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Is this peak mackem, or was that the lad who went to the match with a cheese slice in his pocket so he could convert his hamburger into a cheese burger? You could invent a whole new field of psychology based on these mad fuckers.

Have you ever played football??????

Scum of the Earth. Seen them on public transport near Seaburn kicking toffee apples out of bairns' innocent mouths.

When we beat Everton 3-1 I thought Gordon looked very good for the first 20 minutes and could see why Howe was interested but what I couldn't see beyond, and still can't now, is that he looks like he'd put ket in your nana's kettle for a "frisk".

Dispatch Warlock and Ajax to bring back his body.

She's flirting with Prince William

They should have closed the board down after the completely fictitious story about the old gadgie whose wife didn’t make his packed lunch because of Ukraine being invaded resulted in a whip round in the pub to buy him a packet of crisps, one of which was shaped like a lion’s head and drew in crowds to see it. Peak RTG tbh

Thing is, he couldn’t give a fuck about what Newcastle fans think about him. This is just part of a campaign to make it look like he did a decent job, so the greedy bastard can fleece yet another club out of a shit load of money. Even he hasn’t got the gall to try and make it look like he was hard done to at West Brom

We’ve been linked with the 15 year old kid they started the other week. (Football, not a Chinese takeaway situation) He’s almost certainly a Newcastle United fan but the sheer hatred & madness it would stir out of the mackems if he signed for us would be absolutely hilarious.

Piss-taking aside, there's no way we'd consider letting Wood go out on loan unless there was someone else coming in. Both Wilson and Isak are too fragile for the likes of Ashworth & Howe to take a risk on them.

Not being top of the league.

He had very little to do with either I’d wager, especially ASM. The blokes a pathological liar and will take credit for any and all positives while shirking the negatives - he deserves zero credit.

What about the other Teletubbies?

He’s a fan of peas???

It's fucking mental that the only PL teams this season to score more than 1 goal against us is Manchester City & Liverpool. Man United, Chelsea, Arsenal, Brighton, Forest, Palace, Everton, Villa & Leeds - all failed to score against us.

Dad, I've got something I have to tell you. Do you want the good news or the bad news? Eh? Good news first? Or bad? Bit fucking busy training the lads here son, if you hadn't noticed... Good or bad? Fuck's sake. Bad. You're getting sacked, dad. They've appointed Gus Poyet. And the good news? I'm still your number one fan! Fuuuuck me. I should've called you One instead of Luke.

Did you get a “ Larn yersel Phurturshop” course for Christmas? * If so, have you tried it yet?

We used to have a bloke, The Venetian, who sold sugar cones, and Regal Kings for £1 a pack in the early 80s. * The sugar cones were more expensive iirc * he was obviously selling duty frees on the side , as well as shagging all the local tarts, probably. What a life!

Saudi ownership - Newcastle United = Controversial. If it was Man U.... Saudi - Manchester United = Gold Trafford

A man like Kevin Keegan, who admits he had no issue with Ashley as a bloke but interactions were few and few between, had to deal with knobheads instead. .. but Brucey cornered the man himself and I dunno chewed his cheeks into submitting the bid for our centre forward until we got him. It's the kind of shite you come out with at The Diamond when you're a cunt, a failure, and a bit pissed.

He's a lying cunt and has been since the 90s (at least) when he played for Man United. When Bobby started losing his grip his media pals fed stories to the public drawing on his "Geordie roots" to nudge fans and Shepherd that way. A fraudulent man and a contradiction of the narrative parroted by a lot of the same people that we don't accept anything bar our own. We just don't like bullshitters, mate.

'My made up Forest supporting mate says he's shit and he wouldn't have anybody from a classless club like the mags, says any signing would be stained. Says he'd love Ross Stewart but understands financially it would be too expensive a signing and knows he probably wouldn't want to play in front of fewer fans at a much smaller club.' Jack O'Marra, RTG.

Yep they believe they’re entitled to constant success without competition. It’s no surprise the teams kicking off and saying we err “play shit football” just because we turn up and give it a go and don’t roll over are teams like Arsenal, Liverpool, Man U etc They want everything their own way

We were repeatedly linked with Tomkins under Pardew so you have to assume he has a sexy wife who'll need kept entertained this Saturday whilst the shitty football's on. Might be worth mentioning in the tunnel as they're both taking their seats upstairs ready for kick off.

Nottingham, hopefully

he's fucking desperate to get some recognition for our current success like

"Energetically wasteful" / "Languidly clinical" are very pleasing, I must say.

What the fuck is this 'other 14' bollocks?! Don't they know we're now part of the.....[checks where Liverpool and Chelsea are]........'Big 10'?

Modern life. By rights we should be well on the way to having stress free lives, with technology having ssorted out all our problems. No work, no money, sipping blue synthahol cocktail, getting noshed off by filfthy Romulans (maybe). Instead NOTHING FUCKING WORKS the way its supposed to. Fuck technology, bring back paper bills charged in sixpence pieces and meat delivered by the butcher boy.

Aye, that’ll be it. I’ll change it back and the leak should be fixed.

'Dad, it's me, Luke, I've got some bad news, some good news and some horrific news.' 'Shit! What's the bad news, son?' 'Poyet is getting the manager's job.' 'Fucking cunts. What about the good news?' 'I'm still your number one fan.' 'Err, alright son, what was the horrific news?' 'It was a Mag at work told me Poyet had the job.' 'F. T. fucking M!'

It's genuinely fucking superb that our usual back four and keeper, with helpful teammates in front of them look a good bet to concede either no goals or maybe one at worst. I feel like we're on for a point at worst every week and this is no different albeit we'll definitely be without Bruno. Like the ayatollah, I reckon it'll be another tight one which we should win bar Zaha trying it on for the VAR geniuses.

I nearly mentioned him too

Must have won the same competition as Murphy.

Good family?

Fucking hold on a minute! Are you doubting the bloke who transformed Joelinton from a shit number 9 to the PL midfield monster that he now is?

i wonder if we'll move to the kind of 4-2-3-1 we saw in the second half against fulham, with joe and longstaff as a "double pivot" and isak just behind wilson in a kind of floating "number 10" role

There’s nothing wrong with your tastebuds, instant coffee has always tasted like shit 👍🏻

Leaf Gemmill alone. He's sycamore puns.

Have you seen the sequel? It's called Borgen Hunt.