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The rain drenched cunt.

I hear Fish’s most played album of 2018 has been Inspiral Carpet’s Greatest Hits

His lass was mint with massive tits too

@The Fish - have you started walking with an exaggerated swagger?

Thanks to our Manchester correspondent, 'our kid, Dave' for that important fans update on the Mourinho situation.

Aye, but, as Strawb says, his lass had some cracking bangers!

I always thought his ability was irrelevant to the point that imho his coming and going from NUFC was just a massive transfer scam and his demeanour on the pitch reflected this oh and Steve McLaren was a useless fucker as well....

It’s our year. Rafa to bow out with the FA cup in the trophy cabinet

Rubbish, we’ve played loads in January.

I'm sure Farage will be along soon to have a go at Putin for meddling in our politics like he did with Obama.

"I am in good Biblical company along with Joseph, Moses, Daniel and his three Hebrew friends who were each found guilty by the courts of their day. And with Moses, especially, who was fond of burning the clutch out on his Nissan Micra"

Having seen the clip of the defenders we signed from France, it's no surprise that he's doing well. Any attacker of any note would do well against those flids.

All this and the mackems still love these utterly transparent carpet baggers. The owners are setting arbitrary attendance targets to try and guilt people into going now. Absolutely pathetic club.

Hope they’ve stocked up on bog roll.

"The Crown Prince of Don't Care" - an ode to Jack Rodwell After watching Sunderland Till I Die, it reminded me that once upon a time I thought it was a good idea to reword the theme tune for the Fresh Prince of Bel Air I made it a little more Jack Rodwell themed (alright, entirely Jack Rodwell themed). Now that we can enjoy football again, I thought it would be a good time to dig it out... Now this is a story, all about how I screwed over your club as they were going down And I’d like to take a minute, just sit right there I’ll tell you all about a player with no skill and no flair Out for a month if I got so much as a graze In the treatment room is where I spent most of my days Chillin’ out maxin’ relaxin’ all cool Gettin’ paid for doin’ nothing, mama didn’t raise no fool When a couple of lads, who were up to no good Said that if I could play then I really should I spat my dummy out and that’s when I got scared Thought I really like the cash but I’m not going out there Up in my counting house, checking all my dough Got a phone call from Bain who tried to get me to go What, kissing goodbye to my 70k? And go to a club where they might make me play? I don’t think so, but nice try my friend I’ll travel with the academy at the weekend And play on the arcades, what japes, what fun I’ve 18 months left before my contract’s done “How about a loan? Fresh start, new fans?” I’ve told you Martin, that’s not in my plans It’s cold out there and I might catch a chill And Lee Cattermole’s giving me looks that could kill I hoodwinked Grayson, but when Coleman appeared They asked where I was, he said “dunno, not here” I was the fittest I’d been, should I go on the pitch? Then I thought, nah forget it, this heartburn’s a bitch I pulled up to my house about nine or ten, They sent me home early, I’m injured again Another day over without breaking a sweat Why do I care if I’m the cause of their debt? I’ll do what I want, I played for England you know But at training Honeyman trod on my toe Back in my mansion, now I’m finally there I’m killing your club and I really don’t care!

That's actually what Corbyn was mouthing.

Why have Germany never won an athletics Olympic gold? No matter how hard they try, they just can’t seen to finish a race.

"Were" being the operative word. They are a spent force and will NEVER see another Ferguson era again. That was a one off in English football. Deal with it you rain drenched cunts.

Got a new job at the council. They asked me about any medical issues I had at the interview and I mentioned my recent Op to remove my cancerous testicles and my caffeine allergy. Anyway it wasn't a problem and I start at 11am every day till 5pm. It would've been 9-5 but the manager told not to worry about it as everyone just sits around for the first couple of hours scratching their balls and drinking coffee.

The Big 3 unwritten rules of life... 1. 2. 3.

What's Yoda's surname? Layeehoooo

I’ve been a bit down lately, and mate said , ” Cheer up man, it could be worse, you could be stuck in a water-filled hole in the ground”. I know he means well.

Been reading a Stephen Hawking book about anti-gravity. Didn’t have great expectations for it, but I can’t put it down.

'Doctor my wife is pregnant. She is having pain right now' 'Is this her first child?' 'No, this is her husband'

FROZEN GRAPES IN SHOCK SHORTAGE

what do prisoners use to call each other? cell phones