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I’ve grown up with this board and know a lot of you are middle aged with kids, like me, and have probably had similar experiences with yours.

Was wondering if any of you have had to deal with your kids being bullied at school yet, and how you managed the situation. It’s absolutely brutal man. Little kids are broadly little shits and it seems I’m absolutely terrible at offering my little boy advice. I tend to get angry when I hear him talk about how some other kid has been pushing him around, it’s mostly verbals at his age, when I should probably try to be more sensitive to how the situation is making him feel.

I know I should try to stay calm but tend to get worked up and tell him to stand up for himself, and to not be a victim. The teachers are aware of what’s going on, but they can’t be across everything that happens in the playground. 

The problem, as I see it, is he keeps going back to the same group of kids and the same thing keeps on happening. I would rather he gave the verbals back and moved on to a new group of kids. We’ve had half the class over to our house for play dates and he has no problems getting on with any of them, it seems.  But when you keep going back to the bullies, pleading to be let back in, you give them the power and the licence to continue picking on you.

If only parenting came with an instruction manual. Interested to hear your experiences and any advice you might have.

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Hard to say i guess if he's going to them rather than them seeking him out to pick on him, but it's probably a pretty common scenario sadly, people wanting to be in a certain group and letting them take advantage a bit in the hope they're accepted.

Other than that bullying wise I've told the wee fella similar to yourself which was what i was brought up to do, Don't go starting anything, but if someone starts on you, make sure you finish it. Like you say someone will be an easier target if you stand up for yourself.

 

(his mum obviously tells him the usual no fighting, tell the teacher etc)

 

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6 minutes ago, Ant said:

Hard to say i guess if he's going to them rather than them seeking him out to pick on him, but it's probably a pretty common scenario sadly, people wanting to be in a certain group and letting them take advantage a bit in the hope they're accepted.

Other than that bullying wise I've told the wee fella similar to yourself which was what i was brought up to do, Don't go starting anything, but if someone starts on you, make sure you finish it. Like you say someone will be an easier target if you stand up for yourself.

 

(his mum obviously tells him the usual no fighting, tell the teacher etc)

 

That's exactly how my conversations with the wife go :lol:

I'm not one for advocating physical or verbal attacks on other children, but if some other kid starts some shit, you have every right to stick up for yourself.

It's not really physical bullying at this stage (they're only 8), but I tell him to run his mouth back at the kids who start the shit. He's a really bright kid for one thing, he wouldn't have any problems giving it back. The problem is he's super sensitive and doesn't deal well with rejection. He wants to be in with this group of lads but I worry he's coming cross as desperate and there's nothing bullies love more than having the power over other kids. He's really confident generally I just hope these little shits don't affect that. 

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In an ideal world, teacher sits down with both kids and has your son explain how he feels and the other kid has his eyes opened a bit.

 

But that shit doesn't happen so ultimately I'm reluctantly thinking that the standing up for himself thing is the way forward. I had to at school and as soon as I did, the bullying stopped. Easier targets, etc.

 

He doesn't have to get physical, I think simply showing he's not afraid is enough.

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i agree. it's not threatening stuff at this stage, he's just being made to feel like he doesn't belong. stand up to them then walk away and find new friends, better friends, was my advice. they'll come to you when they see they have no power over you but don't go running back to the kids who gang up on you pleading to be in their gang or it'll continue.  

my problem is i get too shouty with him because i'm enraged when i hear about these little shits giving him a hard time. it's hard to stay calm and rational sometimes. 

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8 hours ago, Dr Gloom said:

I’ve grown up with this board and know a lot of you are middle aged with kids, like me, and have probably had similar experiences with yours.

Was wondering if any of you have had to deal with your kids being bullied at school yet, and how you managed the situation. It’s absolutely brutal man. Little kids are broadly little shits and it seems I’m absolutely terrible at offering my little boy advice. I tend to get angry when I hear him talk about how some other kid has been pushing him around, it’s mostly verbals at his age, when I should probably try to be more sensitive to how the situation is making him feel.

I know I should try to stay calm but tend to get worked up and tell him to stand up for himself, and to not be a victim. The teachers are aware of what’s going on, but they can’t be across everything that happens in the playground. 

The problem, as I see it, is he keeps going back to the same group of kids and the same thing keeps on happening. I would rather he gave the verbals back and moved on to a new group of kids. We’ve had half the class over to our house for play dates and he has no problems getting on with any of them, it seems.  But when you keep going back to the bullies, pleading to be let back in, you give them the power and the licence to continue picking on you.

If only parenting came with an instruction manual. Interested to hear your experiences and any advice you might have.

 

Although it’s hard, don’t let yourselves get too stressed and worked up. My oldest is 30, youngest (boy) is 8 and two in between.

 

At 8 it’s big change because they’ve usually gone from being top dogs at infants to small fish at Juniors. There style of play gets much more boisterous but at 8 there is usually (in boys) very little if any genuine malice behind it.

 

A fluid pecking order starts to develop and eventually he fill find his place in that group or will move on to a different group. 

 

If it starts to effect him badly (more than at a bit of whinging that Billy won’t let him join in), or physical attacks, then insist the teachers get more involved and set up a few meetings with the head.

 

DONT take it out on the kids parents either. 

 

Honestly, a lot of this has been going on in my sons year group this year and they can be in and out of favour all the time over the stupidest of reasons. 

 

Good luck with the situation but at 8 it really is quite often more of a drama for the parents than the kids.

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1 hour ago, Christmas Tree said:

 

Although it’s hard, don’t let yourselves get too stressed and worked up. My oldest is 30, youngest (boy) is 8 and two in between.

 

At 8 it’s big change because they’ve usually gone from being top dogs at infants to small fish at Juniors. There style of play gets much more boisterous but at 8 there is usually (in boys) very little if any genuine malice behind it.

 

A fluid pecking order starts to develop and eventually he fill find his place in that group or will move on to a different group. 

 

If it starts to effect him badly (more than at a bit of whinging that Billy won’t let him join in), or physical attacks, then insist the teachers get more involved and set up a few meetings with the head.

 

DONT take it out on the kids parents either. 

 

Honestly, a lot of this has been going on in my sons year group this year and they can be in and out of favour all the time over the stupidest of reasons. 

 

Good luck with the situation but at 8 it really is quite often more of a drama for the parents than the kids.

Yeah, I get that last point you made about a lot of stuff at this age and he’s quite resilient and chipper, unlike his old man who is a natural doom merchant. But it’s definitely affecting him. He’s not himself and he’s been quite upset the past week or two, which is very unlike him. I just hope his school work doesn’t suffer and he retains his natural confidence. He has no problem making friends with total strangers so I hope you’re right and he eventually gives up on this group of lads because I’m sure he’d be happy with different friends if he gave them more of a chance.

Welcome back, by the way. Who do you fancy for the Tory leadership? 

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