Leaderboard

I've added a column so you can see what the previous PPG required was the last time I did the spreadsheet. Mainly because it's enjoyable to see almost everyone's PPG required go up, whilst ours (and Brentford's) has come down. I'm not sure there's much of interest to call out. Maybe that Burnley have lost twice since the last time we looked at this, so their PPG required has taken a good hit - up from 0.9 to 1.3, which is the biggest increase on the sheet, but that's partly the effect of them having played more games since last update. Everton's PPG required doesn't look too bad, but Lampard's record is W1, L4, for an average of 0.6 points, so they really do look quite fucked. Looks like it's between Burnley, Everton and Leeds for 18th. The more safe we look, the more this is just an exercise in enjoying how much worse off everyone else is than us.

I believe the phrase you're looking for is "remember where you heard it first"

Dirty bastard

I once saw someone put some rubbish in a bin. Could’ve just left it to blow about. Made my day marra.

I couldn’t not search for that thread after reading that. It’s just as bewildering as the first time I saw it. https://www.readytogo.net/smb/threads/nice-story-from-yesterday.1557291/ Decided to read further this time, they’re all sharing their class stories.

Here’s a clip of Owen, like the tweet says crawling back. Like a lot of ex players & pundits who are exalting us all of a sudden he can fuck clean off the little rat. Jenas, Bellamy, Souness etc I don’t want to hear ever praising us. 14 years is a long time to be spoken down too and it was almost always directed at the fans & almost always protecting Ashley. Welcome back? Nah.

I’m hating Everton more and more every match purely for the fact they’re making Gemmill look like a football sage.

The games lost - Arsenal Leicester Man City Liverpool Outstanding.

Remember when Bruce went on a holiday during the first international break, about a month into the season despite having basically the entire squad available for training, and the media actually defended him .

There’s been too much positivity & joy recently. The board has surplus hatred and bitterness and its damaging the systems. Only hatred here please

You rang? Can’t help with local engineers, but I’d move the family in to a tent, just in case

No mention of his racist tendencies?

They’ve got a Juventus thread on there because they dislike teams who play in black and white apparently. Nearly 50 likes for this story which is definitely true and not just a figment of that poster’s imagination:

Not to one up you but I once saw a gent blow his nose on a tissue and dispose of it into a bin. Could have picked and flicked and left us all to deal with it. Absolute top lad, pure class, made my heart grow.

Can one truly saunter with a plastic sword?

They wouldn't know irony if it hit them in the fucking face, would they?

Gone to join Pippin. She seemed like a nice lady but her carbon footprint must’ve been massive. She used to get the plane out when she went for a loaf of bread

he can't, he's currently lying squashed under a massive pile of bricks and rubble

I hope Simon Jordan ( not an ex-player, but…meh), gets stang by a wasp on his tongue every day from now until death. Just to shut the fucking whopper up.

Got to be said, the timing of world crises that have distracted from Johnson to his personal benefit is sickening. Partygate completely swept under the carpet, and he is still free to lie and shame our country with impunity. Absolutely sickening.

You can add Dyer to that list but at least he could be a good player, Jenas? By all means he wasn't shit but that line about playing for England then coming back to slum it training with us as if we were Coventry City when we were an actual CL club with super professional players like Shearer and Speed and a manager like Robson? Hahahaha, get in the bin you fucking toucher.

That's a good response from Jonjo. It's always easier when you're winning but the change in the general attitude of the players is phenomenal. It's funny what happens to hyper competitive people when an authority figure comes in who is prepared to challenge them to be better and then go on and be the example to aspire to himself in practicing what he preaches. With Howe doing 12-hour days, day-on-day-on-day, how can the players possibly complain about what he's asking them to do each week? It's almost like it really isn't rocket science. As Lance Armstrong used to say: 'The only secret is hard work.' The other, deeper, more effective & scientific "rocket science"-like secret was a enough performance enhancing drugs to make even the Cannibal flinch at his dinner, but the point remains: hard work gets results. And if it isn't: take PEDs and call the wife of anyone who tries to call you out 'a paranoid cunt'. Recipe for success!

I am just happy for van de Beek that he didn’t want to be part of a relegation fight.

