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I'm fixin to get spangled this evening. Your mam, dad and sister are picking me up shortly. Your dad reckons he knows a good dealer, so hopes are high.

this is mint. For some reason I picture them like on Ferris Bueller, out in the convertible, fucking shades on, while you're sat at home like Principal Ed Rooney.

I mean, what’s not to like?!

Look out for the Blue Nissan Note beeping outside your window homie.

Fuck off

Despite my anxiety issues, I really do think science will solve this. There are hundreds or even thousands of labs around the world 100% behind this. Once that's done, long term I can imagine some positives, seriously. Maybe this is the shock the world needs to wake up to the fact we are killing the planet. It could go either way tbh.

I was working through the bands in alphabetical order

It feels like it’s Coldplay

FYP

Managed to split the back of my head on a door this morning. I was in Lewisham hospital A&E getting glued back together again when the news came through of Johnson having coronavirus. The staff there were delighted that he had it! I hate the cunt as much as the next man, but the NHS staff seem to despise him. Still, it gave them a welcome boost in what must be terrible times for them. At least he’s doing something for their morale.

Bet you Laura is shitting it.

No limits. (In answer to MF's 2nd question).

Ooo err!

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is London

I've Got A Brand New Combine Harvester?

The main man has already answered. I’m like all 5 chasers rolled into one. The thinnest one.

If only there was an emergency power he could use to force them to start producing essential items needed. Oh aye there is but the stupid CUNT won’t sign it as he said he doesnt need too as many companies are ringing him saying they’re going to produce things, and he doesn’t want to force any nationalization (he then acted as if this wasn’t just a temporary emergency measure, it was as if he signs this they’d just always be forced by the govt). Even if the companies did agree to do it off their own back it would mean there was a bidding war from states on an open market, rather than the alternative which would force them to sell to the fed at cost plus who could then distribute to states. It’s almost as if trying to profiteer and prop up stock market numbers isn’t the right way to manage a pandemic. I would say I feel bad hoping he gets it, but honestly he’s already laughed at the thought of Romney getting it during a fucking live press conference, and through his actions (or lack thereof) putting untold amounts of lives at risk. There are nurses in Mt Sinai hospital in Queens (where this abomination of a person was born) dying from COVID as they’re using fucking bin liners as PPE, and he gives NYC 400 out of the national 20,000 stockpile of ventilators after saying on tv that they’d get what they need and he won’t be accepting anything from China or South Korea.

Aye, at the fourth attempt

WELL FUCK OFF THEN

Do you not just pick up the parcel, remove the packaging, bin it, and wash your hands?

dominic runnings

He’s a proper rascal. He’s probably just stolen a ladies shoes or something.

His period of self isolation will be very much like the election campaign

Didn’t he brag about shaking hands of patients a couple of weeks ago

2 weeks, to be sure, to be sure?

If you only have time for one visit, how on earth will you choose between the Road Kill site or the Nuclear Power Station Entrance?

I actually nearly went there last summer for a parkrun - it's the nearest one to where my family live, they're about an hour further outside Stockholm - but the transport timings didn't quite fit. Very tempted to go back when all this is over and have a whole day there now.

If you have one in the chamber, post it and I’ll chuck one in for after.

Please let it be the Wurzels

after sevral days of cabin fever in the house, we snapped and just went for a walk around the park with the family. i wish we hadn't bothered as it was stressful as fuck. dickhead runners almost running into us while panting like a dirty caller, and despite our obvious efforts to move to the far side of the path or spilling onto the grass, just the most obnoxious arseholes, who refused to budge, occupying the centre of the path.

Gove is doing the press conference. What a thoroughly shit way to start the weekend.

Chief Medical Officer self isolating with symptoms as well. Have these dopes not been following their own advice?

Wfh Tom. Wfh MF.

Can we be sure she’s the mother of it, though?

I’m cynical enough to believe they don’t have it and it’s just another stunt where they can say “look at tough old Boris, guided the country while under the weather himself, what a man” when it’s all said and done

There's not many people I'd wish this on, but if Cummings gets a serious dose of this, karma.

You mean a curse, don’t you? You can’t outrun karma.

Wild sex parties

New Ozark lands on Netflix today.

11m of the cunts didn't give a shit about the NHS in December.

Lads, instead of being jealous of what a great bloke with a great anus I am, focus on improving yourselves and your own back eyes.