after 20 seconds and unbelievably the kid who scored (Dean Barrick) it was the first touch of his career. Bobbled in to the corner. We lost 1-3 and that was it really.

If you're honest how many Newcastle games do you think you've approximately been to? What was your first ever game and what was your first away game? I went to my first home game August 29 1985. It was a classic in a few ways. For one I was in the wooden seats with my dad and sister as a 7 year old. Two we beat Liverpool hugely unexpectedly, three it was their first away game after Heysel and four George Reilly who was fuckin totally shit got the winner. As a seven year old I was massively frightened of the noise or so I'm told, doubt kids face that these days. I went to about another 100 games from then till 1991 when I got my first season ticket and I had that till 2014. I've probably done over 120 away games, missed 2 out of 23 in 92/93, home games over 600, so I've been to in excess of 700 Newcastle matches. My first away game was the mackems in 1991, a 1-1 draw with the most mental celebration of a goal I can ever remember (below). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cR3-XNmaPfg

At least ye had nee spots.

http://tomkinstimes.com/2015/08/view-from-the-other-side-season-preview-2/

A year ago today I had the operation on my brain which saved my life. 915 they took me in to theatre on a wheelchair. I'm still here to bug cunts on toontastic for at least four years divvint yee worry.

Good stuff. Its the easiest to beat of all the cancers the clems one. 98% beat it. With mine 60% die within five years, not me though, fuck that, need to sort a bairn out now to shut people up and see the toon win a trophy before I cark it.

I'm hungry all the time. I stopped smoking 3 years ago then I get cancer, how does that work? Maybe we should go back to the Regal King Size.

Me derbies not that bad tbh.

I'm apparently doing as well as possible on the years worth of chemo, most people lose lots of weight, lose their appetite and strength, because it's such a difficult thing doing chemotherapy. It's nee picnic, but I've just got 3 months left. However they always insist I don't train. I don't train because I do as I'm told, I'm hungry all the time, far more than normal and they're fucking buzzing about it. Well I'm not, I got my weight done today and I'm BY FAR the heaviest I've ever been. I'm quite upset about it to be honest. All the people I've referred to as fat cunts throughout my life and the scales in the market told me I'm 17st5lbs. With me being 6ft2 and broad I can carry weight, but I've crossed the line now. The women in my life are still "Oh he carries it well though doesn't he?". It's doing my nut in. I'm going to have to start calorie counting like a woman and limiting my beer consumption too, then live in the gym from the end of November. I know I'll get rid of it, but its nee fun running down the street like Pamela Anderson in the opening credits of Baywatch.

He was easily one of our three best players last season (which is saying fuck all like) and he doesn't deserve being pulled to pieces. He's great in some games, average in others, the last thing in the side I'd have a go at is him playing a deep midfield role. He's a canny player, I tell you something now, there's a player for Liverpool playing his role, he's the most overrated and overpaid player in English football and he hasn't got a great deal more to his game than Colback.

Not where I sat they didn't. He keeps the ball reasonably well this lad, Smith didn't do anything reasonably well.

He's been alright for Newcastle. His passing is usually short but to its target, he's decent and tactically not bad at all. He's like a poor mans David Batty but I'd rather have him than Anita or Abeid as would most match going fans.

Thanks a lot Kitman. Aye she's a goodun. I'm doing the GNR next year, it would be like the opening credits of Baywatch if I did it this time the size of my moobs currently.

"See the wee dolls ooa in Sarnlund. They stink o fuckin pish and thats eh good lookin waaans"

I shared a ferry with him from Stranraer to Belfast in 2004. He was fuckin mortal. He's from Stranraer.

I tell you who the classic example of this was......Lilian Laslandes. Highly thought of when he signed for the mackems, he won 2 french titles with mickey mouse clubs like Auxerre, capped by France, he got to Sunderland for £4m didn't score one goal and by all accounts was arguably their shitest striker of the last 15 years (including Kevin Kyle).

This piece about me is in the paper tomorrow. http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/local-news/great-north-run-readers-share-9796069

Sunderland. Fair enough I'm hungover to fuck, but I just imagined living there and tears came in to my eyes. We have lots of gripes with NUFC, but imagine in your heart being a Sunderland fan. They have no hope of doing anything ever, seriously too. Foreign investment? Would a foreigner want to be part of that place? The worst city in England arguably? It's sad, it truly is sad, maybe our dislike and hatred of the city, the football club and the population in general, should become more of a sympathetic arm pat while softly saying "poor cunts".

No one and I mean no one has ever seen this before. Poor cunt