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Am still alive gents, just thought I’d let you know. The Operations survivability stats (xS) were apparently accurate.

In other news, I was almost sacked today, but a former union rep colleague helped me destroy the case of the company based on their own procedure documentation that I was accused of not following, and them not following their own disciplinary guidelines. It was fucking magnificent seeing him in action tbh, listening to their statement, baiting his hook, letting them have a nibble, putting better bait on.… nibble nibble, then dropping a fucking bomb in the water. I won’t be staying long, I think.

£80m for Mount https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-11989805/Newcastle-wont-break-wage-structure-sign-big-money-stars-like-Declan-Rice-Mason-Mount.html

A disciplinary for not checking the screen wash levels? Fucking hell, even Wyki wouldn’t complain over that.

This place used to be like mumsnet. It’s now a message board for wannabe Jeremy fuckin Vines

Julius Caesar walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a Martinus." The bartender gives him a puzzled look and asks, "Don't you mean a Martini?" "Look", Caesar replies, "If I wanted a double, I'd have asked for it!"

Cyclist rides within 1 mile of KCG’s clan broch.

I had to write and amend RAMS for my work on the ropes, so know toilet paper when I see it. That wasn’t even the best fuck up. Opening paragraph states that at no point can the vehicle be moved until the check is completed. When we start our shift, the vans are backed up to the loading bay. To complete a full check, you need to drop the rear step, inspect the rear plate, and test the rear door locks.… … which can only be done by moving the van off the bay.

"Mr Fist, we've warned you before about storing deceased prostitutes with the poultry. Never mind, we'll let it slide. WHAT?! You didn't check the screenwash levels according to the SOP!!!??? YOU'RE ON A DISCIPLINARY SON".

Hope he’s not thinking of going on Celebrity Family Fortunes

They have to try to get insane money to fix their own insane purchases to get out of their FFP black hole. Trouble is everyone knows and will have them over a barrel 🙂

Not just the media, I reckon they should give him the job full time too.

Yes, but a spirited loss against Madrid means he should be given the Chelsea job permanently, again. Or at least that's what I'm picking up from the media, who of course hold no biases.

Stop sharing that knobbers tweets

I'm watching the daft cunt interview Stewart Downing as we speak. Fuck me. Slaven looks like Jarra Elvis.

Btw KCG, I absolutely didn’t check your avatar before using that pic above.

The cycle network in this country is fucking shit. This in turn leads to an adversarial relationship between cyclists and other road users. As with a lot of other things, the people on both sides aren’t fighting the real enemy

They worded it as “fraudulently completing a legal document”. It’s because it’s a legal requirement to check your screenwash before your shift. She made a big show of this, frequently referring to “breaking the law” and “legally required” in her opening statements. Mate asked which laws it broke, “for reference, naturally” She didn’t know, wouldn’t admit to that, so adjourned after like 5 minutes Didn’t get any better for her. Utter clownshoes.

‘So you admit that nowhere in his employment contract does it state that he can’t keep dead hookers in the freezer compartment of his van?!?!’

NUFC and paedophilia?

I wouldn’t believe it but Chelsea’s ownership make this story likely to be true. I genuinely think they’re one of the most clueless groups of owners we’ve seen, they went on that massive spree last season but were still demanding insane money like £50m for Gallagher.

I don't think he's got any inside knowledge at all, but I do think we'll be ni the conversation for Declan Rice. Bellingham will go to Man City or Madrid or maybe even PSG? Essentially somewhere that'll be in the CL, fighting for the domestic title and competing on all fronts with world class teammates and a world class coach. Arsenal could both afford and attract Rice, but might want to continue their pursuit of Caicedo and they wouldn't be able to afford both. Also, Caicedo has been playing in a style more akin to Arsenal's while at Brighton. No idea about MUFC's interest in Mac Alistair but you'd have to assume that Brighton will want to keep hold of at least one of their midfield stars, if not both. Rice is a good option. Liverpool would surely want Rice, but they don't spend a lot of money and can't promise Champions League football. They'd have to sell a star to afford Rice and that may actually take them further from the CL chase next season. We can afford him, can give him CL football, and he's still young enough that he can still get the massive money move in a few years to Madrid or whoever.

100% can sympathise here. Everything has turned to shit since the pandemic. I don't know if it's just people "staycationing" more or what, but the congestion around mine with cars parked everyfuckingwhere drives me nuts. Cut backs to the plod probably don't help. We also get boyracers up the coast. A few years ago a lad from my kid's schools was ran over by one of them and killed on a zebra crossing. They still do it, although its not as bad as it was. I can't tell you how much I hate these cunts. Edit: just checked and he was actually run over on the pavement. Just turned 18 years old, life gone. The drivers involved got 11 years. Hates probably the wrong emotion, just sad that it was allowed to happen and could happen again.

People mistake the speed limits as an instruction to drive at that speed, as opposed to a maximum that you should be doing. Road conditions, weather, visibility, other road users are all variables that should reduce that speed … if you’re not a wankpanzer kommandant.

This lot have got a soft centre. If they score early, they crumble under the pressure as they retreat deeper into their own half to hang on. If we score early, they roll over.

They must have spent a good half an hour in the play off spots tonight. That'll do them for another season.

No. He is 23 years old and he is the same player that he was in 2019 when he arrived at Atleti. Honestly, the boy has talent. He is very good. And if he wanted to work... he could become a World top player. But he do not want. He doesn't run. He thinks he's much better than he is and hasn't really proven anything. He has a terrible environment that blurs everything. Since he has not been in the squad, Atleti has not stopped winning and has the best streak and the maximum number of points of all the teams in Europe. And also, he is a very very fragile and injury prone player.

If someone asked me to do that I’d laugh my cock off.

I’m actively looking elsewhere

Whoever wrote that method statement needs to “spend a day on the tools” the stupid cunt. One of my main gripes is safety paperwork written from behind a desk. Glad you tucked them up mate

Disciplinary for that? Either you've pissed them off or they're insane. Either way, I'd last two minutes there before leaving of my own free will, (I'm unsackable. Plenty have tried).

Frank Lampost could surely do better?

He should've put it on twitter with a NUFC hashtag, he'd have had hundreds of would-be 'presenters' turn up from all the podcast/YouTube NUFC shows. (Obviously he'd have to ok it with the NUFC trust first when they're not out with the journalists having a brilliant laugh and that).

Yep. This thread should be on a time lock and only open when the window opens

More specifically, pantomime.

I'm delighted that analysts poring over reams of data have contributed to Medical practitioners saving your life.

Mind, he's right, a lot of car drivers have become even more entitled than they've always been. It doesn't help that everyone* these days drives ridiculous wankpanzers that aren't designed to fit on our bijou little roads.

He loves Chelsea so much he’s gone back there to earn a small fortune doing a shit job, as an absolute fraud, until the end of the season.

Couldn't agree more Gloomy! The like solidity of that setup with Bruno, Longstaff and Willock in midfield, with Joelinton on the left interchanging with Willock and playing a little narrower. It left us a little toothless at times immediately after the WC with the goals drying up from Miggy. But that was largely against opposition that looked to defend and keep it compact. With our striker(s) back in top form and against a side like Spurs who don't know how to defend, I think a return to this setup is exactly the blueprint that will do the trick.

Wor Sean knows tho

Fuck off Giroud/Milan Ps we should sign Leao

Chinese guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. Barman says “where did you get that” Parrot says “China there’s fucking millions of them “.