Leaderboard

I was at a funeral yesterday. Turned up early and the doors opened to allow the last service to leave, and, I shit you not, they were absolutely blasting LMFAO'S "I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT" as the deceased's send-off.

"I've found a dinosaur egg!...... Ah no it's Andy's head."

Come on then. I fucking GUARANTEE you've got Rocket Man lined up for yours. Club Tropicana on arrival. The Pina Colada song as the curtains close on the coffin. And then Rocket Man as people file out. That's your funeral

Brewceys entire managerial career summed up in one sentence, relying on one or two players to do something special to snatch some points. Over 20 years in management and still a fucking fraud.

bruce wouldn't recognise the truth if it walked up to him smacked him in the face with a shovel. and by the looks of him, the truth has attempted it numerous times.

“Today, on Mysteries of the Soil, how was this Inca skull found in a Boldon churchyard?…”

6 months later, his “mates” from Metector Club will dig him up again.

They'll never run out of Birds Eye Potato Waffles and Findus Crispy Pancakes. Or as CT calls it, DATE NIGHT!

Isn't that the satellite channel you buy your kitchen gadgets from?

NOW he wants to listen to the experts.

Picturing Gemmill trying to recreate Richard’s riffy/rocky open-tuning sound as he stands in power stance in front of the mirror, windmilling his pink guitar

Coming from the bloke who tried to get shut of Grealish

Well go on then Hendrix, wtf does that mean?

Colback

You mean the sixth string? No need to patronise us. We do have feelings you know

One of your kids doing a reading, but it's just the lyrics from Cotton Eye Joe.

I wonder who his first game is against

Some fucker walked just behind myself amd my entire family as we were going into the kirk at my father's funeral. It was literally like a long lost son had appeared from fuckin nowhere... I resisted the temptation to front up to the cunt before the minister kicked off just as word came through from my brother that it was his mate Simon from Edinburgh who I'd actually met myself at least twice before (in my defence I think I was pissed a couple of times) in the preceeding three decades or so...and the fucker had shades on ...

#metoo

Bruce apparently implying he wouldn't have sold Armstrong or Ivan Toney unlike 'the previous manager'. So if Armstrong gets the winner tomorrow it's the mighty Rafa's fault, ok? How fucking desperate is this bloke? I wished I'd realised how good he is at nurturing talent as apart from the Longstaff's, Almiron and err, well, fucking everyone we wouldn't have big Jow up front if Bruce had've been here earlier and had young Arma knocking on the England door with Esteban Brucio working his unique coaching skills on him. He's still getting digs in at Benitez, man! Fucking desperate, this cunt.

Sorry, I’m not an expert in the rape game, Gemmill is my only frame of reference.

Especially given that he has recreated it numerous times over the years. Apparently, he wanted them to be part of his art show, but they did not respond - hence the need to sue. Funny how your ambivalence to, or embracing of, something turns to emotional distress when you can't get what you want. Also, why isn't he suing his parents for exposing him - do they not have any money. In fact, were they able to give consent on his behalf at the time anyway?

This interview with him is mint.

Nirvana sued by the baby from Nevermind's album cover https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-58327844 Fuck Right Off

They could have retained air support in the interim

Look, we've already broken our own rules to buy Willock, what more do you want?

And keepers are usually the easiest players to get special dispensation for too. If Darlow is genuinely fucked with long COVID and Dubravka and Woodman were fucked, they would let us play an unregistered Gillespie, I’d imagine

We clipped the 1000 cases mark in a single day for the first time ever earlier in the week. The penny has dropped in our most populous states that the future is vaccinations and not covid 0. We're starting to see the recommentations for age to be vaccinated dropping first to 16 and now to 12. I wonder how low it will go. There's still several other states running the covid 0 mantra but at some stage in the near future they'll need to reset that or else risk being cut off from the rest of the world. NSW where the vast majority of cases are have even set some dates for students to start coming back to school (from October) which roughly lines up with their expectation for 70% of the adult population being fully vaccinated. I've finally had my first shot (been booked in for months from as soon as I was eligible), sore arm and a mild headache so far.

Amazing what a solid opening partnership does for middle and lower order batsmen. Be good if these two can get a few more this morning and get the Indians in just after lunch, just to wear them out a bit more. Probably wouldn't risk Jimmy, though.

Like me, they had clearly forgotten that there was a game on between Newcastle reserves and Burnley reserves and/or couldn't care less.

Think Gloom is more likely on the mark

I see Ted Dexter passed away. I bet he’s have made a decent white ball player. RIP.

Well maybe Ryder hasn’t given the manager the praise and respect that he’s deserved for the fantastic job he’s done. Have you considered that.

Those pesky remainers are at fault for not being in power and therefore not able to negotiate the deal the leavers wanted / were promised by the people they actually did vote into power. I think that’s how it works.

Also spotted this today. Said without a hint of irony by Kazumi Squirts

Especially considering how much he’s benefited from obscene luck in the past two seasons

I hear they call him "Scotland in miniature"

He's just a walking bag of bacon and clichés. Penalties aren't a lottery, it's about scoring a goal from 12 yards out. They don't blindfold the players and turn them round ten times. You practice them until you get better at them. And once again he's bemoaning our lack of luck. If you're relying on luck to win games then maybe you're doing something wrong.

You'd think we'd be league champions by now the amount of concentration we've put on the league all these years. (Nice to see the 'haven't lost' spin being put on it by serial loser, Bruce. Charnley obviously saw a kindred spirit when he appointed him).

Fucking tragic man, just counting down the games until they finally realize they need to sack this blithering twat. We can focus on getting a kicking every league game now.

Do rockets work in a vacuum?

"Chilli sauce or garlic, Mr Ryder?" "Are ya having a laugh, Mehmet? Fucking garlic or chilli? Chilli sauce and mek it extra hot because the Knight's nee puff. Garlic on a kebab? Might as well hoy ice cream on it anahl! Remember when Souness stuck his flag on your pitch? That's like you asking me if ah want chilli or garlic sauce! Lol. Laters, Mehmet. Oh, by the way, nice to see yiv still got that signed phurto of Emre ah got you. Contacts, son, yiv got to have fucking contacts. Up here for thinking, doon there for dancing."

You know these people with stuff like BA (Hons) MBE, OBE, and stuff like that at the end of their names? The Knight is no different.