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Noelie remembers when it meant he could go round the Caribbean in a man-o-war, drinking rum and stealing Spanish gold

Luke, I am your barber

When you hand them a poppy face mask:

FYP

Vorsprung durch boredom.

anybody else remember the olden days when all piracy meant was you could play snidey games on your ps2 or your chipped virgin box meant you had to be careful your lass didn't catch you knocking a sly one out watching the adult channel after midnight? these days your entire relationship with the football club you've loved since you were a kid is dependant on it. fucking progress eh?!

Who said the Germans don’t know how to have fun?

With the greatest respect, we've all seen the pics of you as a kid. Even Savile wasn't that hard up.

Avian anal beads, or 'Cloaca Clackers'

chill winston

Fitting that the Tory membership card has MEMBER written on in big letters

Well done, Christmas Tree.

Blacking up: Okay Wearing a face mask while you pop into the shop: monstrous imposition

If you say you’re Ings these days you get arrested and put in jail.

Pretty much this.

Not quite. It’s replaced thoughts of Maggie Thatcher as the antidote to premature ejaculation

My Wycombe mate on the right, fuckin brilliant

Sorry, I'm still thinking of Gemmill as a schoolboy.

And the fact they’re fucking shit

Trust Keyes to take someone else’s moment of misfortune and try to make it all about how hard by he was done.

One of my (thick) cousins posted this on Facebook today. He also said that if my Nan was still alive she would be disgusted at how much of a snowflake nation we have become. Apparently missing the irony that her disgust wouldn’t last long as she’d probably catch COVID in a shop and die

one less now

Loving old hairy hands take on it https://richardajkeys.com/index.php/blog/241-come-on-clive

I’ll bring the agricultural shit-sprayer.

Clive Tyldesley's position as ITV's number 1 football commentator.

You don’t say.

They could pretend that they’re “Poverty Shields” that stop them getting any lower-class germs on them.

In lighter news, I have finally got a haircut. Was mad seeing my barber with a full visor on. Was like getting my hair cut by Darth Vader.

Aye pretend it's the Blitz and you've got a gas mask on. Better still, wear a gas mask. Better still, step on a fucking landmine.

so the Chinese will have known this was coming before we did.

Because it involves doing something for the greater good of society, it's anathema to them.

Agree with the first bit and the ridiculous inertia of those in charge. The second bit suggests a level of competence (for want of a better word) and planning that’s simply not there with this government. They’ve absolutely winged it from day one. Add in a liberal dollop of we know better than the rest of the world and you have the absolute shitstorm that looks like it’s going to rage on for a good while yet.

It looks awful you tramps. Eat a pizza or eat a Yorkshire pudding. This is a mash-up that worsens both of its constituent parts.

the size of this bloke

Because that’s the quickest they can tie up the contracts.

Sounds like a betting scam

People need to stop trying to spin things positively and just give up on hope altogether. Honestly it’s easier.

Wanking AT something seems even more aggressive than a normal wank

If only we were an island and had had the benefit of weeks of advance notice of what was coming, back then a hard lockdown for 4-5 weeks and it'd all have been over weeks/months ago, there'd be crowds at the football and 5 deep at the bar etc. and a quick economic bounce back. We would of course have missed the opportunity to cull a good number of the old, poor and ailing, which from the twat governments perspective would have been a major issue.

Aye, I'd get all over that to be honest.

Wycombe supporter? More like a supporter of cultural appropriation from that photo.

Not that I go to pubs much these days anyway (which is one reason the "life's back to normal everyone, pubs and shops are back!" narrative from on high is quite galling - give me running events and non-essential rail travel and off-West-End experimental musical theatre and then we can talk, dahling), but I definitely don't feel any great urge to go to an indoor pub or restaurant setting for as long as very visible precautions need to be in place. I'm sure some people are capable of switching off that part of their brain and enjoying themselves regardless, but I'm not. It's not even about the actual risk really - having a takeaway round at a friend's house is probably just as "bad" - it's the quality of the experience.

It’s fucking disgraceful when you see the BBC talk about the conflicting scientific advice. As though nothing has changed in the last four-five months or so. And because the effectiveness of mask wearing back then wasn’t clear, it means the government have an excuse for taking so long to cotton on. Again.