MLF tbh dour, pompous, humourless - they're welcome to him

souness was always banging on about proper players and proper men. very aggressive too. he would be a lot happier if he just came to terms with his sexuality

And that exactly the reason why I'm not posting pictures on here. It's got my anxiety through the roof as it is without you lot making it worse

My son's just walked in the room and asked if it's dwarf porn!

Fat Trampy Pig works for me like. #Dictator #MondayVibes #Football

Over 10,000 have applied to come. Just 50 visas have been granted. You don’t need to know much more than that to get an idea of how much our government actually wants to help.

I mean we're talking about refugees rather than immigrants of course, which I do appreciate you know - but I'm not sure where this great fear of the Ukrainian far right is on the right leaning side of politics? Wouldn't the true nazis stay and fight for their country? Also we're talking at absolute best about less than 300,000 people in the whole of Ukraine who even voted for a far right party, let alone joined one. To put that into context, we had over half a million voting for the BNP back in 2010. If we were being invaded, would you think it reasonable that 60m British people were denied refuge on the basis of 500k twats voting for a nazi party? I would take men, women and children as well, frankly - although I assume since many men have been conscripted, it's not weighted in their favour anyway. Those points aside, would you agree that we are behaving shamefully and failing to live up to what we are saying, if we are indeed being deliberately obstructive just because we don't really want to take these people in? Irrespective of whether they're nazis, whether they're desperate or not, our policy isn't discriminating on any of those bases -it is simply difficult to complete, and therefore an active barrier. That's how it looks to me. We just don't want them because they're foreign. They're different. Surely you would agree that if this is true, it is a deplorable stance?

If he was wearing a Juve top in Rome it wouldn’t take a Newcastle fan to hit him

I always used to laugh at them wearing them to the metro centre. Full families dressed in their Tombola finest “mak shooaah yi got the wun wiff catts on the back Callum, the mags will be fewmin when tha see wu pocketing things in boots wearin that”.

Richard “Sasquatch” Keys and Andy Gray can fuck off. Gray has been the same for decades, what always stuck with me was when Peacock’s headed was just over the line Gray’s response was “oh dear”.

MF will be in here ASAP now

If you engage with him, he’ll keep going.

Yeh hitherto I’ve held on to a deep hatred of TG but I enjoyed listening to K-Tripz there. TG comparing ASM to Tino tells me he hasn’t seen either of them play mind

Slaver Bollocks.

Agree 100%. There’s no way back for any of them, I’ve got zero time for any of those mentioned. They’ll be desperate to get involved and be seen in a similar way to many of the old Man City players are seen but nah. Trotted out fucking tired stereotypes for years like deluded Geordie’s etc, lauded how clubs like Everton and Aston Villa are massive and we are a waste of time. Apparently Bilic started that little piece off by saying how he doesn’t like Newcastle, these people genuinely think we give a fuck. Who cares what Bilic says? Stop talking about us then, but they can’t the same way as they couldn’t for the prior 14 years.

Having a right old chuckle meandering through Wykiki's anti-Howe rants ...

Things like that post make me glad they're around. Fucking lunatics but not in the way they'd like to be seen as.

I always love the stories whinging about "dirty mags" constantly wearing their strips back to back with ones about "strutting through Ponteland Airport in my lads top". Might have mentioned before that I went to Kiev first time around with Keith Barratt's trip which with it being September meant there were a lot of holiday flights leaving at the same time. I remember seeing several packs of red and white bastards visibly cringing and desperately trying to cover-up when they saw the unsavoury types heading out with us.

Precisely. It's shit like that which boiled my piss and manifested my hatred for him. He was being paid handsomely, we were visibly falling apart football wise and he was taking the absolute piss. The final insult being the media claiming we were unreasonable towards him. A humongous fuck off to them! Cunts....

While it is clearly made up since it didn’t take place in Benidorm, the fact they love stories like that then go on about being classy is fucking hilarious. “Ah wuz on me hols and just assaulted this bloke cos eee wuz wearin a top tha looked like a maggie wun, turns out 100 Lazio fans saw iz do it and they’re all MLF and bought iz 10 pints, said they fuckin hate Newcastle as well”. Imagine being a grown man and thinking smacking another bloke with a plastic sword then screaming six in a rooaahhh at him is a mint story.