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I got a bike wheel reflector from my box of Cornflakes. I know which is worth more.

We totally believe you- no cocks for you.

In homage to Trainspotting, tonight is the first night of the Mouth of the Tyne festival. And it happens to be Leith and Hibees favourite sons, the Proclaimers. And in true Yorkshire spirit (see how things are coming together here?), am I fuck paying the £38 a ticket for entry to the Priory. So I'm sitting outside at the Gib, having a rare pint, listening to this cacophony for free! Ahh fuck it's started to rain.

All this because you had to get the coffees in

In an incredibly crowded field she surely has to be one of the leading contenders for thickest Tory cunt?

Deciding whether I should post rumours

I know this has been done before but I fucking love this book so much. Essentially a collection of short stories, which never even explicitly state who the narrator is (most are first person). Like a jig saw, you need to put the pieces together which introduces a Universe of characters so vivid you feel like you're part of it, especially if you know Edinburgh, a plot arc which is more than the sum of its parts. Takes at least two reads but well worth it. Best thing was though I could just pick up the book, read a chapter at random, and still laugh at Spud, cringe at Begibie, or cry at Tommy's cruel decent. Like many a classic music band, Welsh produced his masterpiece early on and whilst he also wrote many other worthy novels, none hit these heights again, and eventually he delved in self parody. But I'll always fondly remember Trainspotting - the book, the film, and the stage play. Renton literally became a part of me. Cheers Irvine.

Just,

The lad is 22 and has played 479 minutes of football for us. I don't think burnout is an issue just yet.

There's more riding on this final than the players even realise.

I hope that includes

There's only one game players are now allowed to play on their consoles: Mein Kraft

🤔

Hopefully that was a first that'll never be repeated. Didn't even feel like it had the power to do what it did! I should inform the Fortean Times about it tbh.

Needs another cell for Hoymanheyman's preferred method of Jackson Pollocking the bedroom wall.

I’d pay for his lass’ Gousto subscription. Holy Moly

Move over, Mrs. Gordon.

MLF shoehorning the 'lads' into his tweet.

Considering England U21s are largely made up of Premier League regulars, I’m sure Sunderland’s lads aren’t there simply because they would show the others all up and need to be straight into Southgate’s team

FFS

Looking at the England U21 squad and it’s really surprising there’s no Sunderland players in there, given we’re constantly told how immense their players are I’d have thought Clarke or that goalkeeper they bang on about would get a call up? It’s almost as if they overrate the fuck out of them.

He signs in once a month as his parole requires him to.

Wheres the sunshine on leith? Etc

Supposed to be the Proclaimers, not fucking Travis.

Prime Renton.

When that was new, I lent that exact kind of box set to a mate. He gave me it back missing one disc, the cunt. I had completely forgot about it until now as well. Going to ring him at 4am

He'd be fuhrerious if it doesnt!

Boro have had a shocker here, mind

Just did a quick image search on Bonucci's and she looks fucking mental. (Semi lob on mental).

Yorkshire 👆

His Mrs seems a right sort

Think I’ve probably read it every two/three years since 93… the last time I did a chunk was driving home alone on NYE last year after the Leeds game via audiobook. There’s so much in it that isn’t in the film so if you haven’t read it I’d recommend it to anyone. There’s one particular part where a character who’s not in the film stages the scene of a murder to get revenge on another character . It is the most dramatic piece of prose I’ve ever read, I was fuckin bricking it turning over the page Trust me, it’s that good

uh-oh. Incoming Wykiki rant on its way.

@Monkeys Fist is a 5 to 8. All over the place, like the shit on his buttered arse.

The Arabs clean their arse with a shower after shitting. Gay child murdering misogynists they may be but they have spotlessly clean sphincters.

She's just a slightly older version of the first. Guaranteed she's got bigger tits too.

I your self-esteem so low that even in your fantasy you end up with the second hottest chick?

I'm a 4 because I've seen the state of my writing when using my left hand so wouldn't want to see the state of my wiping with the left hand. Renton's crackas a tribute to Barry Sheene with all the skid marks.

The pair of them..... Mamma Mia!

It's plainly a conspiracy to keep their trail blazers out of the national team. I suspect its that shadowy cartel of tyneside businessmen again...

Barnes probably just a smokescreen for some other Premier League player that will drop out of nowhere. Brennan Johnson or something

Aye it does come across like that