Leaderboard

You can sing that to the tune of Shaky's "Merry Christmas Everyone", and you should.

“Tonight’s match on sky is a ‘big 10’ match between Chelsea and Liverpool. Who can win and close the gap on mighty Brentford?! Find out LIVE!!”

🎶 Snow is falling All around us Grown men crying, everywhere Children crying in the lower Bullens, Merry Christmas, Everton. 🎵

I imagine their owner as the rich cowboy off The Simpsons naming a transfer target with gunfire and a "yee-hah".

"Wad"

Fake news, Verona's in Italy.

Always stay to the death, not out of any hope, (but if it happens fantastic), but out of defiance, out of facing up to it, not being a huffy cunt but most importantly not being first back to the bar to get the round in.

please be at work for both legs. yours, Toontastic

I guarantee you that The Fish will spontaneously jizz in his pants upon reading the above quote.

"Hello? Is that Travelodge? Yes, I was wondering if you have the room available that the only fans porn shoot took place in at the Cobalt? Also have you washed the sheets yet? My name? Ah, yes, it's Mr M.F. Ist."

This fucker’s weird even by their standards

Speaking of German Shepherds, I got attacked by one today. Stood at some bloke’s door, 7a.m. when the neighbour, who’s door was right beside, opened his door and let this furious beast, all teeth and anger, out. Straight up, paws on my chest, going for a face breakfast. I managed to grab it’s collar and get it away, then twisted it to choke the fucker and George Floyded it. Then the fucking owner had a go at me saying I was hurting his dog! Fuck me, it’s not the first time I’ve had to choke an angry bitch, but it was a bit early in the day for that kind of nonsense

Is that actual police advice as opposed to the pretendy police advice Ashley was given about his family? If the Everton board can't go to the game then that's disgraceful behaviour by the Newcastle fans.

Bought an AC/DC pinball to keep at my Dads, swapped the Turtles for an Iron Maiden pinball, and sold my motorbike to fund a Stranger Things Pinball

Have you seen the sequel? It's called Borgen Hunt.

Could this be the year Gemmill finally gets the hang of this relegation prediction business?

Goodison Park

BBC Ticker They're slowly turning

He's SUCH a cunt. He'd be out first round every time in Don't Show Keith Your Teeth too. It's why he's never been on Celebrity Juice.

I'd like to see Forest stay up and also get HUMPED off us in the League Cup final this season. I think that would be a season they could be proud of.

??

They'll not mind. Man United already "mak'd" their day.

Aye, commas are the difference between helping your uncle, Jack, off a horse, and lifelong trauma.

Paging ciaomanheyman

Wolves want Lascelles this season is the first time I’ve really been impressed by Neves tbh. He’s definitely standing out in a poor side so getting him and sending them Lascelles is absolute robbery of the highest order. Especially if we have a decent ball-playing centre half in our sights to replace him

Trossard would be decent signing btw. Could cover both flanks and possibly a number 8 as well.

Far more efficient these days to give them a lift half way home then rape them and bury them.

Just asked the woman in Waterstones if Prince Harry’s book is available to download. She replied “do you want the PDF file?” I said no, that’s his uncle.

I love that Everton are that shit they've had to recall a player from Sunderland weakening not just themselves but their cousins on the wear. Smashing.

Hey Premier League, I love what you've done with your relegation zone.

My lass has had the dog at the beach. Due home any minute and I'm genuinely worried she's gonna interrupt my enjoyment of the booing.

Hope it stays 2-1 to Southampton so I can get to hear the famous goodison 'boo' anthem at the end of the game.

Pearson could have done it. He's ripped.

I hope he at least put his tray table in the upright position first.

The lads on BT......

Gonna hoy this here because its more than just Brexit. This is well worth a watch despite its length. I hope Starmer has some good ideas hidden behind his grey facade because honestly it looks like the country is fuckedl if you've got kids in primary school by the time they have done their GCSEs they will be worse off than their Polish peers. Then again, what do experts know?

To be fair, my records as good when not in work so give me a break.

Not sure if statements like this will endear him to Howe but he’s definitely going somewhere this window by the sounds of it. Maybe he has a genuine grievance? I’m sure Ashworth will be able to get the full story.