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"....and then ah says, 'two Wongs don't make a White' and everyone was in stitches! Lol. After that ah ordered me usual chicken curry fried rice with chips. Wongy's sound though, loves the craic when we all pile in after a sesh for some scran. If you look at his beaming smile you might miss the tears welling up with happiness but when you're the Trinity mirror regional sports writer of the year you miss fuck all. Up here for thinking, doon there for dancing! Laters."

What are you doing still up? Get to bed! Now!

LOL. Laters

Did anyone check to see if Ashley’s helicopter went on to Leicester?

He's shite mate. Sorry to disappoint.

Flying in to personally sack whoever authorised the painting of the walls.

Kidney doo too bad up there man

That's the best part of it. The difficult bit of the journey is the bit that's in Britain Also he's an MEP for North West England, which doesn't seem to be anywhere near Ipswich where he lives and would require a few train changes to get to. Also he calls himself "Dr" but he actually gave up on being a practising doctor after two years, which suggests - like this - that he's not very good at looking into what a job actually entails before signing up for it. Also he co-signed this letter in June 2016 about how leaving the EU would be terrible for the NHS. Also he's a cunt (sorry @catmag, lovely to have you back ). And yet he's still far from the worst the Brexit Party has to offer. God help us all.

Sell all our strikers and sign a manager who can’t setup a defence. neat.

That’s what we’ve come to expect from the 2014 Pride of Trinity Mirror Group award winner.

Fortunately none of us give a fuck any more fanks to Mike. It's perfect timing!

It was a Fanny’s hair’s width

Just like your average mackem then. OBSESSED!

Breaking News; Ashley spotted spewing his ring in a Leicester curry house. Adios Ayoze.

Buy a load of unsuitable shite from Belgium or France or Greece or some other tinpot league and embrace the void.

“Plan”

And those who aren’t mackems are all Paul Wynn.

I’ve never been a massive fan. Good instinctive finisher but no composure when give time. Saying that though he would be an automatic starter for us which says more about the state of our side. But to have your top two scorers leave and no manager or technical director in place to recruit replacements is complete incompetence. We need something to happen quickly or we’re fucked.

Scouser working for a Bin company Oh the irony.

The Knight Ryder is well in with Micky Wong at the Golden Dragon takeaway, man. It’ll be award-winning ITK, and he’ll get a free chicken fried rice with chips and curry sauce for every article he prints.

Normally, I'd not be bothered about losing Perez, especially considering he's not going to have Rondon next to him but history has shown that he won't be replaced. 12 goals is nothing to sniff at in the Premier League these days and when you add Rondon's 11, there's about half our goals gone immediately. Great planning as ever.

By gust, you mean F5 tornado, don’t you… the massive fat cunt that he is.

It begins with Sports and end with Direct.

The fucking clip of that man, he must have got them made “awwight moi saahhn you know that Disney geezer Aladdin? Yeah gimme a pair of pants like his but make them jeans. Anyway on your bike I’ve got go ring old man Kinnear, the jobs open again”. The best part is those jeans are so fucking shite that poor excuse for a shirt, and those monstrosities on his trotters slip under the radar.

Probably popping in to Geordie Jeans for another custom made pair of kecks, the scruffy cunt

I think you'll find it was invented by Manchester City fans.

As it becomes apparent that Hunt might be more dangerous than Johnson, informal polling suggests the Tory membership are swinging behind him.

Americans struggling with not being right condescending pricks is always a highlight of any sporting event that they've become good at, purely because nobody else can be arsed to go swimming that much.

maybe mike has 2 new strikers, a midfielder and a manager hidden in his massive strides

She’s just flapping her lips there, isn’t she.

And no manager. So is this going to be the week when Mike Ashley can rightly say he is getting the hang of this football lark? So where now? What about the next few years? How can we as a club take advantage of this solid foundation and become a regular top four challenger?

Headlines don’t wrote themselves

He’s not wrong. Couldn’t wrap their head around cricket so they came up with rounders.

Fastest dancer in the North East?

“ House Special Chow Mein fo yee is it, Mala??? fuckin la-de-da! “

He’ll be making a quick stop in London to pick out of contract Carroll up, you can almost see the summer interns video project for the signing announcement on the clubs social media accounts now.

“ We tried to get our deals over the line, but we just can’t compete with the likes of Sheffield…”

Everyone new here is a Mackem until proven otherwise. And even after being proven otherwise.

It’s a scouser on the wind up.

Aye. Speaking of idiots I see the Chronicle is running a bunch of stories of “everything you need to know about Rafa’s new club” They surely must know no one fucking cares right?

'Juicy' surely?

POZNAN!

Because all they want is to win the argument. I seriously think it's nothing more than the desire to win that's pushing us towards this now. I reckon that even if you announced to the Brexiteers that immigration would increase following Brexit, they'd still want it done.

Have been to DaLian, it's ok. Unsure about the Hong Kong of the North label but its been a few years, I guess. Having lived in China before I can say confidently that i would not now choose to live in China. But I guess £12m a year might swing it.

Edwards salty because Caulkin got the exclusive obviously. If any manager deserves those wages it's Rafa. His work ethic is unrivaled. He's worth every penny.

Maybe he’s gone to China to earn the big bucks so he can come back to Newcastle and put his hand in his pocket as Keyes suggested.

I imagine we'll hear a bit more from him in interviews. The statement was never likely to contain anything explosive.

I think the guy has some valid points mixed in there but basically agree. I cannot understand this rush to defend Putin these days. At one point in time the left loved the guy because he was sticking it to the yanks, and now the right love him cos he's broadly on their side concerning liberalism. Why the collective are incapable of understanding that this is not a man who has our best interests at heart, and whatever the Americans may or may not have done is irrelevant to his threatening our way of life.