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Saying someone is better than Krafth is the Roger Federer backhand of backhanded compliments

Phenomenal this bloke man. So many twists and turns, first he mentions his second hand battery acid is sugar free and it’s exclusively on Amazon (big news as it means even #HeronFoods won’t stock it), completely ignoring that it’s not the good type of exclusive in which he signed an exclusivity deal with Amazon it’s more he’s ran out of places to sell it so he whacks it on there and then drives the two orders from the mad mistake a month to his local post office. Then his big update about the Monaco Grand Prix is that he’s excited for it, no doubt he will be watching on tv but will nick some photos off someone that’s there to pretend he is, “Mercedes let me test drive the car, even asked if I could take over for Hamilton as they’ve never seen a better driver... I told them to fuck off as they asked me to wear a mask #business”. The final play of this master piece was to announce Sunderland are the best club in Europe, proving that he has clearly been sniffing glue in what looks like an abandoned community centre.

Deutsche Bank putting it better than me:

Here’s a tap in, for anyone who wants it 😉

Just objectively, why would you want to watch two hours of some semi articulate humourless knob in a woolly hat watching a joke club play a crappy match? I cant fathom who would be entertained by this, pisstakes aside.

Tyler in lack of self awareness mode just for a change. Aguero being polite no doubt but probably thinking 'wtf am I supposed to do with this?' Tyler's smug face by the way, as though he's handing over the Lindisfarne gospels, the Magna Carta or the Dead Sea Scrolls but, hang on......nah, it's just his notes on a Man City game where he thinks he's attained some kind of immortality. (btw, Mattaface is basically a young Tyler and that's not the compliment either would be nailed on to be assuming).

He can’t win really. If he’s honest about it he’ll get stick for not being loyal but if he doesn’t say anything he’ll get more stick for misleading the fans. He doesn’t really owe us any loyalty anyway. He’s obviously a good lad who has a lot of time for the club / fans but the club itself - whether that be the owner, Penfold, Bruce or the infrastructure in general is a joke. Good luck to him, it’s his career.

hold the front page!

That’s because they tested it twice before releasing it… to be sure, to be sure.

A bit like asking for a zebras opinion on lions

Can someone explain to me how track and trace cost 37 billion bastard pounds!? Someone's managed to spend a million quid 37,000 times over and it still doesn't work Isn't it just a big IT algorithm/app with a load of agency staff ringing people who it pings up?

I have logged on there for first time in fecking yonks and suggested they sign a plumber

Not much of a surprise for a player like ASM playing under a manager like Bruce and a training system like ours.

Some time later, MF emerges from his shed

Some gormless middle aged mackem so terrible at YouTube match commentary he can even rope a mate in to help out so there’s at least the odd exchange of views. It’s basically a 90 minute monologue from a bloke who looks dead behind the eyes and sounds like he’s literally dying.

tbh if I was him Id be off like a shot to a big club. Who could blame him? He’s got his career to think about and I can’t imagine that Ashley, Bruce and the archaic training facilities (and I imagine Bruce’s archaic training methods) are any good for his career. Our owner only wants to outperform the bottom 3 clubs and has no desire to compete in any other context. Thats no fun and I’m sure he would get better money elsewhere.

Aye I saw some getting annoyed at him on Twitter, but what do they honestly expect? He’s not going to stay here managed by a fucking idiot at a club that had essentially the perfect season in the eyes of the owner. Nothing he said was remotely disrespectful to the club, he simply made it clear that the only way he will stick around is if the ambition matches his (which it never will).

Who let the keyboard warriors in?

You could buy two charlie wykes with that

I have 10 pounds in my Desk Drawer from the time I was in Newcastle, In case it helps to sign Willock

Genuinely thought you wrote "dnd" festival and few of those subtitles convinced me otherwise.

Aye, try again next time

That's hardly glowing praise mind.

You don’t lose points when you lose or draw either.

It might be a bit far fetched to call crypto a lion in that analogy.

It's the arrogance of it that gets me - why does she feel entitled to watch this man get arrested? To stand in his yard? To make a PR stunt out of his moment of humiliation? She's a fucking bitch.

You just know this is the happiest she's ever been in her life.

If the takeover had gone through ASM would be a squad/bench player

Bas looks like Stuart Hall- The Western Years.

That and the performance was shite

It’d be gutting to lose him but you can’t exactly blame the bloke for wanting to play for a club with ambition and a manager and an owner with half a clue about the game. Plenty of top clubs would happily take him

Mam “What you doing up there?” woolly hat “Im making another sunlan video mam” mam “Argh no, not again, why cant you wank off to porn like a normal man?”

He really is perfect for them. A complete tramp, mental, small time and totally delusional. Just need to see that middle aged bloke in the woolly hat who does commentary from his mam’s attic now

He’s broken in to the local dance studio.

Free replacement for Richie IMO

We're being a bit harsh here like. Lincoln City are a decent side. Their highest league position was 5th. In the second tier. In 1902.

Established third tier side.

Losing 2-0

Mustn’t be a real fan giving your ticket away

Are you playing the Dad Tent mid-afternoon pre-snooze spot?

The classy ones do

In 97 they were fucked by Coventry again but it was at Spurs where the match kicked off late so not sure if it was divine JH intervention on that occasion.

Aye but all of that means he'll be cheap so...

Happily watch Usyk vs AJ like

I wonder who's picked up the torch at Renton's old place