Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Renton

Ex-girlfriend

Recommended Posts

I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that 'magic`.

 

"Wow!", I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"

 

She just giggled and said she was sure I'd rise to the challenge!!!

 

"Yeah" I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline that's a few inches wider these days!"

 

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly! She teased me saying that tubby bald men were cute!

 

"Anyway, I've put on a few pounds myself!" she giggled...................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So I told her to fuck off.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
:angry:  :razz:

 

Too right in my view, it's ok for us to pile on a bit of timber but as soon as they start to tip the scales past 10 stone they need kicking into touch!

60138[/snapback]

 

:D

 

Bridget will be along shortly I'm sure :icon_lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Reminds me of my mate who got uncerimoniously dumped a few years ago. Known for his brutal honesty his other half should have known better than to ask him if the dress she was wearing made her look fat.

 

His response was simply "what's the fucking dress got to do with anything?"

 

100% true because his lass was a mate of my lass at the time and I was getting it in the neck from her for having a 'complete wanker' of a mate! :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Reminds me of my mate who got uncerimoniously dumped a few years ago. Known for his brutal honesty his other half should have known better than to ask him if the dress she was wearing made her look fat.

 

His response was simply "what's the fucking dress got to do with anything?"

 

100% true because his lass was a mate of my lass at the time and I was getting it in the neck from her for having a 'complete wanker' of a mate! :D

60254[/snapback]

 

:icon_lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Reminds me of my mate who got uncerimoniously dumped a few years ago. Known for his brutal honesty his other half should have known better than to ask him if the dress she was wearing made her look fat.

 

His response was simply "what's the fucking dress got to do with anything?"

 

100% true because his lass was a mate of my lass at the time and I was getting it in the neck from her for having a 'complete wanker' of a mate! :D

60254[/snapback]

 

:icon_lol:

60257[/snapback]

 

:angry: Brilliant. The easiest way to end an unwanted relationship.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
:razz:  ;)

 

Too right in my view, it's ok for us to pile on a bit of timber but as soon as they start to tip the scales past 10 stone they need kicking into touch!

60138[/snapback]

 

:D

 

Bridget will be along shortly I'm sure :icon_lol:

60146[/snapback]

 

Fuck that miserable muppet! :angry:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
:icon_lol:  :icon_lol:

 

Too right in my view, it's ok for us to pile on a bit of timber but as soon as they start to tip the scales past 10 stone they need kicking into touch!

60138[/snapback]

 

:lol:

 

Bridget will be along shortly I'm sure ;)

60146[/snapback]

 

Fuck that miserable muppet! ;)

60267[/snapback]

 

:lol:

 

Some of the one liners on here are priceless.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

........some of them are fucking dreadful an all like! ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest alex
;)  ;)

 

Too right in my view, it's ok for us to pile on a bit of timber but as soon as they start to tip the scales past 10 stone they need kicking into touch!

60138[/snapback]

 

:lol:

 

Bridget will be along shortly I'm sure :lol:

60146[/snapback]

 

Fuck that miserable muppet! ;)

60267[/snapback]

Bridget's a canny lass actually. A bit clever for me like.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest alex
:icon_lol:  :icon_lol:

 

Too right in my view, it's ok for us to pile on a bit of timber but as soon as they start to tip the scales past 10 stone they need kicking into touch!

60138[/snapback]

 

:lol:

 

Bridget will be along shortly I'm sure ;)

60146[/snapback]

 

Fuck that miserable muppet! ;)

60267[/snapback]

 

:lol:

 

Some of the one liners on here are priceless.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

........some of them are fucking dreadful an all like! ;)

60274[/snapback]

Vinegar tits is yet to be matched tbh.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
:icon_lol:  :icon_lol:

 

Too right in my view, it's ok for us to pile on a bit of timber but as soon as they start to tip the scales past 10 stone they need kicking into touch!

60138[/snapback]

 

:lol:

 

Bridget will be along shortly I'm sure ;)

60146[/snapback]

 

Fuck that miserable muppet! ;)

60267[/snapback]

 

:lol:

 

Some of the one liners on here are priceless.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

........some of them are fucking dreadful an all like! ;)

60274[/snapback]

Vinegar tits is yet to be matched tbh.

