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I was on the local area group of FB and was thrown off after someone posted 'What's happening down at Tesco express, there's two police cars' my reply 'Maybe they're just doing their shopping?' I was thrown out for being too aggressive

"It's all jokes, and I'm absolutely fine with the odd one at my expense guys and nobody better say I'm not!"

There was this tombola stall where you paid a pound a ticket and were pretty much gauranteed to win a bottle of donated wine at our school fete. I was like, thanks, I'll have 20 tickets, shamefully clinking out the place with 15kg bag for lifes.

Hold on. I say, HOLD ON! THOSE FUCKING PANDAS ARE ON DOUBLE YELLOWS!!!! POLICE CUNTS.

wyki sees an innocuous post on the local FB page: 'MAYBE THEY WERE IN GETTING SOMER FUCKING SHOPPING YOU UTTER FUCKING MONG!!!!!!!!!!' *exhales loudly and takes a sip of coffee from his favourite mug*

If I had to bet on someone on here to have been thrown off a local community Facebook group, mind...

I joined the Facebook residents' group for our new neighbourhood before we even moved in. It helps you to get an idea of the place, for better or worse (often worse). Plus it meant we knew about the local school summer fete on our first weekend, where we promptly steamed in and won a bunch of prizes in the raffle ahead of the locals. It's good to make friends.

xASM

When you put things in these "" it means that thing is a verbatim quote. I didn't say Barnes was more creative than ASM, I said he would replace ASM's creativity. and he would. Across their Premier League careers, So, HB has fewer shot creating actions, but more goal creating actions. Defensively per 90; It's not even close. I want to be clear, I like ASM, he's fun to watch. But where we are now, we've a chance to actually win things and fun to watch isn't enough any more. When we were dossing about the midtable, managed by the human equivalent of bin juice, the only things that got me interested in watching a match were a sense of duty and Saint Maximin. But now, we've got several seriously good players, playing good football.

Starting to think we need to sign someone more for social cohesion on the forum than for the club itself ffs

That has to be one of CT's Etsy specials.

Not away from home he wouldn't. I get your point though. Id personally move him on as soon as we get a decent offer. He saved us under the Ashley years and has unbelievable ability but he just doesn't fit into our team at all now. I wish him all the best and don't have a bad word to say about him. Evolution.

Definitely nothing creepy about that! No siree bob.

Polarboy after reading Gemmil’s post

I'm intrigued to see whether Polarboy's Transfer Rumour Aggregation Service will still be this committed a couple of years from now when the novelty wears off.

Swinger Dave is disappointed.

Wait a minute, she's alive, my mistake.

Ask him for the pics of her before he let her out of the back of the van.

Years from now they will look back at what was the spark for the troubles restarting and it will be the shite patter in this thread.

So you'll not be interested in the TT app I'm thinking of starting? It's the same as here but you can click on boxes that lets others know when you're having a cuppa or a shite. (The platinum version lets you know what filth MF is googling at any given time).

Chortle

Tighter than a fish's arse in a sandstorm. Fucking coasties.

You have a local village WhatsApp group? Id be out of that quicker than a BBC presenter under question.

Hold on PL, this "mate" wasn't MF by any chance was it?

That 18-minute period in the first half is funnier than any TV comedy I've seen. Even the Mindy Project.

It is now

My mate at BBC news recommended “Czech mature piss-mop blow-bang” Apparently season 1 is slow to start but the story picks up in season 2.

I mean it's one thing having a laugh calling you a thick paddy but calling me a Protestant is stepping way over the line, sir.

Doesn’t mention what happened next which was two muckle seagulls picking him up by the epaulets and carrying him off in the distance

Fucking ridiculous. Let's just hope the fat ginger yorkie cunt sprains a wrist shovelling one too many pies into his maw before next week

Whereas your "wit" will never get tiresome or repetitive 😉👍

I say hello to a few of my neighbours, put each others bins in if we're the first ones about. It's not a big deal, it's what always has happened both here and my last house. I suppose it depends where you are and whatever circumstances you're in. Makes sense in some places where people might move more regularly but I prefer normal, organic friendliness. People are generally older where live, there's a few bungalows here.

With CL games on top of our usual league season, there'll be plenty of opportunities for players to get starts and with the 5 sub rule there's plenty of opportunities for players to get minutes too. I don't see it being a big issue for most of the team. Wilson and ASM might struggle to handle not being first choice.

Anyone know what the name of the stat for time spent sitting on your ass after falling over in the opposition third after losing the ball while your team mates bust their ass to get back to defend?

Listening to Radio 1 too. What a nonce Also, looks like they're parked up, on double yellows on a corner. Best get my camera out #bikenonce

I know - using dog bags for your shit kit is just all kinds of wrong.

WTF is going on with his knees, is he wearing greaves ?? Also her "lips" look a bit anaemic tbh.

Aye, you can’t even compare cycling touts to Nazi collaborators these days without being cancelled. The game’s gone, mate.

Happy birthday young man Here you go Not forgetting

Did you miss your plane?

love how the presenter keeps going, like a scripted double act

You saw phone, I saw lips. never thought I’d see the day when I outperved MF 🤷‍♂️😱

And anyone who kicks up a stink is at the wrong club

Rude Kid was a personal favourite This became a bit of a catchphrase at our school when it came out. I like the fact that the first issue of Viz was 20p (30p for students)