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I'd get a full size dog costume and get your lass to take you out for a walk. You can have a shit on the pavement and she legally has to pick it up for you.

Poop Banksy. You're Poopsy.

That was hopefully a one off with a really nasty food poisoning bug.

HMHM is a man known for farting a brown mist onto his bedroom wall iirc.

If they ask for your top 5 reasons Taylor is your favourite ever player for the Toon United Soccer Team: 1) The celebration when he scored that crucial last minute goal against Cardiff 2) Getting up and walking off unassisted after a sniper shot him v Aston Villa 3) Copying Kevin Nolan copying the movements of the opposition goalkeeper 4) Any number of goal line clearances when he was behind the goalkeeper instead of marking his man 5) Showing he never forgot where he came from by still getting a £5 haircut throughout his career

I rate this rumour "Sean Longstaff strong".

Is this footballinsider247 strong, or even stronger than that?

This lad tells it like it is 👆

I would honestly rather dress as a dog than tentatively reach back there blind with Ken Dodd's tickle stick. It would take a full day for the grimace to leave my face.

Never knew you and @Howmanheyman worked together

Up for this one. The wife is visiting SJP for the first time. Albeit she's off in the players lounge* 🙄 *she's not really

He's been away with England last few months and all. You can imagine the shite crack about contracts amongst them arseholes wouldn't have helped.

Oh dear

Isn’t the case about whether it’s anti-competitive to block the deals? Not sure a rewording would work in the instance. You win this and we can effectively do what we like. They’d tie themselves up in knots trying to justify why certain deals aren’t FMV. We’ll see you at the top soon. Top of national league north that is.

"Go directly to jail, do not piss go."

As a filfthy stander I migh have known you like putting sticks up your arse. This is categorically not what it says on the IFU like, and I'd imagine would be much more likely to give you a false positive. Maybe that's why you did it, maybe you just fancied testing positive so you could get a whole camera up your arse, you dirty stander? You make me sick.

Au contraire mom ami, I can state without fear of contradiction that Survivor “song AND video” are definitely superior to Survivor “band and their entire back catalogue”

Before you get shirty btw, I'll remind you of these words from Beyoncé from the above song: You know I'm not gon' diss you on the Internet 'Cause my Mama taught me better than that

Aye, I wouldn't make personal recommendations/representations for somebody that you know to be a self-sabotaging flaky dickhead who shits himself in public. This kid just needs to grow up.

Hope today will be just as good.

Just your ability to stick around afterwards

The club shop should start stocking nappies.

Hey man, Eales, I'm a long time US magpies fan from 2012 and I'm super excited to watch my heroes, my first hero was Steven Taylor because his smile and teeth were like the American dream, can I have a ticket, please? I've joined the magpie members + group and I have a supercharged income, Do you take American express?

Eales: see to it that the HeyChapHereChap fellow never wins a single ballot.

Leisure was our pleasure

No doubt they'd come up with some new Newcastle specific additions just for a laugh.

There's a suggestion that the case has long since been decided, and no one can understand the delayed announcement. One possible reason for delay could be them consulting on an alternative version of the rules to replace the one that failed under Man City's challenge.

Didn’t Spud also plaster a wall with his shite?

I thought we have an explanation for your permanent grimace for a moment.

That’s the one with a little swab stick that you need to wipe on your shite, aye? Unless you’re pulling Aces at every drop, you’re focusing on the wrong source material Let your brown trout flush away and give your hoop a quick flyby with the swab, then commence the clean up operation in your filthy sitter manner.

You've fucked up with your rating here CT. Imagine the same film, but Wham instead of the Beatles. You've given yourself nowhere to go.

No good deed goes unpunished, mate. Let him sort his own shit out in future

Polish crust punk, now there's a genre we should all be listening too! @Blastronaut have you got into Snooper yet? They call it Egg punk, fuck knows why. Fun live but after 15 minutes it all sounds the same. Studio production definitely helps them. There is a Melbourne brat punk band called Ubik, cannot go wrong with a Phillip K Dick reference, who are great

What does a French child say when going down a slide? Yessssssss

The funeral will be held tomorrow for the scientist who discovered wheat allergies, he has sadly passed away age 78. His family have requested no flours at the service.

Tha knarrs

Aaaaah si, si senor…eeeeeh massive jugs no es asi?

Trudgers Unite!

A couple of lacklustre performances and the demand goes down? Better call the old time fans, eh?

Booty is our duty.

Stressing is our new/old lesson