60277[/snapback]

 

 

First time I heard that was Vera vinegar tits from prisoner cell block H. Anyone seen this? There was also this wizened old hag called Liz who was so wrinkled you'd need bull dog clips to do the business, but that's another story.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
:icon_lol:  :icon_lol:

 

Too right in my view, it's ok for us to pile on a bit of timber but as soon as they start to tip the scales past 10 stone they need kicking into touch!

60138[/snapback]

 

:lol:

 

Bridget will be along shortly I'm sure ;)

60146[/snapback]

 

Fuck that miserable muppet! ;)

60267[/snapback]

 

:lol:

 

Some of the one liners on here are priceless.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

........some of them are fucking dreadful an all like! ;)

60274[/snapback]

Vinegar tits is yet to be matched tbh.

60277[/snapback]

 

Aye it's a damning insult of which I have found in my experience there is no retort.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
There was also this wizened old hag called Liz who was so wrinkled you'd need bull dog clips to do the business, but that's another story.

60292[/snapback]

 

:lol:

 

You disgust me. :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
:icon_lol:  :icon_lol:

 

Too right in my view, it's ok for us to pile on a bit of timber but as soon as they start to tip the scales past 10 stone they need kicking into touch!

60138[/snapback]

 

:lol:

 

Bridget will be along shortly I'm sure ;)

60146[/snapback]

 

Fuck that miserable muppet! ;)

60267[/snapback]

 

:lol:

 

Some of the one liners on here are priceless.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

........some of them are fucking dreadful an all like! :icon_lol:

60274[/snapback]

Vinegar tits is yet to be matched tbh.

60277[/snapback]

 

 

First time I heard that was Vera vinegar tits from prisoner cell block H. Anyone seen this? There was also this wizened old hag called Liz who was so wrinkled you'd need bull dog clips to do the business, but that's another story.

60292[/snapback]

 

 

Birdsworth?

 

I liked it when Alf Stewart was in it with his little kosh. ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We used to call the general manager at the hotel I used to work at Vinegar Tits, she couldn't raise a smile for nowt, no matter how funny the situation/gag was. Miserable twat!

 

Good story from my time there was when a lad from the Leisure club was leaving after 9 years there to join the Police, he had this big flag which for some reason (i never knew why) had some significance to him, so everyone signed this big flag and left a farewell message. It was hung up in the restaurant when we did his presentation, the general manager was reading a few of the messages to him and her face was a picture when she came across mine stuck in the bottom left corner. It read "Fuck off pig, we can't go two's up on the female guests in the jacuzzi now!"

 

So from this she deduced that it must have been a night shift worker as that was the only time this sort of activity would have been able to have happened, she spent the next 2 weeks interviewing members of staff to find out who had defaced the flag. The lad it was for thought it was funny as fuck like, but she wasn't interested in that. Anyway she never caught me, miserable vingar breasted mare!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
We used to call the general manager at the hotel I used to work at Vinegar Tits, she couldn't raise a smile for nowt, no matter how funny the situation/gag was. Miserable twat!

 

Good story from my time there was when a lad from the Leisure club was leaving after 9 years there to join the Police, he had this big flag which for some reason (i never knew why) had some significance to him, so everyone signed this big flag and left a farewell message. It was hung up in the restaurant when we did his presentation, the general manager was reading a few of the messages to him and her face was a picture when she came across mine stuck in the bottom left corner. It read "Fuck off pig, we can't go two's up on the female guests in the jacuzzi now!"

 

So from this she deduced that it must have been a night shift worker as that was the only time this sort of activity would have been able to have happened, she spent the next 2 weeks interviewing members of staff to find out who had defaced the flag. The lad it was for thought it was funny as fuck like, but she wasn't interested in that. Anyway she never caught me, miserable vingar breasted mare!

60330[/snapback]

 

You certainly have away with words wor kid, taught you everything you know

:lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest alex
This is the manager you were shagging, right? :lol:

60335[/snapback]

 

No i was fucking my manager who was just a normal duty manager, this was the big boss.

60344[/snapback]

I guessed this was a different lass like :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Sign in to follow this  

Recent tweets

Toontastic Facebook

Donate to Toontastic

Keeping the lights on since... well ages ago
TT-Staff


×