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He needs to summon the spirit of a banjo hitting a cow's arse.

Klopp. Someone give him a sugar cube.

HOME OFFICE GAZUMPED

BT interviewer: ‘Newcastle we’re trying to spoil the game, waste time…’ Fuck the fuck off. I’m near the end of my tether with these cunts. One more word and I’m cancelling my illegal IPTV.

You'll be doing your hip next, take it easy pop.

14 years of neglect isn’t going to be sorted in two windows /thread

My arse just dropped out MOTHERFUCKER

2022 - Jacob Murphy scored 25 out of a possible 100 points on a very easy novelty promotional game.

Just to think that we weren’t too far off getting six points from playing City and Livarpool is really promising

Got to think, Liverpool needed every home advantage and slice of referee bullshit in the book to beat us without our best midfielder, best winger and best striker. Let’s just think what will happen after another two transfer windows. Or even one more when we meet the bastards at home. Good luck, camel dish

Fair play lads:

Thanks CT.

I'd have done it for a few cans but if that's the deal I'll happily do it.

European football is absolutely class tbh. It makes matches more accessible for people who otherwise couldn't get tickets, it's generally reasonably priced at non CL level, you get to see some teams you haven't seen before, some dorty pints on a work night. It's mint. Id even take the conference if we could get it.

At least it's not just us they're always wrong about

I watched this in a bar with a mix of geordies, scousers, and neutrals. Canny hard to take the last minute winner by them and the scouse contingent went on like they'd won the league. I pointed out to the scouse bloke I had been chatting to all match (who was canny enough) in all honesty it was a pyrrhic victory for them. What do they think they can achieve in the league? I've no doubt they will qualify for the CL but they are now a completely lower level to Man City who I think might go unbeaten. The bloke said it depends on their head to head matches, but no way will they match city in those and even if they do they will drop much more points elsewhere, already have. If you look at trajectories, we are on the up and they are in decline. In 5 years, who's to say who will be the better team. I'd bet on us personally.

Deserved a draw tonight. All I'm all I think it's a good start to the season Wasnt expecting a point at city and we were unlucky tonight against the 2nd best team in the league 2 good away draws against top half opposition from last year Walked through Forest on the opening day. Isak looks class, Bruno will be getting plenty of assists and will give Maxi some room. Wilson might find it hard to get back in the team.

Aye, this game alone showed it. Whinging his fucking tits off as our players went down after elbows to the face by his lot, then the second his team scored a bullshit winner he was gnashing his teeth and giving it the big one. Absolute fucking helmet the bloke.

The straight dope from C Hope.

Opening a sweepstake on how many minutes into tonight's encounter (or touches of the ball Longstaff has) before Wykiki rapidly empties the cupboard

"ANNOUNCE THE WORK PERMIT"

It’s a proper storm in a tea cup like. He’s a dick acting like a dick but some people are more arsed about this than horrendous, dangerous tackles.

I thought it was dogs who were meant to be like their owners

If it's good enough for FC Vaduz, it's good enough for me.

We haven't lost a game yet and there was dribble marks left because of Longstaff. I'll reserve judgment until we get our first tonking. Which will probably be tonight. Im watching you.

To the normal fan thats completely acceptable. To bedwetters (and im looking directly at you Wykiki 😛) it is not.

19 milly for tellymans from, his secret admirer xxx

"Offer £19m for Tielemens but don't say who we are. If NUFC want him it'll concentrate a few minds at SJP and it'll keep the inhabitants of Wearside agitated."

The huge plus point to take away from this evening is that this bloke is clearly the real deal. Not many leave Andy Robertson on his arse. Shame it was the disallowed goal. Genuinely excited to see what he can offer when the likes of ASM and Bruno are the supply chain.

Aye the difference was they've developed a squad over time. The way Howe has us playing is a step up, couple of years we'll be beasting these cunts.

Nah, he was always a cunt. When things are going well for him he’s a great, happy go lucky, ‘funny’ German. But when things go wrong he’s a right mardy cunt.

After Gomez put it over that was the game. If you wanted to add time on, the whistle should've gone after our final attack. This was pure, unadulterated cheating, blatantly trying to give a "top side" a way to win the game.

FYP

Quality ball from Longstaff who noone on here has ever doubted for a moment.

He probably won't even get a touch tonight. Im saving you all from a hard fall here lads. PUT THE POSITIVITY DOWN FOR A NIGHT

Aye, barely even a talking point to be honest. He took the piss, he got his reward. Not much else to say.

whoah, whoah, whoah i charge top dollar for those services

my cat loves nothing more than proudly displaying her puckered hoop to any colleague i might be on a video call with while wfh

£5m plus tits?

Losing tonight won't be fun, but it's nothing but a bump in the road. Said it before but you target games to get points, away to Liverpool is a free hit. Howe knows better than me, but given the injuries and Isak's potential unavailability, I'd play Wood deeper with Almiron and Fraser runners beyond him. Longstaff, Willocka nd Joelinton are going to have to press AND manage their counterpress which means releasing the ball early and, most importantly, being brave on the ball. If Targett isn't fit we're going to need to be wary of overloads on our left flank. Burn will be targeted. Man Utd 9-0 Southampton 20/21 followed by a 3-3 draw with Everton Leicester 9-0 Southampton 19/20 followed by a 2-0 win at Palace Man City 8-0 Watford 19/20 followed by a 3-1 win at Everton Southampton 8-0 Sunderland 14/15 followed by a 1-0 win at home to Stoke Chelsea 8-0 Aston Villa 12/13 followed by a 1-0 win at Norwich Chelsea 8-0 Wigan 9/10 was the final game of the season (but they had put 7 past; Sunderland, Villa and Stoke that season) Spurs 9-1 Wigan 9/10 followed by a 1-1 draw at Villa Newcastle 8-0 Shef Wed 99/00 followed by a 3-2 loss at Everton. Man Utd 9-0 Ipswich 94/95 followed by a 1-0 win over Wimbledon I was hoping for some evidence of the foot coming off the gas, but honestly there's only us who lost after such a big win. Three 1-0s though, which wouldn't be a bad result, to be honest.

It's crazy to me that there are fans out there who wouldn't want this Who knows, we might even win the fucking thing.

My mate's Weimaraner. Rumour has it other testicles are in orbit around this pair of gargantuan melons.

Don’t underestimate how hugely serious the charges he’s potentially facing here are- and don’t forget either that he compromised hundreds of US intelligence “assets” and disparaged the entire Intelligence Community in his time as President. The FBI are not fucking around here, I’d say he’s fucked, whether he realises it or not. The last time American citizens were charged with offences on the same scale as those that Trump is probably facing, they were executed. I don’t think for a moment that he’ll face that, but I can see him getting put away. If, as I said in my previous post, he tries to form a breakaway party from the Republicans, it’d be his worst possible move. A split Republican vote virtually guarantees another Dem President, which is important for many reasons but also to prevent any incoming Rep. President from giving the gibbering orange cunt a pardon for whatever he gets done for. Because I do think he’s fucked here. And I don’t think he’d survive 4 years in jail.