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Garlic Bread is Funniest British One-Liner

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Peter Kay's line in Phoenix Nights - "Garlic bread - it's the future, I've tasted it" - has been named the greatest one-liner in TV comedy history.

 

Uttered by wheelchair-bound nightclub owner Brian Potter, it beat other memorable favourites from the likes of Only Fools and Horses, Blackadder and Fawlty Towers.

The Mrs Merton Show, where the acid-tongued pensioner played by Caroline Aherne asks Debbie McGee: "So, what first attracted you to millionaire Paul Daniels?", takes second place.

 

Next is The Office, where Ricky Gervais' creation David Brent launches another desperate attempt to boost his credentials as a cool boss.

 

He tells his employees: "If you were to ask me to name three geniuses, I probably wouldn't say Einstein, Newton... I'd go Milligan, Cleese, Everett, Sessions...".

 

Fourth in the poll, commissioned by UKTV Gold, is Father Ted, where actor Dermot Morgan utters the line: "I'm not a fascist. I'm a priest. Fascists dress up in black and tell people what to do. Whereas priests... more drink?"

 

The survey put Rowan Atkinson's Edmund Blackadder in fifth place, with the vitriolic butler uttering: "He's mad! He's mad. He's madder than Mad Jack McMad, the winner of this year's Mr Madman competition."

 

In sixth place is Only Fools And Horses, where street cleaner Trigger (Roger Lloyd-Pack) speculates on the name of Del Boy's new baby and continues a lifelong habit of thinking that Rodney's name is Dave.

 

"If it's a girl they're gonna name it Sigourney after an actress, and if it's a boy they're gonna name him Rodney after Dave," he says.

 

Absolutely Fabulous, and PR woman Patsy's (Joanna Lumley) typically catty remark: "One more facelift on this one and she'll have a beard" is seventh.

 

Fawlty Towers takes eighth place, with John Cleese's hotel proprietor Basil Fawlty responding to two guests speaking to him in German by saying: "Oh, German. I'm sorry, I thought there was something wrong with you."

 

I'm Alan Partridge (Steve Coogan) is ninth with his message relayed to his downtrodden secretary over his hands-free kit while he aimlessly drives around Norwich: "I'm going nowhere, Lynn. Quite literally, I'm on the ring road."

 

The Vicar of Dibley takes the last spot in the top 10, with Geraldine Granger (Dawn French) making her village debut as new priest, by announcing: "You were expecting a bloke with a beard, a bible and bad breath. You've got a babe with a bob cut and a magnificent bosom."

 

UKTV Gold's channel head James Newton said: "The poll shows that lines from more recent comedy series are just as fondly remembered and quoted by members of the public as those from years ago.

 

"The one-liners on this list come from a real mix of characters and are memorable for being sharp and utterly hilarious."

 

The poll of 4,000 people was commissioned to celebrate UKTV Gold's Britcom Season.

 

Voters were asked to choose their favourite one-liners from a shortlist of 50 picked from the cream of British comedy.

 

Each one-liner had to be able to stand alone without being introduced by another character's dialogue, and not be a comedy catchphrase.

 

:: The greatest one-liners in British TV history

 

1. Phoenix Nights

Brian Potter: "Garlic bread - it's the future, I've tasted it."

 

2. The Mrs Merton Show

Mrs Merton to Debbie McGee: "So, what first attracted you to millionaire Paul Daniels?"

 

3. The Office

David Brent: "If you were to ask me to name three geniuses, I probably wouldn't say Einstein, Newton... I'd go Milligan, Cleese, Everett, Sessions..."

 

4. Father Ted

Father Ted: "I'm not a fascist. I'm a priest. Fascists dress up in black and tell people what to do. Whereas priests... more drink?"

 

5. Blackadder

Edmund Blackadder: "He's mad! He's mad. He's madder than Mad Jack McMad, the winner of this year's Mr Madman competition."

 

6. Only Fools And Horses

Trigger speculates on the name of Del Boy's new baby: "If it's a girl they're gonna name it Sigourney after an actress, and if it's a boy they're gonna name him Rodney after Dave."

 

7. Absolutely Fabulous

Patsy: "One more facelift on this one and she'll have a beard."

