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Who makes his shoes, fucking Morphy Richards? He's got a pair of steam irons on his feet, the fucking helmet. Also the less said about his baggy jodhpurs, the better.

Well what a fucking belter of a game that was. I tried to get a chorus of “you’ve seen United now fuck off home going”, but to no avail. One of the best atmospheres in a while with constant singing that’s left my voice well and truly fucked. Arrived in the ground about an hour early (east stand / Leazes corner) and rather than heading straight for the chicken nuggets, chips and curry sauce, decided to go walkabout and see who was being interviewed on the opposite touchline. ‘‘Twas Shola with his lovely big grin. Walked a bit further and stood directly above the dugouts as our lads came out to warm up. Brilliant to see them so close up. Looked behind me and there was chicken nonce on one side and Caulkin on the other. Was just about to have a seat in the press seats with a spare sky sports mic, but got moved along by an eagle eyed steward. Also had a weird toilet experience. Went for a slash and vape in the cubicle and was pissing like a racing horse. A very long time passed and I was still hearing the piss pound into the basin. Eventually curiosity got the better of me and I looked downwards to discover that the “noise” was actually the toilet leaking and I’d long finished Anyway, brilliant game, could have been 5 or 6, ASM did not disappoint and Eddie got everything right. God, where we could have been if not for our wobble.

There's nay way I would let that Scarlett Johannson nosh me off like, I don't think she'd have the right attitude. FTM

The point about having subs that can change the game. The mad thing is that's mostly only really happened cos of the quality of coaching. Longstaff being borderline undroppable for instance which means Joelinton can't get a start. And who 18 months ago would have called Joelinton someone who could come on and make a difference. Similarly Murphy is now good enough to start which keeps new £40m signing Gordon as an option off the bench. It's ridiculous stuff from Howe and the coaching staff. Howe is the true Minister for Levelling Up.

@ackas comments on the the photo you posted last night... This seems to be causing the twitter fan base of the red mancs to go into meltdown They think we did it because we beat them Same with applauding the fans after the game Fucking self obsessed wankers some hoot on red cafe posted this marvellous bit of photoshopping... i think the mackems (and so it would seem, the mancs) refer to these photos as 'cringe' we've doing them for over a year now, a year in which eddie howe has taken us from bottom of the premier league, to comfortably avoiding relegation, to a cup final, to third in the premier league with the very real possibility of a european campaign next season. we have a team spirit at the club which i would imagine must be envied by 99% of managers throughout the entire football league. a ground which is sold out long in advance of every home game with thousands more unable to get in. aye, it's cringe alright...... long may it fucking continue.

Renton on his way to pick up the Guardian and the pains au chocolate this morning.

He looks like a gay porn star. Not that I have watched all any of them.

they've all been well and truly stupiditywashed.

Is everyone else still bouncing after yesterday’s result btw? after all these years, football still has a magic power to influence my mood like nothing else. Imagine if we’d won the cup final…

This was the moment Todd Boehly decided to get rid of Potter.

I watched about 2 minutes of the True Faith podcast just to see what boils wyki’s piss so much. They appear to be just a couple of boring know nowts. Charlotte hoyed in a few swears to mask what a terminally dull middle class bint she is. And Tory boy makes her sound interesting. I can’t understand why anyone would bother listening to their views

Gloomy, you’ll see him well before he sees you.

The attitude is bizarre like. They seem to exist in this alternate reality where they're simultaneously not good enough to get out of the Championship AND good enough to finish mid table in the Premier League. And the complete absence of logic just doesn't even occur to them. It's like watching Interstellar whilst standing next to some Spanish bins.

"if it improves the team". We're THIRD in the fucking PREMIER LEAGUE, you STUPID CUNT.

If your Brockhole gets booked up, Camp CT has six gallons of bhuna sauce that'll sort you out.

I’ll be sprinkling the comments on my chips later.

Roll necked nonce

Wrong. We’re going to have another decade of ‘has the penny finally dropped’ type posts

Check his hard drive

I hope he gets in every squad now until he retires. Just for his world class shithousery.

Phenomenal stupidity and delusion from the founders of half the globe's football clubs.

Not knocking Schar but a failure to notice Botman is weapons grade stupidity.

Might as well include Pele and Maradona in the list as they’ve got about as much chance of signing them

for fuck's sake....'came with the right attitude' I wouldn't have thought so, I reckon any of our players would need be physically dragged kicking and screaming to go anywhere near that depressing shithole of a town and club.

it's what they voted for

mumbling, stuttering little fuck

☝️ Mackem like behaviour klaxxon.

Didn't have personal bladder stream, used toilet's instead.

not the 8 I was hoping for, but still. don't know if I've mentioned it? but I fucking hate the manc cunts!

I’ll never forget the day Kevin Keegan signed Les Lerdinand. Great work from the photographer.

"Tom, you don't have anything from the Allied side?" "No, no. That sort of thing wouldn't interest me at all."

What sort of fucking name is Ten anyway? I’ll give you a clue, Ten, it’s not. It’s a fucking number. Dickhead.

More chance tbf as they can’t object.

If you look past the shocking formatting you can see that Maddison is massively outperforming in terms of xG while Willock and Longstaff are the opposite.

Also, big shout out to Botman too. Thought he was great yesterday. Had a couple of wobbles recently, but yesterday was faultless.