 

8. Fawlty Towers

Basil Fawlty: (two guests are speaking to Basil in German) "Oh, German. I'm sorry, I thought there was something wrong with you."

 

9. I'm Alan Partridge

Alan Partridge: "I'm going nowhere, Lynn. Quite literally, I'm on the ring road."

 

10. Vicar of Dibley

Geraldine Granger arrives in Dibley as the new priest: "You were expecting a bloke with a beard, a bible and bad breath. You've got a babe with a bob cut and a magnificent bosom."

 

"Don't Tell Him Pike" shits on all of those tbh

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The Vicar of Dibley getting into any list that includes the word "funniest" in the title is a disgrace. Particularly when you read the line. Jesus wept.

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Guest alex
The Vicar of Dibley getting into any list that includes the word "funniest" in the title is a disgrace.  Particularly when you read the line.  Jesus wept.

176675[/snapback]

The Vicar of Dibley makes Scrubs look funny tbh ;)

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"You were expecting a bloke with a beard, a bible and bad breath. You've got a babe with a bob cut and a magnificent bosom."

 

No Mr. Christ, I expect you to weep.

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The fact that it was a UkGold survey leads me to suspect that not many people took part????

 

Vicar Of Dibley? Funny? Yer avin a larf.

 

I agree that 'Don't tell him Pike' is up there with the best ;):)

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Vicar Of Dibley? Funny? Yer avin a larf.

 

176703[/snapback]

 

 

Wasn't it voted the greatest sitcom of all time in a BBC (More voters) poll?

 

Sobbing saviour!

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Vicar Of Dibley? Funny? Yer avin a larf.

 

176703[/snapback]

 

 

Wasn't it voted the greatest sitcom of all time in a BBC (More voters) poll?

 

Sobbing saviour!

176707[/snapback]

 

You're joking????????????? ;):):(

 

Son of God with conjunctivitis!

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I don't even think the garlic bread line deserves to be in that list :(

176723[/snapback]

 

Agreed. A witty comment, no more, no less.

 

I love Phoenix Nights but that comment was not the most funny line in it.

 

'I'm getting the name....John! Is there a John in the audience?' ;):)

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I suppose they asked only 4000 people..

176734[/snapback]

 

Even so though, that would mean that presumably there is at the very least, a handful of people in Britain thinks that the funniest thing they've ever heard on TV is:

 

"You were expecting a bloke with a beard, a bible and bad breath. You've got a babe with a bob cut and a magnificent bosom."

 

Even a handful of people doesn't bear thinking about. What if it was more like a hundred?! ;)

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Guest alex

You're joking????????????? ;)  :)  :(

 

Son of God with conjunctivitis!

176727[/snapback]

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sitcom/winner.shtml

 

:P

 

I was so disgusted by it coming third that over the years I've convinced myself that the outrage was justified by it coming first.

176745[/snapback]

3rd place is bad enough like.

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Dunno about one-liner but as for a one-worder, the Brass eye special on paedos' and the paedo who was left disabled (or 'quadraspazzed') after a prison nonce bashing ;)

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Guest alex
Dunno about one-liner but as for a one-worder, the Brass eye special on paedos'  and the paedo who was left disabled (or 'quadraspazzed') after a prison nonce bashing ;)

176820[/snapback]

Brass Eye was amazing but that was probably the best of the lot. Absolutely hilarious and made even better when the media outcry became the exact thing the programme was satirising.

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Guest alex
Dr Fox nailing a crab to the desk. The fucking mong.  ;)

176831[/snapback]

Getting Gary Lineker and Phil Collins to do those fake ads for the charity Nonce-Sense was something else too :) Also, didn't the Daily Star have a massive pop at Chris Morris while having an 'article' / photo about Charlotte Church baps in the same edition when she was only aged 15 or 16?

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Each one-liner had to be able to stand alone without being introduced by another character's dialogue, and not be a comedy catchphrase.

 

 

 

 

"Don't Tell Him Pike" shits on all of those tbh

176673[/snapback]

 

 

Doesnt meet the required criteria, having said that The Vicar of Dibley doesnt meet the criteria of comedy.

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